The GOP debate. For better and worse.

Who’d have thought that me, myself and I would all sit back last night and watch one of the millions of debates scheduled this year of the folks seeking the Republican nomination for president? Nothing to do, for sure? Well, it was a little political entertainment until the series finale of “Rescue Me” started. Oh, and it was a fine end to a fine series for Denis Leary and the gang.

No, actually I watched most of it because it is the only game in town right now. Even though our own Gov. Goodhair Rick Perry, touted war and fide as “the flavor of the week,” having the lock on the nomination, that’s still a little while off. We’re talking a few days short of a year away from Tampa where probably some of the silliest people in the world doing the silliest things and talking silly s**t will gather and crown whomever it was who had the lock for several months before.

Gov. Goodhair did not look indestructible last night. He and Mitt Romney seemed to crowd out the others but if the vote for debate winner last night was between the two candidates — and sadly it was — Mittens emerging the clear winner.

Here is my “Not close to best” to worst list:

1. Gov. Mitt “Mittens” Romney. He had a very good grasp on his idea of the issues. He was also able to fend off most cuts by the rest of the bunch. Unfortunately, he came off like some sort of Mormon robot called “Mr. Personality,” You know, in the same ilk as calling Yao Ming “Tiny.”

2. Gov. Rick “Goodhair” Perry. I have seen this guy way too many times although never in such a forum. He did a mostly good job of trying to convince the crowd and his opponents that he does not have transparent skin. He continues to make so many false claims, such as his boasting responsibility for the stellar job creation in Texas, that continue to go unabated. I guess you did have to give the duo of Romney and Richie Rich Jon Huntsman credit for pointing out their state’s job growth equaled or bettered Perry’s. All in all, Goodhair came off like the “Return of the Shrubman (Gee Dubya).”

3. Gov. Jon “Richie Rich” Huntsman. I had to give him some nickname and he is rich with wealth which runs in the family. He was the only candidate, at least in my not-so-humble opinion, with more sentences which made sense than the others. When I say “make sense” I speak both in diction and substance. That isn’t to say I’d vote for him. No way. I’m not one of those. (Republicans) Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

4. Rep. Michelle “Ma” Bachmann. Congresswoman Bachmann, remarkably, said little compared with the others. And what she said was not crazy rhetoric, she’s been getting a little somewhere by not whining her insane ideas and opinions. Perhaps during the next debate she might should say nothing at all. That could make her a winner.

5. Congressman Ron “Earth-to-Utopia” Paul. I called his office this afternoon. I just wanted to hear it from his folks that the Utopian Libertarian Ron Paul will be my congressman come Jan. 1. Good God Gertie what a grasshopper! But Paul said he will not seek another term after than. So we have him for, what, a year? We also are getting rid of “God and Texas Ted Poe.” That’s how he signs his mass e-mailings. I mean, how full of himself can one be? Well, with Poe, we’re talking a lot.

I don’t have a lot to argue with Ron Paul were his rants based in something other than a fairy tale Never Never Land. While Mittens and the others preach free market economics, Paul believes it. That, in itself, is all right. But very, very little of transforming his beliefs into reality is possible with our system of government. I can’t understand why he is congressman. It will be interesting to see him in (in)action when he is my congressman.

6. Herman “The Godfather of Pizza” Cain, savior of Godfather’s Pizza, was the one candidate to bring a couple of snappy PR ideas to the party. There was 9-9-9, a plan to do away with the payroll tax and enact flat individual, business and national sales taxes each at 9 percent. The other idea was to adopt Chile’s model of Social Security, which probably means taking the elderly out to be executed. No that’s not it. Read here. The truth is, if Barack Obama is not re-elected, you will likely not see anyone with dark skin (other than a nice tan) elected president for a long time. Too bad Cain is an African-American during this particular election.

7. Rick “Man on Dog Santorum. Rick didn’t say too much. Thus, he didn’t say too many things which were ridiculous and sanctimonious. He actually had a good debate due to his lack of speaking.

