Author: Dick

Sen. Jim Webb, D-Va., fends off a filibuster with his famed evil eye. Note: the video link doesn’t work. Sorry, I am not worthy of your readership. But what else is new?

Watching the Sunday morning TV talk shows isn’t normally a big past time of mine. But yesterday I did manage to catch a smack-down on “Meet the Press” as Virginia Democratic Sen. Jim Webb clearly got the goat of Republican Sen. Lindsey Graham of South Carolina during a debate on the Iraq War. I must clarify that by saying Webb got Graham’s goat shouldn’t be construed to mean that he stole or otherwise appropriated a goat that belonged to Graham because I don’t know if Graham actually owns any goats. For if Webb stole a goat, he might very well end up in jail and emerge as a now-forgotten country-western singer.

Graham, who became nationally prominent as a manager in the Clinton impeachment case, was taking the current Bush-ite stance on Iraq during the Sunday NBC program. Webb noted that some of the military personnel he had spoken to on Iraq said things were going to hell in handbasket. Graham then tried to bait Webb into an argument as to whether Webb had actually traveled to Iraq and the Virginia senator admitted that he hadn’t. Graham said that he had gone to Iraq as a reservist, adding “Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah.” Afterwards, the debate promptly turned into a hellish miasma of unintelligible sounds until Tim Russert promptly knocked both senators out of their seats with a fire hose.

Now it sounds as if Graham clearly had the high ground since the senator had traveled to Iraq as a member of the military, although some distinctions need to be pointed out here.

Graham may have been to Iraq as a reservist, as he serves in the Air Force Reserves. But its not exactly like he goes out on non-stop missions as a gunner on an up-armored Humvee since he is an Air Force lawyer.

Webb, on the other hand, may not have yet been to Iraq but his Marine son has. Perhaps one might recall Webb’s little exchange with Gee Dubya about that subject. Webb also has seen war up close and perconal (that’s like personal on Percodan). Before serving as Secretary of the Navy under that mighty Republican Messiah Ronald Reagan, Webb led a Marine infantry platoon in Vietnam where he was awarded the Navy Cross, Silver Star and Bronze Star.

To be perfectly fair, however, Graham did receive a commendation medal during the first Gulf War when he served as staff judge advocate at McEntire Air National Guard Base in South Carolina, according to his official Senate biography.

So when you hear a debate about war between a Marine who won the Navy’s second-highest medal for valor and an Air Force Reserve lawyer who got kudos for drawing up wills during the Gulf War from his dangerous post in South Carolina, who would you choose to believe? You choose the lawyer naturally because attorneys stand for truth, justice and the American way, right? Right. Now step with me into the back room as I want to show you some magic beans for sale.

Flying is a tough gig these days. Just ask Garren Penland. During a stopover in Houston while flying with his mother on an Express Jet plane, Garren, 19 months old, and his mother were kicked off the aircraft because the kid kept saying “Bye bye plane.” Apparently, the flight attendant who had the mother and toddler removed was irritated by the tot’s talking while safety instructions were being given.

A flight attendant union spokesman on today’s CNN’s “American Morning” laid the whole episode to the skinflint airline industry’s refusal to loosen up some bucks for safety training, as well as the industry taking away pensions and requiring the attendants to sit on the wing whenever their in-flight chores are completed.

Readers should be warned that at least two sides to every story happen with the frequency of Halley’s comet. By the way, I dreamed about Hale-Bopp last night. It was quite an amazing comet, the only one I ever viewed without a telescope. That being beside the point, more may have been involved in the story about the baby being tossed out of the plane with the bath water. For instance, perhaps the kid really said: “Bye bye Plane. Go boom!” or “Bye bye plane. Adios MoFo.” One never knows.

Some day the truth will probably come out about the Garren incident. Then I’m sure there will be a made-for-TV movie, Garren lunchboxes and T-shirts that say: “I got thrown off a plane and all I get is this lousy T-shirt.” Make mine an XL,in blue if possible.

Here is some late breaking news from my local newspaper: It’s going to be hot this weekend. Yes, heat indices here on the upper Texas coast could be in the 100s this weekend. Wow! It’s as if we were in July or something. Wait, it is July.

Excuse me if I seem critical. I certainly am not taking a swipe at the reporter. He is just taking his marching orders from an editor. And experience tells me that editors, just after they’ve been administered a lobotomy, are sent off to Redundant News Indoctrination School.

Now, I can consider myself somewhat of an expert on this topic. At least the part about newspaper reporters doing weather stories that aren’t exactly news. I must have written hundreds of weather stories when I was a newspaper reporter. Editors love weather stories. That is why weather stories saying it is hot appear in Texas during the hottest summer months. It isn’t like we don’t know it is supposed to be hot. Or that it might rain. After all, the average July temperature is in the upper 80s but 90s and even 100s are as common around these parts as mosquitoes. The average rainfalls is usually between 55-60 inches annually.

