A jug of wine, a bucket of lard and thou

Scientists have discovered what I have long suspected: Beer is good for you. At least the compound xanthohumol that is found in hops, a beer ingredient, is useful in fighting prostate cancer. The problem is you would have to drink 17 beers daily for the cancer-fighting protein to do its work. And why is that a problem?

Alcohol has long been touted as good for what ails you. The Bible tells you so:

“Drink no longer water, but use a little wine for thy stomach’s sake and thine often infirmities.” — 1 Timothy 5:23

My doctor even suggested I drink a little red wine to help lower cholesterol and I have been pretty well following his advice since he told me. I don’t think it will be very long until science finally proves correct some of my other theories that certain substances generally known to be hazardous can be helpful. We may see these headlines in the future, for instance:

“Scientists find lard prevents skin cancer.”
“Researchers discover whisky, rare beef and smoking contributes to longevity.”
“Severe head trauma enhances the quality of life, doctors say.”
“Study says sexually-transmitted diseases improve depth perception.”

And finally:

“Death no longer carries social stigma it once had, says prominent psychologist.”

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