8. Newt “Eye of the Newt” Gingrich. The former Speaker of the House has seen his presidential bid sputter to just about nothing. In fact, I didn’t know he was still running for president. The only remark Gingrich made that was notable was his blaming the media for attempting to push Republicans toward emasculaitng one another.  I’d have loved to see that! It was a gratuitous, inane comment. Gingrich needs a nap.

 

Why I write here about politics and other trivial B.S.

Hurricane seasons remind me why I mostly write here on a blog about politics and various other topics less given to blood and death.

Now during my first couple of years freelancing I happened to make a fair amount of money writing about the evacuations and aftermath of hurricanes for a large U.S. metro newspaper. I wrote a little about the Katrina evacuation but fortunately I didn’t get too involved in the sad carnage of that storm. Mostly I wrote about damage and about people starting over in the wake of hurricanes Rita and Ike.

Back to the season itself and its influence on my writing I think back to almost 33 years ago when I worked as a firefighter. I was working on a Saturday evening during a time that bumper-to-bumper traffic filled our local roadways, some 140 miles from the Gulf of Mexico, as coastal folks tried to outrun the storm.

My assignment at that station on that particular day was to ride the first-in pumper as well as driving the monster Gerstenslager panel rescue truck. It took some doing and a patient co-worker to teach me, but I finally learned how to drive the truck which like most of the other trucks we used operated with a 10-speed, high-low transmission. And to say the rescue truck was top heavy would be a great understatement.

Sometime that evening, oh say around 8 p.m. or so, we received a call from the police department hotline that we had a wreck out on the West Loop with fire and people trapped. My station officer, Tommy, and I jumped in our bunker clothes like it was our second skin and lit out in the old rescue truck. A fire engine was always on the scene of a rescue due to the likelihood, as was the case this evening, of a fire. The engine from 3 Station would be on the scene in probably two minutes after receiving the alarm.

This may have been the first time I drove a fire apparatus “hot” or “10-33,” meaning we were running in an emergency mode with lights and sirens activated. I remembered my emergency driving class from both rookie school and in my EMT course. The overriding theme was: “Look at the big picture.” I still try to do that while driving. The state trooper who taught both courses, this was a small town after all, said he never used emergency lights or siren because “no one ever paid attention.” But our policy was to use lights and sirens, even our big, door-mounted spotlight. Our training officer in fire academy taught us that spotlight was a good way to get driver’s attention. I flashed it from one side of the road to another as I was driving. I would later find the spotlight was a good mechanism for those cars with drivers who failed to notice a big red truck with lights blazing and sirens roaring. You flash that big light in their rear-view mirror and the car in front of you would pretty much always see you. Now whether the driver would pull over to the right as required by law, or they would pull to the left, or even stop right in front of you, was the big question. I had all of that happen to me at some time driving an emergency vehicle.

The 3 Engine had the fire out by the time we arrived on the scene. We had to battle thick hurricane evacuation traffic to get there, but we finally pulled up to where a Ford Pinto was cremated from the front seat back. As had been known to happen, and I knew well about this even though my first car five years before was a Pinto, a car rear-ended the Pinto causing the exposed gas tank under the car to rupture and erupt into flames.

Most noticeable when I surveyed the scene was a solid-black figure sitting upright in the back seat. Police on the scene told us the Pinto had been rear-ended in the stop-and-go traffic and when the car caught fire the two front-seat occupants were able to dive out the door windows. The young man who was the lone back seat occupant, about 18 or 19 years old, wasn’t so fortunate. He left our rescue task as, what they call today, a recovery.

There was plenty to busy me still while trying to wrap my mind around the fact a burned-up, dead body was in the car. I helped Tommy set up the Jaws of Life that our firefighter’s union had recently purchased. Tommy then let me pop open the driver’s side door so we could recover the body. There was, up close and personal, the body.

This had probably been the first human body I had ever seen that had died from something other than natural death. I can testify that the sight of a corpse charred is like no other one can imagine. They say you never forget the smell. I guess because I smoked cigarettes back then that smell was one of my least senses. Emergency workers are known for their black humor to help fight off the horror of what one sees and has to process in their minds. The victims are “crispy critters” or “barbecues” or “extra well done.” The families of victims would probably sue or try to have someone fired if they ever heard this, and they would be right to do so because this is something among those like us. It is called trying to cope.