Perhaps the editors feel the public need to be reminded that it can be hotter than hades. I have only been in and out of my pickup four times today after it being parked in the sun. I have been reminded each time that it is hot. So thanks to the editors at the Beaumont Enterprise or whatever paper for reminding me once more that it’s hot and getting hotter.

So what is genuine weather news? It’s when man bites dog or nature bites man in the ass. A tornado touching down and causing damage is news. Hurricanes, like Rita which we experienced here in September 2005, was news when it approached, when it hit and long after it was gone. Some facets of its aftermath are still news. A white Christmas here is news. A drought-ending rain is news. But a story which says it’s hot or it’s raining in Beaumont, Texas, isn’t exactly news.

Editors say that people love weather stories and that is the reason I, Mr. Martinez in this local piece and countless other reporters have written so many weather stories. And I agree, up to a point, that the people like weather stories. The weather segment on local TV news is watched probably more than anything. I just don’t think such stories stating the obvious are particularly useful with the exception of filling the daily news hole.

Will anyone hear my railing on this issue? I mean anyone who counts? No. And even if they did the editors have been brainwashed in what is left of their brain when they take the job that weather stories must be written, come Hell or high water. Such is this deep dark secret of journalism.

Stay cool, ya’ll.

Filmmaker Michael Moore grazes in CNN’s green room Monday before appearing on “The Situation Room.”

The powers that be will probably take away my left wing when I say this, but here it is: Michael Moore is an ass.

Moore’s brand of “gotcha” guerrilla humor was amusing in 1989 when he made the documentary “Roger and Me,” but his shtick has long since lost its allure to me at least.

I must admit to not watching his major films in recent times including “Fahrenheit 9/11” or his most recent “Sicko.” That is because he has become such a shrill, unrelenting propagandist for his causes that he is just as bad as the right wing’s own Assh**e A-Team which include the likes of Hannity, O’Reilly, Coulter, Malkin, etc.

Moore appeared on CNN’s “The Situation Room” yesterday and instead of shilling for his new documentary on American health care he attacked Wolf Blitzer and Dr. Sanjay Gupta for not spouting his “my way or the highway” ultra-liberal views of the Iraq war or health care. The wild-eyed Moore could not handle having his facts checked and challenged so he spent his time ranting like some lunatic.

Reiterating that I have not seen nor likely will not see “Sicko” I understand that his film tries to make a case that socialized medicine such as that practiced in Cuba or Canada is the best way out of America’s health care woes. When I was younger and enamored with the concepts of Marx and Lenin, I too thought a socialist approach to medicine was what this country needed to take care of its young, old and in between.

Now that my medical treatment, by necessity, is provided by the Department of Veterans Affairs, I see socialized medicine in action. And if the VA is a harbinger of what socialization would look like in this country, then I think a lot of people should consider living elsewhere. Perhaps the VA model would not be a national model but I feel that it would be a likely configuration because government leaders are not imaginative enough to try something that might be better. If that is so, God (Allah, Bert, fill in the blanks) help us.

Extremists on either side of the political spectrum such as Moore or Ann Coulter do nothing but muddy the waters of discourse. These shrill voices and others such as Rush Limburger are among the reasons why American society has become so toxic.

Under the First Amendment people have the right to be asses, if that’s what they want to be. Apparently, a lot of people we hear and see every day spouting their opinions freely exercise that right. Isn’t America great?

This is not me.

Rather, the picture is not of me but it could be. It could be if I were about 25 years younger and had hair and a facelift. Nonetheless, the he in the photo kind of represents the me who is sitting here typing this. This is because I am sitting here at the laptop after having to load everything under the sun it seems on my “new” computer.

This is not really a new computer. There is no way in hell I could afford a new computer unless I stole it, which is wrong and against the law. So I am in possession of a free IBM Think Pad, so generously given and shipped to me by my friend Bruce who truly knows a friend in need when he sees one. He is one of those few, kind souls in my life who have not given up on me (like someone whom I will not name and whom I doubt reads this page anymore) when I had a little setback in life. It is a magnificent gift though, Bruce, and many thanks.

My friend loaded the computer before he shipped it to me with Windows 2000, which I have the discs for in my desktop that is in storage and my now crapped out Armada. I realized that I still had software for Windows 2000 while looking in storage for other software. That is really neither here nor there. But I have a buttload of other upgrades and service packs and programs to load such as Adobe Reader, which told me I couldn’t load it until Service Pack 2 was loaded so I loaded Service Pack 2 and it told me I couldn’t load it until Service Pack 1 was loaded. Who knew?

But alas and alack, a little bit of hassle is a small price to pay when you paid nothing for the source of the hassle. If that makes sense.

Make no mistake, I am not griping. I am merely pointing out that owning even a used computer is not what the uninitiated — those who until the last couple of years never loaded any software onto anything — thinks about using computers. Why, you should be able to turn it on and everything works effortlessly and with warp speed. Ha! That is my little observation lacking any wisdom whatsoever, for today. Back to downloading service packs!