Author: Dick

John Wilkes Booth

You know you’ve made it as a famed serial killer or assassin when you are referred to by your full name. For instance:

John Wilkes Booth — killed Lincoln
Lee Harvey Oswald — (may have)killed John F. Kennedy
Sirhan Bishara Sirhan — killed Robert Kennedy
James Earl Ray — (probably) killed Dr. Martin Luther King
John Warnock Hinkley — (okay, Warnock is not used all that much) shot and wounded Ronald Reagan
John Wayne Gacy — the clown who was a serial killer
Jeffrey Lionel Dahmer — serial killer/cannibal (Lionel isn’t used that much either in referring to the late Mr.Dahmer)

I could go on. Henry Lee Lucas, Jack the Ripper, etc. You get the picture. Or you should get the picture, for heaven’s sake. The reason I bring this up is because I noticed today the Beltway Snipers being referred to by their full names: Lee Boyd Malvo and John Allen Muhammad. Perhaps they were always referred to by their full names. That just shows you how observant I am. It seems that the Beltway Boyz may may have also killed some other people including a man in Denton County, located in North Central Texas.

But the point here is that a definite relationship exists between all these bad people and the use of their full names. It is okay for your mother to use your entire name when she scolds you. That is expected. But if someone else uses your full name, watch out. You might just be a serial killer/assassin/cannibal.

Actually, as someone who once dabbled in journalism, I think the practice of using a criminal or suspected criminal’s entire name is done in order that he or she is fully identified. For instance, say your name is John William Gacy but you go by John Gacy. Well, you might be pretty pissed if all of a sudden you see in print that you were a clown who killed a bunch of people and buried them in the crawl space under your house. You would probably call up that reporter and tell him or her what a
f#%*!@$ a^*##!$ they were. So I would think that probably explains the practice of using the full name.

Just the same, if someone starts using your full name all the time , I think you ought to be more than a little concerned.

What the **** ? you might ask of the odd photo posted here. It does look rather strange I have to admit. It is a photo of my bathroom ceiling which seems on the verge of bursting and creating my own little lake inside as it continues to rain outside. The leak is directly over the edge of my bathtub so I have to place a bucket precariously on top of the tub’s edge to catch the drip. The bucket has already fallen once. Luckily, it fell into the bathtub.

Even worse is the drip, drip, drip, drip … Closing the door has muffled the sound somewhat. But still it goes drip, drip, drip …

My landlord said one of my neighbors had complained about a leak in his apartment last week. A roof expert was sent on top of the building but nothing was found. Of course, it takes very little for a leak to develop. I know this because at my last full-time job, the roof leaked just about the entire seven years I was there. The building was given a new roof, but still I would have to place a trash can on my desk when a downpour took place. I said the situation reminded me of the old “Snuffy Smith” cartoon in which buckets were placed all over the Smith household because the worthless, lazy, moonshine-drinking, gambling, chicken thief Snuffy wouldn’t fix the roof. I’ll just leave it at that, okay?

Perhaps I will post another photo when the bathroom ceiling collapses. Hopefully, I won’t be in there when it happens. Until then … drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, …

A picture of yours truly after waiting for phone calls.

Did I ever tell you how much I hate waiting on phone calls? I’m sure I have. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I am trying to put together a freelance project so I can make some money, eat, live, etc., you know? I started making calls yesterday. I called the Coast Guard. They had not called me back by this morning so I called again. They said they were working on my inquiry. I made three other calls this morning. No one has returned my calls.

Sometimes it seems as if people are conspiring against me to not return my calls because they know how much I hate waiting. I know that sounds paranoid (Does it sound paranoid? Is someone saying I’m paranoid?) But really it is odd how you can make tons of calls and no one calls you back, or they call you back all at once. I’m dealing with forces beyond my control here.

Maybe I need a new profession. Perhaps I will open a lemonade stand. I believe I can give the little kid down the street a run for his money.

Photographers seem more interested in John Roberts (sitting at right), before his Supreme Court confirmation, than Sen. John Cornyn proving life just isn’t fair.

Someone once said that if hypocrisy was illegal, then most of Washington, D.C., would be locked up. Be that as it may U.S. Sen. John Cornyn, R-Texas, has an interesting Web site. No it’s not his normal Senate Web site but rather a version of his Web site en Espanol. This Spanish version Web site gives the junior Texas senator a way to explain issues such as his recent vote against the Senate immigration reform bill:

“Declaracion De Cornyn Sobre Promulgacion De Propuesta De Inmigracion En El Senado:
Yo sigo comprometido a lograr una reforma comprensiva, pero no puedo apoyar una propuesta con tantas fallas,’” dice Cornyn

Or, in English, Cornyn says the bill is flawed.

A case could be made for the political necessity of having bilingual Web sites when the state you represent is 32 percent Hispanic. However, Cornyn has hardly been a promoter of English as a second language:

“People should come to America and be American and learn English. And they can’t do it if people live as though they’re part of a subculture,” said Cornyn.

You may agree with some of that, all of that or none of that. Cornyn did vote recently for the provision that English should be the national language. So does his Web sites in Spanish and English constitute hypocrisy, political genius, political necessity or all or none of the above? I don’t want to be sued by Fox News so instead of saying ‘I report, you decide,’ I’ll say: I tell you about it, you figure it out.

Scientists have discovered what I have long suspected: Beer is good for you. At least the compound xanthohumol that is found in hops, a beer ingredient, is useful in fighting prostate cancer. The problem is you would have to drink 17 beers daily for the cancer-fighting protein to do its work. And why is that a problem?

Alcohol has long been touted as good for what ails you. The Bible tells you so:

“Drink no longer water, but use a little wine for thy stomach’s sake and thine often infirmities.” — 1 Timothy 5:23

My doctor even suggested I drink a little red wine to help lower cholesterol and I have been pretty well following his advice since he told me. I don’t think it will be very long until science finally proves correct some of my other theories that certain substances generally known to be hazardous can be helpful. We may see these headlines in the future, for instance:

“Scientists find lard prevents skin cancer.”
“Researchers discover whisky, rare beef and smoking contributes to longevity.”
“Severe head trauma enhances the quality of life, doctors say.”
“Study says sexually-transmitted diseases improve depth perception.”

And finally:

“Death no longer carries social stigma it once had, says prominent psychologist.”