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Pentagon is made fun of and likes it. Then bombs satirists.

This might come as a shock to you, but the endless battles fought by the United States military is taking such a toll on its soldiers that its officer corps no longer seeks inspiring its minions.

 “You’ll notice my wife and daughters aren’t here sitting in the audience today,” said Capt. Vince Miller, speaking to his Army company in a change of command ceremony. “That’s because Sheila left me six months ago when I had to skip our 10th anniversary trip to Jamaica so I could come in on a Sunday for unit PT, since one of you dipshits decided to go out and get his third DUI.”

Even suicide, a scourge some see as near epidemic proportions in today’s Army, received no euphemisms from the outgoing company commander.

  “Do any of you morons have any clue how much paperwork it causes when you blow your sad little heads off? At least have the courtesy to go AWOL first,” Captain Miller said. “But for fuck’s sake don’t come back for at least 30 days so I can drop you off my books and let someone else deal with the meatsack of failure that is your existence.”

Such frankness sent shock-waves through today’s Pentagon. That is, until the higher-ups figured out that “articles” such as this one, titled “Outgoing Company Commander: “I Hate You,” is satire. Yes, say hello to “Duffel Blog.”

Once the Pentagon discovered the blog was satire, the uptight dime-a-dozen lieutenant colonels let loose guffaws in probably one of the most nervy spots on Earth. The website which skewers the military and its civilian leadership with headlines such as Obama On Military Cuts: If You Like Your Job, You Can Keep It,” has found its fans even in the Pentagon leadership.

 “Duffel Blog is a beautifully crafted response to an increasingly stuffy environment in today’s America,” retired Gen. James Mattis, a former head of U.S. Central Command who has been parodied in several items,” The Washington Post reported.

Like its civilian-counterpart The Onion, the Duffel Blog has had its articles mistaken for the truth. This, in turn, sometimes confuses those who cannot tell truth from lie. For instance, a blog called Mr. Conservative, rang the wing-nut alarm bells upon discovering headlines from a recent Duffel Blog exclaiming: “Obama Admin. Hands Out Pamphlet: “What To Do When The Veteran In Your Classroom Attempts A Mass Shooting.” That someone could confuse this with the truth makes one worry for their fellow mankind.

Perhaps those unfamiliar with the military culture and structure will not “get” this military satire. But fortunately enough for me, that is not my problem.

 

 

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Even the simplest of facts in the Alexis mass murder story is nuanced

When tragedies such as the Washington Navy Yard massacre occur it becomes apparent — through the media — that the public doesn’t know shit from Shinola when it comes the military.

All day yesterday I heard that former Naval Reservist Aaron Alexis of Fort Worth had been given a general discharge upon release from active reserve duty. Alexis, 34, died after allegedly slaughtering 12 people yesterday in the Naval Sea Systems Command, located at the Navy Yard. Today, in mostly written tones that appeared mostly accusatory, The Washington Times, updated the information saying Alexis was given a honorable discharge. The Times is the conservative mouthpiece of D.C. founded by cult leader Sun Myung Moon. The Navy added Alexis was discharged after a period of “misconduct.”

In realty, there isn’t much difference between a general and an honorable discharge. Of course, the nut jobs will assume what was in reality an upgrade had to do with race. These nut jobs see any advantage a black person receives is given rather than earned. The major difference  in discharges or practically anything else regarding military service is in the type of job one does, the type of unit one is in, whether the commanding officer is understanding or not, and whether a person has a decent supervisor. I’m not saying there isn’t racism still in the military, but the service is generally less racist than other portions of society.

The chronological times also define military separations. That is, whether the military needs people really bad, especially those in critical jobs. When I served in the Navy from 1974-1978, the major difference between a honorable discharge and a general discharge under honorable conditions was that the latter was given the honorable discharge providing the individual had performance marks above 2.5 on a 0 to 4.0 scale. As for benefits distinguishing the two, an honorably separated sailor could wear his Navy uniform home from the service when I was honorably separated. Someone with a general separation could not. The criteria for discharges change from time-to-time.

