Author: Dick

“Did you know I also invented the hand?”

It took some long hours, some trial and error as well as some rapid-fire expletives, but I finally have my new operating system installed along with an updated browser. I had not envisioned this task being one akin to a visit in Hell. My vision of Hell, by the way, is being tied up with bungee cord and enduring seven straight days of dialogue between Ann Coulter and Michelle Malkin about the failures of the Clinton administration.

But everything seems to be running pretty well now and I have these pretty little buttons on my Yahoo toolbar that actually seem to believe I am going to click on one sooner or later. And I may. Only 56 more hours until I’m a half-century old. I might as well live a little.

On those days when all works well with the Internet and information for which you would have waited for weeks back in the old days flows freely like ice-cold water from a mountain spring, you just can’t help but give thanks to the creator of this wonderful invention. That’s right — I’m talking about Al Gore, inventor of the Internet. Thanks Al! And thanks so much for also inventing WiFi and Meals Ready to Eat. They both came in handy during Hurricane Rita.

UPDATE: I found that I desperately needed Internet Explorer 6, which I finally was able to load after dumping some files. Now I can italicize and embolden to my heart’s content.

It is way past my bedtime but I am stumped and somewhat miffed, which is either pronounced miffed or miff-ed. Either way I am a little agitated. I installed an updated operating system this afternoon, from Windows NT4 to Windows 2000. It’s a long story why. Just trust me. When I go to my Blogger Dashboard, which is where I post these nuggets, I no longer have a toolbar. This means, I would have to go to some outside means to post photos and I would have to use, e-gods, so-called “keyboard shortcuts” to italicize, boldicize, exorcise or jazzercize my blog posting. And you know I can’t have that. It’s going to be a major pain in the ass if I don’t figure it out soon, as far as blogging goes, because I will have to use my laptop and it is just … well, we got to figure out what is wrong here. If you have a clue e-mail me at eightftdeep@hotmail.com. And if you are a healer, then please do the following:
You put your right hand in,
You put your right hand out;
You put your right hand in,
And you shake it all about.
You do the Hokey-Pokey,
And you turn yourself around.

That’s what it’s all about. Whatever ‘it’ is.
Sorry, even the damn keyboard shortcuts aren’t working so I am italic-less. He’p me!

They aren’t singing “God Bless America” at this game.

A few thoughts struck me like a wild pitch last evening as I watched the World Series. And no, I am not going to talk about the game itself. The White Sox leading the series 2-0. Sigh!

Lou Rawls did what I feel was an admirable job singing the “Star Spangled Banner” before the game. I always cringe when I hear someone sing our anthem a cappella. It’s such a difficult song for even the best of singers to sing. So why in the name of Thomas and George Jefferson haven’t we changed our National Anthem to something more pleasant and easier to sing? I mean, it probably sounded good as a drinking song if you were totally crocked on some grog. But when you’re sober prior to the beginning of a game you hear a song that is a disaster awaiting FEMA.

I have said many times that we should change our National Anthem to “America the Beautiful,” the Ray Charles version. It’s got a lot of imagery in there. It has God in there so it ought to please the Christian right. I guess it leaves out the rocket’s red glare but I suppose we could add a verse about blowing up an enemy tank with a shoulder-fired missile if you just gotta have your battle images included.

Also, I think the time has come to cease singing “God Bless America” during the 7th inning stretch. I suppose it was poignant enough in the wake of 9-11, if you must make some sort of affirmation of your patriotism. But a lot has happened since 9-11. And we’re still here.

I think a bigger statement about our nation’s strength and resilience could be made by just giving up “God Bless America” during the game without fanfare and begin singing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” once again. That would show the terrorist bastards that we are right back doing the same kind of things we always do. I believe in this instance that actions would speak louder than words. It would mean the terrorists didn’t win. Like we didn’t know that already.

Apparently a crime took place at my small apartment complex last evening as a friend and I went out for dinner and a movie.

A bedroom window in the apartment facing South was smashed out in what neighbors said was an attempt to gain entrance. The apartment is empty. One neighbor said he got a good look at the suspected burglar, whom he said looked like the same guy who had a month or so earlier stopped by the apartment and was trying to open one of the mailboxes. That same neighbor said he made a report to the police about the attempted break-in.

Let me just say that I find this information somewhat dubious. It is obvious that the glass was broken and that the landlord had stopped by to cover the window until new glass could be installed. I don’t want to libel anyone, but I find the activity the neighbor reported as one of a growing string of bizarre incidents around this five-apartment complex.

These incidents have included a burglary and theft of a wallet from an automobile parked behind the apartments next door, as well the theft of a birthday card that I had intended to mail to a friend. I have a suspect and I will not disclose exactly where in the neighborhood this man lives, but I will say it’s too damn close to me. This man is a registered child molester who also has a lengthy rap sheet for auto burglary. Too many strange occurrences have taken place since this paroled felon moved in nearby.

I would like to give someone who did their time in the pen the benefit of the doubt, but I’m not really a big fan of child molesters or burglars. So I will continue to watch him and hope that if he slips up it will be from his propensity to steal rather than molest children. And will I drop a quarter on him should he falter? You bet your ass.