Category: Gov. Good Hair

Whoever it was that is responsible for the mind-numbing numbers of “presidential debates” during the 2011-12 election years — the debates prior to the Commission for Presidential Debate ones — should be taken out and horse-whipped.

Yes, that is a very strong statement but the 27 or so debates among Republican candidates prior to the four debates this fall between President Obama and the GOP nominee have proven themselves as something to keep campaign dollars and the news media flying. Right now there are two, maybe three, more Republican candidates still running for the nomination than there should be and one has to imagine that wouldn’t be the case without the debates.

We are really getting nothing meaningful from the debates. Maybe some Republicans are and I agree I am not one of those. But if you have yet not had a chance to make up your mind who you want to be the GOP standard-bearer then you probably shouldn’t be voting. I would liken those who have seen these same clowns over and over and over and still haven’t decided who is preferential to people who stand for 10 minutes at the sandwich counter asking question after question without ordering. Is it that damn difficult to order a sandwich? Is it that hard to decide upon a Republican candidate for president? What do you have to decide? Is the (white) guy, yes guy, against all kind of taxes? Is he for prying into your private affairs? Then, hey, you got your candidate. Next!

Probably the best result of these debates, so far, was with what ease it took to see that our Texas Gov. Rick “Good Hair” Perry is about the biggest goof-o-ramus one could imagine. Though once again, I don’t see why it took as long as it did to see Perry is such a loser on the stage outside Texas.

And while Herman Cain was somewhat entertaining at times, it certainly wasn’t the debates which showed that he wasn’t a real choice.

Debates are only about one thing: Who can best debate under a given format. I’m no expert although I did debate in high school and was partnered up with an excellent debater who ended up excelling at the contest as a college debater. RIP Waldo, you ol’ master debater! One important lesson I learned debating was that you only are only as good as you are seen by those who judge you. Say what? If you play the game, you likely win. If you are inept at the game, like Rick Perry, you go home.

Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney do very well at the type of debate most seen on the recent televised debates. Rick Santorum and Ron Paul hold their own and often have their moments. These forums shown are not the so-called “policy debates” that have been contested in schools for years and the kind in which I participated. The policy debates stick to one topic for the year and debaters have to research and debate based upon the efficacy produced by that research combined with the ability to speak and think on one’s feet. The debates one sees on TV among candidates don’t even have a clear winner. They are “judged” by the hoots and cheers of an audience and/or the opinion of so many pundits.

Gingrich fancies himself as a great orator and debater. He said he plans to challenge Obama to a series of three-hour “Lincoln-Douglas” style debates if the GOP former speaker is nominated. The Lincoln-Douglas or (LD), named after the series of 1858 Illinois U.S. Senate debates between Abraham Lincoln and Stephen Douglas, are closer to the policy debates than the current TV debates though with certain differences. Either way, Gingrich has such an ego that he probably believes he could out-debate God Almighty. One with knowledge in debate or arguments could easily make a case why Obama, a constitutional law professor and attorney, might just wipe the floor with Gingrich.

Romney, who has proved no slouch at recent televised debates, mocked Gingrich for his attacks on the moderators and news media which has provided the former Georgia congressman and Speaker with loud cheers from the many conservatives in the debate crowds.

There are two reasons one doubts the probability of such debates. First, such LD debates would not be to the president’s advantage. Secondly,  he would face little, if any, risk in refusing an LD debate over a traditional TV debate. Finally and most importantly, it seems very unlikely Gingrich would win the nomination.

Presidential campaigns have played themselves out over the history of the United States for many years without resorting to so many useless, one-sided, debates for the Republican nomination. The seemingly endless number of televised debates, at its base, lacks a fundamental fairness in that examination of major issues are only studied and commented upon from one party’s point of view.

In the end, it might not make any difference. The GOP appears to be winding down as a race between Romney and Gingrich. It seems unrealistic to believe the Republican powers that be will let Gingrich become their nominee. Romney as the standard-bearer could very likely be a losing proposition. But there is little room for debate that Gingrich would make a successful presidential candidate.

*Headline with apologies to the great rock band Cracker.

If I was a Republican — and pigs, of course, could fly — I would be halfway around the proverbial bend by now listening to the myriad of words about and from the mouths of all the 2012 presidential hopefuls. It is just staggering the news and the talking points and the yip-yap flying through the air and over the Internet and onto the printed pages of the media. A more cynical soul might think that this was a GOP prank to show all that the party had, themselves and without help from the legislative branch, invented a full-employment act for journalists and politicos.

Here is a little taste from a day in the life of the chase for the 2012 GOP presidential nomination:

The Godfather of Pizza, Herman Cain, told an Ohio crowd that “stupid people are ruining America.” Cain apparently had that epiphany after having gone through recent sex scandals and news that he allegedly has been carrying on a 13-year affair with a woman who is not his wife. Yesterday he told supporters he was “reassessing” his campaign. Today he sounds like he is still in it. Unfortunately, the thought may not have occurred to Cain that he just might be one of those people to whom he refers.

