Month: November 2006

It seems like each time that I check my local National Weather Service forecast for the impending winter storm, the outlook tends to get more dreadful. I kid about the weather service a lot but I do have a lot of respect and admiration for what they do. I also am happy to have access to more than just a forecast of what the temperatures and precipitation chances might be for a given day.

The NWS Web pages actually lets you see some of the thinking that goes on by meteorologists who are forecasting the weather. This can be seen in a number of places including their forecast discussions. With that said, the thinking on this approaching cold front and disturbance that much of the country will see kind of sucks more and more by degree. (Oh, what a funny one. Right.)

Here is what the weather dudes (and dudettes) say about my area, just north of Dallas:

“LATEST THINKING IS THAT THE ARCTIC FRONT AT THE SURFACE IS MOVING
SOUTHEAST FASTER THAN THE MODELS ARE PROJECTING. THE MODELS DO HAVE
A GOOD HANDLE ON THE UPPER SUPPORT…WHICH MEANS THAT NORTH TEXAS
WILL HAVE THE COLD AIR IN PLACE SOONER THAN PREVIOUSLY EXPECTED AND
BUT WILL STILL HAVE STRONG UPPER SUPPORT FOR PRECIPITATION THROUGH
TOMORROW AFTERNOON.”

The NWS goes on to say about a half-inch of ice and 3-6 inches of snow could be seen in the area by tomorrow evening. If that happens it will really be a show out there on the Metroplex roadways where people normally drive as if they have a swarm of bees inside their vehicle. Throw in a little ice and let the games begin!

I’ll drink to that.

A funny thing happened on the way to the new day — Mountain Dew. That is, I saw something on TV. I don’t know what it was. But it apparently was some sort of video that had the “MD” logo that I figured out from the color must represent Mountain Dew. Or Mad Dog 20/20. Ah, the video was speedy and somewhat coherent so I don’t think it had to do with fortified wine.

Current TV, which the best I can tell is part TV network and part YouTube, has contests which encourages creative (stoned) types to make video ads for certain sponsors such as Mountain Dew. What the Dew wants:

“Show us how Dew is a part of things that you’re passionate about, and helps you do your thing. Don’t limit yourself. Fill your Dew V-CAM with cultural references from Sports and Music to Fashion and Gaming—any culture that’s about making things happen and expressing oneself.”

That stumps me. I can’t think of a single “thing” about which I am passionate and involves Mountain Dew.

Oh and …

“Show your passion but don’t do anything dangerous or illegal and Do the Dew.”

Well, that certainly rules out any other possibilities I might have considered.

When I was a kid, Mountain Dew was marketed with hillbillies on the bottle and in their ads. Now, due to cable and satellite, I don’t think hillbillies even exist anymore. If they do, they probably stay indoors all the time making moonshine liquor and watching Judge Judy via their dish.

Mountain Dew has in recent years been sold as a drink for young, hip, extreme types. I suppose it has something to do with the caffeine although I don’t really know how it compares to Red Bull or Starbucks or meth stimulant-wise. Plain coffee is fine for me.

It is just kind of amazing that this weird soda pop which was once something that might have been a chaser for white lightning, now is part of the culture of youth. WWCND? (What would Carrie Nation do?)

Weather service forecasts predict a 20 percent probability of sleet/rain on Thursday night in North Central Texas as a strong cold front rolls its way across the plains like a pack of drunken Vikings. (What’s in your wallet?) Whether it actually snows/ices/sleets/pours/whatever is always a big if in Texas. I once likened predicting winter storms in Texas to teaching cats to line dance. Or something of the sort.

But no doubt it will get cold. I can feel it in my bones. Well, not really in my bones but rather somewhere within the mass of my upper musceloskeletal system. I always thought it was an old wives’ tale that one could predict weather changes through arthritic pain. I found out that maybe it isn’t. I have never had the phenomenon explained to my satisfaction. I do know in my case, if a low-pressure center is somewhere in the same hemisphere, I hurt even worse than normal. This usually happens with Arctic cold fronts, and it also happened prior to and during Hurricane Rita’s arrival in Southeast Texas.

I don’t see much good in being able to predict the weather through pain. If I could make money off of it I would. But short of betting on the weather, I think I am pain rich and money poor.

Well, tomorrow is Turkey Day. I know some people don’t like to hear the day of thanks called Turkey Day. But what can I say? I wasn’t the one who thought turkey should be the traditional fare on Thanksgiving Day. Just give thanks that the first Thanksgiving didn’t include roasted jackass. Were it so, we would all be saying: “Happy Ass!” since we normally leave the word “day” off Thanksgiving Day when such a greeting is made.

It is during the pre-Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays — the time of year when people decide to eat turkey — that various agencies and busybodies warn the public about making sure their turkey is properly cooked (see above photo).

I forget now why turkeys must be cooked properly. I think maybe the reason is that an uncooked turkey can lead to wattlitis. That’s when you develop a flap of skin under your chin like a turkey’s and it turns bright red when you see someone to whom you are sexually attracted. I hear it can be embarrassing.

Also, I think undone turkey can cause some kind of virus in which a person goes running around in a circle with his or her arms flapping up and down to the point that the person has to be shot to put them out of their misery. I think that’s why some people say improperly cooked turkeys can be dangerous.

So make sure your turkey is properly cooked. At least 1,600 degrees is recommended. If you see the stainless steel on your grill disintegrating (see above turkey photo), then you know you are on the right track.

Have a happy and safe Turkey Day.

Hi. Is that short enough?
I’ve been doing stuff this week. Real stuff like trying to make some money and attempting to keep under the radar. Why would I want to keep under the radar? Well, I don’t know why. It rather stumps me. I think I will take a break and try to figure that one out. In the meantime …

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