I donned gloves and helped load the victim in a body bag and placed it in a hearse that soon showed up. I know larger cities have coroners who take care of such matters, but in smaller towns the funeral home comes out. The funeral director shows up in his dark, three-piece suit no matter what time of day. I used to think: “Jeez, what a well-dressed guy for such a glum occcasion.”

When we got back to the station, the guys knew or figured at least, that this was my first barbecue. The jokes then began. Tommy said: “Yeah, I got up there in the middle of it all and had my picture made with him,” talking about the body. Tom, the assistant chief, showed up. I don’t know the kind of horrors he had seen before becoming a firefighter. He was a Marine in the Pacific Islands in World War II and he had seen a lot. He gave me a meek, almost embarrassed smile and said: “Son, you got to laugh about these things.”

That body, all crisp with no real human resemblance — not to be cruel but it reminded me of a possum a bunch of us kids tried to cook one night on a camping trip and it just turned into burned animal — stayed with me in my sleep at night for several nights. Then it went away.

It would not be the first burned body I would see. I would view and help load into those black body bags a few more burned corpses during my five years as a firefighter. When I worked as a reporter I saw several more barbecues, not to mention shooting victims. In fact, I finally told my editor that I needed a change of scenery in the way of news beats. The last gruesome scene I came across as police reporter was just a bit too graphic.

A couple of Mexican nationals had gone to buy some beer and when they left the store, the driver took off a little too fast. The car he drove flew up on top of a pipe fence at a Central Texas ranch and the vehicle rode the top rail for a good 50 or so feet. When the car reached a weld in the pipe, the fence collapsed as did the car. The passenger was thrown clear of the wreck and survived. The driver was left another nightmare for me even though I never recalled dreaming about it.

The justice of the peace — our version of coroners in Texas but this one had quite the experience as he was one of the JPs at the scene of the Branch Davidian blaze — and I surveyed the body in the car. The judge figured out that when the pipe broke, it came through the car and skewered the driver, pushing the corpse back into the gas tank where the car burst into flames.

A co-worker back at the office later asked me about how the victim looked. I said: “He didn’t look very good.”

What travels through my mind at night while I am asleep, I really don’t know. Most of my dreams are trivial. Every once in awhile I will dream something bizarre, even somewhat scary even though I am not really afraid. It’s like this morning I dreamed of a creature that looked as a cross between a gila monster and a wolverine. It was very unfriendly, but only to the dog that was around us. It finally melted once I tossed water on it, like the Wicked Witch of the West in “The Wizard of Oz.”

No harm, no foul. No chickens, no fowl. I know that sounds like malarkey, and it is. Sometimes it just best to let sleeping corpses lie.

 

A note or two for the day

Just a note or two on the headlines.

First, it’s raining, but just a little bit. Just a little bit here and there and a lot there and here. That’s the way things go down here on the coast in the summertime, when as Mungo Jerry sang: “… and the weather is high, you can stretch right up and touch the sky.” Then, something, something about having women on your mind. It’s probably because of those little bikinis and thongs. Oh my goodness. Some folks get weirded out about a 55-year-old man talking about things like bikinis and thongs. Grow the f**k up, Junior!

But it looks like we will just get rains in fits and spurts like always until that tropical storm comes along and sits off the coast for a few days. We can only wish. The fits and spurts have made some progress here on the Upper Texas Coast though. We’ve had some pretty significant downpours. I’m sure you are interested in our weather here. Sorry, I’ve tried writing about other matters and came up short.

The Independent of London reports the death of Sean Hoare, the whistleblower of the News Corp scandal is not suspicious, according to British investigators. Hmmm. Coming on the heels of the Murdoch media empire tumbling down, the death of the whistleblower who made it all happens isn’t suspicious? Why it is to me.

An editorial in The Wall Street Journal, one of the News Corp properties in the U.S. along with Fox “Faux” News, says the liberal media and critics of Murdoch have just been piling on. When all else fails, blame it on the liberal media. Personally, it wouldn’t hurt me one iota to see Fox News tank. I have said and I continue to say that Fox News is nothing more than a propaganda tool for the right wing.  And yes, I include their news operation, especially their news operation. They should know better.