There is only one Newt. So, he should go by only one name, Newt. Newt, “The Newt,” Newt will tell Sean Hannity in an interview tonight that he helped Ronald Reagan and Jack Kemp develop supply side economics and that Newt also helped defeat communism. Although the aforementioned pigs will fly before I watch the interview, I can imagine Newt might also proclaimed that he helped Al Gore invent the Internet, he helped Edward Teller develop the hydrogen bomb and helped Bettie Nesmith Graham (mother of Monkee Mike Nesmith) invent Liquid Paper.

In yet another Faux News interview — Hmm, the network sure showcases a lot of Republicans. Wonder why? — Mitt “Mittens” Romney explained to Fox reporter Bret Baier that he did not exactly know how his position on immigration differed from that of Newt’s. But he’s sure it was somehow different. “Now what was it I said when I was governor of Massachusetts?”

Poor Rick Gov. “Good Hair” Perry. He seems to continue faltering in his quest to regain his status back at the top of the heap. I’d feel sorry for him except I know that if he doesn’t get the nomination — and it looks as if he may not — he will return to Texas and continue to make our lives a living hell. Maybe it’s the pressure of the campaign or maybe he’s been eating peyote buttons but he continues flubbing chunks of information that even an 18-year-old would know, like the legal age for voting. (It’s 18.) (It’s 21 to buy al-ki-haul.)

Michelle “Crazy Lady” Bachmann was supposed to call in to a South Carolina talk radio show the other day. The host waited and waited some more. He finally discovered Bachmann stood him up after glancing up at the TV and seeing her talking on Fox News. There must be some theme here, all these Republican politicians on Fox News!

I would normally make fun of Rick Santorum but for the news that he has been campaigning with a seriously ill 3-year-old daughter. I don’t like Santorum, I think he’s a sanctimonious SOB. But I will say this. I somehow understand his rationale for a campaign which has less than a snowball’s chance. Still, I believe that if I was in his shoes I’d go home and spend however many years, months or days he has to spend with his little girl.

Ron “Dr. No and No Some More” Paul has a 2 1/2-minute Web ad going off on Newt. Newt’s ties to the health care industry. Newt’s flip-flopping. Newt’s taking money from Freddie Mac. Newt’s taking money from the late Bernie Mac. Newt’s taking money from the way late Ted Mack. I watched the ad. You would think Ron Paul wouldn’t use Newt’s name and Newt’s picture so much during those 2 1/2 minutes. You know, even bad publicity is good publicity?

You know that Jon “Not in the Hunt” Hunstman really seems more Democrat than Republican when he uses terminology not heard since the first Clinton presidential campaign. The term “hopeful” really applies to Huntsman. Especially the “hope” part.

One round was all that I could handle. I speak of the most recent Republican presidential candidate debate held on CBS. I did see co-moderator Scott Pelley, the CBS heir to the evening news throne, get spanked by Mitt Romney. Pelley told the Mitt that his time was up. It was and Romney called him on that. I bet whomever was responsible for that behind stage got taken to the woodshed by Pelley. But Pelley was wrong. Mitt was right. And I don’t care.

What I didn’t hear and what wasn’t said was perhaps one of the most important discussions to come out of this whole three-ring circus. I speak on the question of whether water boarding is torture. More than one candidate, including Mitt, said nothing. Herman Cain, Rick Perry and Michelle Bachmann were all for bringing it back. If they are so much for it, then why don’t they volunteer to be water boarded? That would certainly make the seemingly never-ending series of debates more interesting.

Ron Paul and Jon Huntsman spoke against water boarding. If only they could build a candidate that was the good parts of Ron Paul, such as his forthright stand on this and other civil liberties issues, plus many of the good portions that is Jon Huntsman, perhaps they would have a halfway sensible person running for president. Of course, Ron Paul and Jon Huntsman will not be the GOP candidate for president.

The president has reminded the country that he signed an Executive Order prohibiting torture using, among other methods, water boarding. Good for him. I mean, good for him signing the EO. And touting it. He might as well define good versus evil.

While they’re at it:

Good Hair, how much in Texas taxpayer funds has been spent on your security during this ill-advised run for presidential candidate?

Perry: Glub, glub

Congresswoman Bachmann, what kind of evil have you done in your life and have you ever cheated on your taxes?

Bachmann: Glub, glub

Godfather Cain, how many women who worked for you did you hit on?

Cain: Glub, glub

The next debate moderators might bring along their rain wear should the route taken include water boarding the candidates.

Host: And good evening, glub, glub.