I distinguish “separation” and “discharge” here. A person is separated from that individual’s particular date of active duty. I signed up for four years active duty and two years “individual ready reserve.” The latter is a non-drilling type of reserve which is only called up in time of great military need. I could not have seen that happening at all to me between 1978 and 1980. Likewise, no “IRR” call-up occurred. But there were IRR personnel called up during the Iraq and Afghanistan wars. Once that inactive reserve time is served, you may be like me and forgot you were even in the IRR when all of a sudden, a big envelope comes in the mail with a cheaply-made Honorable Discharge certificate. You, or in this case, I, was finally discharged.

Someone should not look upon the type of discharge Alexis had as a major factor of determining what went wrong with him. He said that he had PTSD from having served as a first-responder at 9/11 at the World Trade Center. Whether that is true remains to be seen.

The internet offers instant analysis. True I am giving someone an instant analysis, but the majority is based on knowledge of the armed forces. That is at least the case for one period in U.S. military history. I just ask that someone gets his or her information from a trusted, or semi-trusted, source before floating it all over the internets.

It’s just a thought. If you don’t like it, you sure as shit don’t have to read it.

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Beetle and Sarge still at it

It must be all of those naps that keeps one of the Army’s oldest enlisted men going.

Pvt. Beetle Bailey must be going on about 80, we don’t know for sure. He was probably 18 or so when he left home for Rockview College. On March 13, 1950, Beetle enlisted in the Army and, one might say, he has made it his career of it.

In today’s Army Bailey would have been long discharged for his habitual laziness and insubordinate attitude, not to mention his naps, which Bailey takes at quite regular intervals. For that matter, he would have been long gone in many of the day’s Armys in between. Likewise, his longstanding superior Sgt. 1st Class Orville Snorkel, would likely have been a goner as a career non-commissioned officer in some of the various incarnations of the U.S. military. For example, Sarge would have probably been given his walking papers for the first 1,000 or more times he pulverized the slacking Private Bailey.

Pvt. Bailey reporting for duty, sir.
Pvt. Bailey reporting for duty, sir.

Perhaps it is fortunate for both private and sergeant that they possess a love-hate relationship that has kept the two in the service all these years, and on Camp Swampy with some of its dubious military characters rather in combat through six major U.S. wars.

That “Beetle Bailey” the comic strip has persevered all these years is largely due to its creator, Mort Walker. Walker celebrated his 90th birthday last week. Walker was born on Sept. 3, 1923, and his successful strip debuted on Sept. 4, 1950. He served in Army intelligence and as an investigator during World War II. Perhaps it was his Army experience that made Walker see the oxymoron Army and intelligence could often present to both those in the civilian world and those in the service alike.

Although once in awhile Walker can ruffle some military feathers, the strip  has the genius of presenting in a reflective way the absurdity that is inherent in huge bureaucratic entities such as the Army and the Defense Department. His humor isn’t biting and at some times sentimental. Still, the strip has a way of reaching the vast diffuse bunch that is the armed forces. That it is probably why such a diverse group of dignitaries sent Walker well-wishes recently on his 90th birthday. That group ranged from New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg to Prince Albert II of Monaco, as well as another famous pair, Dolly Parton.

The strip along with Walker’s “Hi and Lois” — Lois is Beetle’s sister — is a family endeavor that has gone on for years with the creator and his sons helping and is likely to go on past Mort Walker. That is the kind of consistency military people don’t mind having from time-to-time. Beetle will most likely be napping — and probably getting pounded by Sgt. Snorkel for years to come.

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Do you agree with these Harris respondents about places to live?

