Big Sam in 2006?

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Isn’t it time you elected a dead man for governor?

In the ever-disappointing pre-run up for the Texas governor’s race I just don’t see anyone on the horizon that makes me want to get up in the morning and raise the Texas flag.

“Adios Mofo?” Did Rick Perry really say that on a television interview? He’s even more of an idiot than I thought.

I think, though, I have someone all Texans can get behind. Sam Houston. Yes. That Sam Houston. The same Sam Houston who defeated Santa Ana at San Jacinto. The same Sam Houston who was a friend of the Cherokees who called him “The Big Drunk.” The same Sam Houston who was the second and fourth Republic of Texas president, and was booted out as governor when he wanted Texas to remain a part of the union prior to the Civil War. Yes, yes, yes. The absolutely 100 percent dead Sam Houston.

It would not be unprecedented to elect a dead man as governor. It happened a few years ago when they re-elected Mel Carnahan as governor in Missouri after he was killed in a plane crash. I don’t think a dead person has been elected governor of Texas, at least anyone clinically dead.

I don’t know that the Texas Constitution allows electing a dead governor. But considering that the constitution has been amended more times than Michael Jackson’s nose there remains a good possibility that a “Draft Sam” movement might just be fruitful. After all, a good many Texas politicians (Lyndon B. Johnson for one) owe their office to all those dead people who elected them. Turnabout is fair play, so they say.

The state could really save a lot of money with Sam Houston as governor. He couldn’t endorse his paycheck. He would not be able to call special sessions of the legislature and run up millions in costs to the state’s taxpayers. He couldn’t even appoint anyone to boards and commissions. Just think how much money that would save?

It’s not a done deal that I’m going to come out for Big Sam (who by the way already has a huge statue on Interstate 45 south of Huntsville, so we wouldn’t have to build one of those) as my candidate for governor. I’m still thinking about Austin street person Leslie Cochran. But as it stands now it’s between Big Sam and Leslie.

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