Author: Dick

An old Chinese proverb says something to the effect that editors should produce errors for readers to find. I can’t exactly remember the reason why. Perhaps it gives the reader something to do. Perhaps it helps boost self-esteem. Perhaps I am just grabbing this proverb out of my ass.

Nonetheless, this week’s mystery error was found by none other than my dear friend Suzie who lives in Arkansas. Suzie correctly corrected me by pointing out Gene Kelly was in “Singing in the Rain.” What I doofus I am. Well, as I told Suzie, we still need more Astaires. As in Astairway to Heaven.

Lina: Oh Donny! You couldn’t kiss me like that and not mean it just a teensy bit!
Don Lockwood: Meet the greatest actor in the world! I’d rather kiss a tarantula.
Lina: You don’t mean that.
Don Lockwood: I don’t – – Hey Joe, get me a tarantula.

For this week’s mystery winner, Suzie gets a free subscription to, what else? eight feet deep. What’s that? You say you already have a free subscription? Then have another. Jeez, I can’t give them away fast enough!

It rained just a short time ago. Because of drought conditions, that’s considered news where I am located in North Central Texas, unlike the Beaumont area from where I came.

I stood out in the rain for a minute or two. It wasn’t really raining that hard. I was thinking while the rain was falling: Why is it that you never see someone dancing and singing in the rain like Fred Astaire? Oh, I am sure people would think you are somewhat insane, but who cares? I would dance and sing in the rain myself except for the fact that I am a lousy dancer and I couldn’t carry a tune if it was captured and kept in a hermetically-sealed bucket.

Where are all the Fred Astaires out there? We need you more than ever.

Five years after 9/11 seems like a good day to reflect on just where our country is and where it is going.

Someone who seems to have a handle on the situation we are in today is Merle Haggard. Yes, the man who wrote “We don’t wear our hair all long and shaggy/Like the hippies out in San Francisco do.” Hey, a person has a right to their point of view, even if it changes or mellows out after awhile. If this wasn’t the case, Neil Young would not still be on the music scene or at least relevant.

While surfing the other night I came across Merle’s Web site. Click on it and you will hear the song playing that illustrates the “Hag’s” reflection of just what has happened to the United States over the past few years in a song called: “America First.”

“Our highways and bridges are falling apart
Who’s blessed and who has been cursed
There’s things to be done all over the world
But let’s rebuild America first …

“Yea, men in position but backing away
Freedom is stuck in reverse
Let’s get out of Iraq and get back on the track
And let’s rebuild America first.”

Maybe Hag’s point of view is a little simplistic but more is there than meets the eye.

Parts of the Gulf Coast in this country remain in ruins after devastating storms such as Katrina, Rita and even from those storms before the nightmare 2005 hurricane season. It’s also not hard to find people who are needy in our own nation. These are not just those homeless folks with scraggly beards and dirty clothes. They include the college-educated, career men and women who were laid off after corporations restructure in order to realize bigger profits.

Maybe our nation’s attitude about personal worth is a hangover from our early colonial days. But poverty seems to be the old, derelict uncle we don’t like to talk about. It is like one is unvirtuous, a heathen, infidel, or is some sort of misfit or the other if he or she is impoverished in our society.

The great philanthropists in the world — some of the largest being Americans such as Bill Gates — should rightly be lauded for helping make our planet a better place at large. But taking care of our own poor, or about to be poor, is often left to various church organizations which most often operate on a shoestring.

So Hag’s point of view might be simplistic, but I think he hits a strong note about our own people needing liberation. It’s a great country, so why not help America first?

I wish I could play the guitar like that. Hell, I just wish I could PLAY the guitar.

A fellow named Ian sent me a bunch of fotos of a bitchin’ time that was had in Bermuda. Apparently, Ian thought I was in the band that he saw with friends in Bermuda, or that I was this guitarist or something of a sort.

I e-mailed Ian back and told him that I had never been to Bermuda as well as had never played the guitar. Those are two things I have meant to do: Go to Bermuda and learn to play the guitar. So who is this dude laying down the riffs or, as we cubes (a square who is a bit edgy) say, “playing the guitar?” I really don’t know nor do I know who the Ian is who e-mailed me. I’ve known an Ian or two. I’m sure most people have known or at least seen an Ian at some time or the other. But this particular Ian, I’m sorry, it must have been that other eight feet deep guy in Bermuda.

If anyone out there in the cybergalaxy knows who this is playing the guitar, please let me know so I may plug him. No, by plugging him I don’t mean shooting him with a gun. I mean giving him a mention so as to boost his bidness. Of course, if this guy’s band depended on me for advertising, I would expect they would have to go back to their days jobs provided they never left those jobs.

Nonetheless, from the other pictures that Ian sent me, I definitely wished I had been with him in Bermuda. It looks like a good time was had by all. And, I rather like having a good time.

While waiting to see the 16-year-old girl who was masquerading as a doctor today at the VA, I watched Pat Robertson and his ever riveting “700 Club” on the waiting room TV.

I found it odd that the VA allows Pat Robertson to be seen on their teevees because it seems as if Pat and God (the dynamic duo)directly compete with the VA in the healing department. Okay, one might say Pat heals through God. Or that the VA heals through God. Or that God heals through Pat. Or that God heals through the VA. Or that God heals through a PPO with a $1,000 deductible. Six of one.

It has been awhile since I watched the “700 Club.” Okay, I never watched it before. But it was amazing what ailments that Pat allows to be healed through the power of prayer and corporate advertising. After praying for someone with a rare form of cancer, Pat said a prayer to get rid of some woman’s hangnail. I mean, it’s a nice gesture, praying to cast out evil hangnails but you’d think Pat would be involved with bigger things.

The truth is, I can’t ridicule someone’s beliefs when it comes to the power of prayer. For instance, I prayed that either I would be called to see a doctor or else the television would explode just as Pat prayed for God to relieve a 3-year-old’s “bobo.” Fortunately, I was called by the 16-year-old doctor before that happened. Praise be! It’s a mir-a-cul!

CHECK IT OUT! Pat shares his cooking tips along the way to help make your pancakes light and fluffy. Just like Moses made ’em!