Just now I came across an interesting poll, of sorts, by Harris, concerning states and cities where people would most want to live in the U.S. After reading the list, I am left wondering just how these respondents made their decisions for these questions. Let us take in the top states in which those who were asked would most like to live other than in their own state:

1. California

2. Hawaii

3. Florida

4. Texas

5. Colorado

6. New York

7. Arizona

8. North Carolina

9. Oregon

10. Washington

Take a look at the states folks said they would least want to live other than their own state:

1. California

2. Alaska

3. New York

4. Mississippi

5. Florida

6. Michigan

7. Texas

8. Alabama

9. District of Columbia

10. New Jersey

It is kind of funny some of those picked as favorite also land in the least favorable with California topping both lists. My state of Texas makes No. 4 in most and No. 7 in the least. I have lived in Texas for all but the four years I served in the Navy. I spent about 3 of those Navy years in Mississippi and about 4 months in California. The first was divided among about six weeks in Meridian, Miss., for training, and the remainder in Gulfport on shore duty. The rest of my time was spent in Long Beach, Calif. and San Diego in between my deployment on a destroyer to the West and South Pacific. I say that because I have no idea what, if anything, those who were questioned for the poll know about any of the states.

The degree to which those respondents knew from personal experience about those states that they judged would have been fascinating to find out. I knew a little about Mississippi and California, not a lot, but I also found that both states had a lot to offer with their beauty and their people.

Even odder are the choices made by those who were asked similar queries about American cities. Only one Texas city makes the top 15 and guess which one it was? You’re right if you say Austin. As always, I think Austin is a fine city. It has beauty. It is vibrant. Plenty of entertainment, music, a large university and the home for Texas government. But plenty of other Texas cities have much to offer as well. And as much as I hate to say it, Austin has become overrated.

So take a look at the polls and see what you think. I bet some of you are not as enamored about certain states and cities as are those Harris respondent. I suppose those polled are a special breed.

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Top 10, finally. Good effort, not too great results.

For quite awhile I have wanted to do a slide show so I could more easily and efficiently compose lists, perhaps even with music. Well today I started with the Top 10 concerts I have attended. It was neither an easy nor efficient use of my time and that of my alternative ego, Mr. Smith, who was kind enough to let us make use of his You Tube account.

The slide show may or may not have music. If it does, it may eventually creep into songs played in the concerts I attended, although once the music gets going the slide show stops until you decide to run it again. Or so it went when I tried it out. Well, no one said I nor Mr. Smith were techno-whizes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lxlMvvCaW4Q&list=HL1378159071&feature=player_detailpage

A word about these concerts. Some are listed with other times I saw the act. For instance, I saw Fleetwood Mac as part of the ZZ Top extravaganza in New Orleans. This was around the time they released the self-titled album. It was likewise just after Lindsey Buckingham and Stevie Nicks joined the group. Then they were the featured act at another City Park show in New Orleans in, I believe, June 1977. I know it was just before I departed Gulfport for sea duty in the Western and Southern Pacific. That particular show in the late Spring of ’77 was pretty much my favorite concert ever. That had more to do with the friends I went with to the concert. We had a blast, Danny, George Jim, Rene and his friend, whose name slips my mind, and myself. The music was really good as well. It seemed every song from “Rumours,” was producing hit after hit from the spring through past the end of the year.

Also, another very popular album at that time was Bob Seger’s fantastic “Night Moves,” another hit machine. Starting off the concert was the melodic and soulful Louisiana Leroux, which has been a.k.a. “Leroux.” The performance was rounded out by Kenny Loggins, who had not long before split with his longtime musical partner, Jim Messina.

About a month before stopping off at our first liberty on our New Zealand and Australian “tour” on board the old destroyer we were given word by the XO that Fleetwood Mac would be playing in Auckland, N.Z., while we were to be there. There were a limited number of tickets available for, I think $7. Not a lot of money but when you were grossing about $535 — $7 would be worth about $27 these days, according to the BLS — then it was a little bit of cash to think about. But I wanted to see if concerts in the U.S. were different than the ones in New Zealand. It was a little different. You didn’t see people smoking reefer as was prevalent at concerts in the USA back then. Other than that not much difference at all. Plus, it was really good music.

So, thinking about “back in the day,” while trying to work with Mr. Smith on movies or slideshows. Here is hoping the ones I do in the future are much better.

Well, I played the video again and no music that time. Also, I noticed a slight error. The Superdome concert I attended where the Allman Brothers were headliners was the first rock concert (perhaps even Southern Rock) to ever take place. There were some other MOR people who played between the opening ceremonies in Aug. 3, 1975, and whenever the concert was … about a month later.