Finally, here is hoping a new, good and fair collective bargaining agreement gets approved by the NFL players. Yeah, the players make millions. They deserve it for a four or five year career that can leave them crippled for life with traumatic arthritis and brain damage. It’s their fault though, right? Well, yes, or their parents or coaches or teachers or school board or television or Wheaties or the Punt, Pass and Kick program or the late Dandy Don Meredith. They shouted out, “who killed the Kennedys, when after all, it was you and me,” ah “Sympathy For The Devil” a Rolling Stones classic. I can still see Mick Jagger way down there on the floor of the Louisiana Superdome singing/shouting “Pleased to meet you, hope you guess my name … ” It’s a great song. Don’t judge a book by its cover. Have a good rest of the day.

Aides “Newtloose” so where does this leave Rick and Dog on Man?

Well, it looks like advisers of Newt Gingrich took a vote of no-confidence as most of the aides walked on the former House speaker and current candidate for GOP presidential nomination. Since two of the aides have what The Texas Tribune calls “extensive links” to our good-haired Gov. Rick Perry, the star-powered non-profit Web site puts A + B together to get a capital C, which rhymes with P and that stands for Perry. (With apologies to Meredith Wilson, even though he’s been gone for quite awhile now.)

Just because Newt had a massive ship abandoning and some of those jumping are former Perry guys that adds to the “rampant speculation that Gov. Rick Perry will scoop them up to launch his own White House bid,according to a Tribune story by veteran Austin reporter Jay Root.

Don’t get me wrong. I think Jay Root, former Associated Press and Fort Worth Star-Telegram capitol reporter, is one of the best state government reporters and definitely one of the best writers covering the subject. I just think it’s a little weak to make such speculations.

Maybe Good Hair, after this and perhaps more Special Sessions of the Texas Legislature this year, will decide to throw in his hat. It just musses up that purty coiffure anyway. But I don’t think such a leap as is being made due to the Newt-fection, which Root tags as “speculation” in any event, is warranted at 4:01 p.m. CDT, June 9, 2011. Or 4:02 p.m. CDT, …

It does not take much of a hop, skip or jump to surmise that the mass defection might have had more to do with Newt being a weak, turned weakened and particularly unattractive candidate. That also is not to say Rick Perry would be a stronger or particularly appealing Republican presidential aspirant. As a matter of fact, I can’t think of two more less appealing candidates for president or even dog catcher to represent any party.

So at least for the moment, I would say the tote board shows: Gingrich defection 1, Perry probably < 1. But, I live in Beaumont and not Austin, so what do I know?

Oh, and speaking of another possible GOP hopeful — this one actually makes me feel sorry for the Republican Party — former Sen. Rick “Man on DogSantorum declared today that climate change is “junk science.” That’s not so surprising especially since Rush Limbaugh — on whose show this “great man of science Santorum” made such a proclamation, has a jihad against the scientific notion of climate change. However, GOP candidate and former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney told a town hall meeting in New Hampshire last week that he thinks the Earth is warming and as a result of human activity. I suppose the GOP has got that “big tent” thing working.

And, I take it back, I can think of an equally unappealing candidate for president as Rick Santorum. Move over Newt and Good Hair.

 

 

The nexis of nothing and not much of nothing (That’s what she said)

wow. As in, underwhelmed-type “wow.”

Who would have thought our little corner of the state of Texas would be, sort of, the center of the media universe. At least, it was for a little while yesterday. That proved true as well in the completely ridiculous story of a New York congressman sex-texting his Newt, a sordid tale named appropriately by some in the media for such a political scandal — “Weinergate.”

“Oh I wish I weren’t a Congressman Anthony Weiner, that is what I truly wouldn’t be-e-e,
cause if I were a Congressman Anthony Weiner everyone would say WTF? to me. Another verse, with more gusto …”

Or something like that.

I have lost faith, interest, whatever you lose with a newspaper, with my hometown newspaper, “The Beaumont Enterprise.” The Hearst Newspaper product has a storied history, or a history of stories, at least. It still has a couple of good writers. But I think the Internet has turned the paper into something much less than it was and considerably less than what it could be, sorry but I couldn’t end with a preposition.

Call it psychic misfire or where one story ends and the other begins, I did buy today’s Enterprise in a store. Buying one these days is indeed a rarity even though it is a time this former reporter should be supporting newspapers. The Internet has ruined the Enterprise in more ways than one. I will not go deeply but anyone with a knowledge of newspaper newsrooms these days could easily figure out what is wrong with the my local paper.

Still, “Mass grave hysteria,” today’s below-the-fold story kind of sums up what is wrong with news today. That is even though the headline refers to the story about a psychic who managed to get scores of cops and media types, complete with their sat trucks and helicopters, out into the Big Thicket yesterday.

A lot of weird stuff happens in “The Thicket,” which refers both to a region which is both a botanical crossroads of the contiguous United States and a federal preserve under the control of the National Park Service. There, is this little lane through the woods known as “Bragg Road” which has drawn teens and curiosity seekers for decades to see the mysterious lights that seem to look different to each who catches a glimpse. Some say it is swamp gas. Others say it the spirit of a railroad man who worked on nearby rails. Depending on who tells the story, the railroader lost his hand while hitching together some rail cars and the ghost now walks around carrying his railroad lantern looking for that missing glove-holder.

So the story that sort of did, sort of didn’t, happen yesterday is not a real classic Big Thicket story though one day, with much telling and mis-telling, it may so become.

What happened is Liberty County authorities, where this psychic non-drama took place, got a call from a woman claiming to be a psychic. She reportedly was from the Texas Panhandle but was calling from a Austin-area telephone. That sounds kind of like the wonderful introduction the classic live version of the Waylon Jennings tune, “Bob Wills Is Still the King:”

“Here is a song I wrote on a plane between Dallas and Austin. Going to El Paso.”

That sounded kind of freaky back in the 70s, but not today to anyone who flies American Airlines in Texas.

The psychic conjured up a horrible scenario of chopped up kiddies with plenty of blood and gore told with just enough of the right details to make local authorities take notice.

As is the case when anything more than a 10-96 goes down in these parts, all the area authorities like to join in, those such as the Texas Rangers, the FBI, Gator 911, the Hardin-Jefferson Screaming Hawks High School Band, the Coast Guard, the Texas Commission on Environmental Quality, and the formidable Beaumont ISD Police Department.

And great googly moogly, when you’ve got that many cops in one place, you know who is going to show up don’t you? That’s right. The Dunkin’ Donut Mobile Rescue Corps.  No, the news media. This event/non event taking place right in the epicenter of a couple of small news markets such as Huntsville, Lufkin and Beaumont, and a large one, namely Houston, plus the national guys such as CNN out of Dallas, brings in mucho media.

Search did the police. They found some rotting meat in a malfunctioning freezer. On a really, really hot Texas day. Jeez, those police deserve a bonus for that. They also found some blood which the owner, reportedly a long-haul trucker who was on the road and was quite surprised to hear a national “happenin'” was going down at his place, said came from a botched suicide attempt. The botchee, was allegedly the landlord’s daughter’s ex boyfriend who was stationed at Fort Hood. Although I do not encourage suicide, I can see why the soldier tried, since he was stationed at Fort Hood.

But the cops found no chopped up bodies of kids or anything else.

Meanwhile, “Naughty politician sexted LU student,” the Enterprise head read, “LU” referring to local Lamar University. Yes, a local 26-year-old was getting nastygrams from Anthony Weiner. The young lady went on Sean Hannity’s show and reportedly — I don’t watch Hannity — gave a very grown-up account of the … whatever it is. ABC reportedly paid a very grown-up amount between $10,000 and $15,000 for an interview with our local 15 minutes of fame celeb Meagan Broussard. I sound snarky, but I could do a lot with $15,000, so I will be less than judgmental.

I close this media-rich episode with a message that just came up at the bottom of my blog saying: “You do not have permission to do that.”

Everywhere you have a critic.