Category: Orphans

Having skeletons in one’s closet aren’t always damaging although they many times prove to be. But the damage can almost be guaranteed when skeletons are found in the closets of those who appear holier-than-thou. It is a fact of life Carrie Prejean is quickly discovering, or perhaps even perceived if you care to be cynical about it.

Prejean, Miss California USA, was first runner-up in the Miss USA pageant and many believe her answer to a question in which she said marriage should be between men and women only cost her the title. Of course, Prejean got mucho mileage out of that statement and quickly became the darling of the anti-gay crowd. However, her rising to the top of the so-called “traditional marriage” folks may not have been all that incidental and now comes word that she posed semi-nude at age 17.

Not, as Jerry Seinfeld said, that there is anything wrong with it.

Pageant officials are determining whether Prejean violated her contract with the contest by her prior modeling and by her working with an anti-gay group.

While I am sure many of Carrie’s fans are outraged that she is being picked on for her views, let me give you my cynical take on it. It’s got to be the best thing ever for Prejean! Whether her anti-gay stance during the pageant was calculated or not, she got a lot of mileage out of being the “injured party” for speaking her mind, especially talking about something so emotionally-charged. Whether her crown is removed or not, this latest development can only extend her 15 minutes of fame. Like the old saying goes: “There is no bad publicity.”

If you are drivin’ down Hwy. 59 through Teneha, Texas, son, you better be broke or you may soon be that way.

Anderson Cooper’s “AC 360” has aired some news reports that, while the stories are news in a sense, are old news to people who have lived for the past 20-to-30 years in East Texas.

CNN’s Gary Tuchman and Katherine Wojtecki revealed that some motorists are going to court to retrieve their money which was seized by police in Teneha, Texas, although being charged with no crime. One speeder said $8,500 and his jewelry was taken from him after police threatened him with money laundering charges if he didn’t sign papers giving up the property.

Such practices, provided they are followed in the spirit of the law, are perfectly legal. Police who use racial and ethnic profiling, which still isn’t legal, nonetheless pull over people they feel fit the profile for carrying drugs or wads of cash to buy drugs. A seizure and forfeiture law gives cops the authority to take such large sums of money, cars or other property. In what is the height to ridiculousness, the individual must “sue” his or her property in court, and go through a long and costly process to win their belongings back.

Although the CNN story states a number of those who had their money taken in Teneha were black or Latino, it also notes the name of police officer Barry Washington continues to surface with regard to the cases. Washington, a black cop who looks like a tall pine tree topped off with a cowboy hat, has long been known to media in East Texas and in police circles for the uncanny number of roadside drug busts he made in that vicinity when he served as a Texas State Trooper. Although the report notes a check uncovered in which Washington received $10,000 for “investigative purposes,” he has not been accused of any crime or wrongdoing.

So-called “drug task forces,” often operated in multi-jurisdictions in the small towns and counties throughout East Texas, have milked a cash cow for at least the last 20 or so years playing the seizure game. This has especially been the case along U.S. Highway 59, which runs from the border in Laredo through Houston and out of the state in northeast Texas. Other local police also have drug interdiction programs on various highways in Texas which have busted literally tons of drugs. But you can almost bet if they find a big chunk o’ cash in your car that they are searching, it will be seized.

One retired police chief from an East Texas city once characterized for me such law enforcement activities as “highway robbery.” But none of these money-lifting exercises exhibited the absolute horror of practices of those perpetrated along U.S. 59 some 25-to-30 years ago by deputies in San Jacinto County, just north of Houston.

The deputies under corrput Sheriff James “Humpy” Parker would target cars bearing Houston rock station KLOL-FM bumper stickers as likely (damned) “hippie” targets to stop and search for drugs. In some cases, if no drugs were found deputies would “magically” make some appear. Parker also — and recall this was circa 1983 — employed techniques including what is now known as “waterboarding” to get suspects to confess crimes even though they had committed none. Parker died in 1999 after serving 10 years in prison. His son, who was a deputy during Humpy’s reign of terror, was indicted on charges of kidnapping two women from a home with a butcher knife. Gary Parker, who was also sentenced to prison for violating prisoners’ civil rights while a deputy for his father, was later convicted of attempting to obtain drugs without a prescription.

A little karma upon the disgraced deputy’s head? May-be. But if you have to travel to Nacogdoches perhaps you should consider taking State Highway 21.

All of the Beltway elite who suffer from pundicitis are playing hot and heavy with speculation of who will fill David Souter’s New English shoes as a Supreme Court justice.

Just who the president will pick will be of momentous importance so that the highest court in the land can get down to their lofty business of deciding what to do about Janet Jackson’s wardrobe malfunction.

Some pundits say that perhaps it is high time for the president to seat someone on the court who is not a judge: Michigan Gov. Jennifer Granholm for example. Although most, if not all, Supreme Court justices have been lawyers the Constitution does not set any rigid set of qualifications for the job. So Obama can go a lot of different ways with his first, and likely not his last, pick on the court.

If Obama really wants to think waaaaaay outside the box he could pick someone who is not a lawyer. Say Donald Trump, for instance. He could just tell people that they were fired. Or keeping with the TV theme, there are any number of TV judges to choose from: Judge Judy, Judge Joe Brown, Judge Marilyn Milian or Judge Mathis. Personally, if he was going for a TV judge, my preference would be Harry Stone of “Night Court,” played by Harry Anderson. He could pull a rabbit out of his hat. Of course, Antonin Scalia might try to kill it and eat it. (The rabbit, not Harry).

Since Obama likes to play basketball so much, he might think of getting a retired pro ball player like Magic Johnson or Larry Bird who could shoot some hoops after court and White Housin’ were done for the day.

Of course, the pundits all speculate that the president will pick someone within in an ethnic and/or cultural niche. Many think he’ll pick a Hispanic woman or a black woman. But what if he picked a cross-gender Asian woman who used to be a man? Or he could pick a gay half-Pakistani, half-Latino man who holds down a night-time job as a high-wire walker?

The sky is the limit for the court of the 21st century. Obama should dare to be different. Entertain us for a change. Heaven knows people like Scalia and Thomas haven’t exactly set the world on fire.

Two days ago I broke the hand mirror I use to shave the back of my head. Perhaps one who reads this does not need an explanation as to why I shave the back of my head, but suffice it to say, I do so because I shave my head completely. This I do once or maybe twice a week. Whenever it needs shaving is a good rule of thumb unlike shaving my face which just doesn’t feel comfortable for more than a day without a shave unless I am growing a beard. And, I haven’t grown a full beard in quite some time and grew a partial one, a Van Dyke I suppose one might call it, a few years back. Hair today, gone tomorrow. A little PUN-ishment for all of you who have been bad this week.

All of the above is way beyond what I intended to say about my personal hair style, or lack thereof. Nonetheless, I searched high and wide through Kroger this afternoon to find a hand mirror. One would think a hand mirror could be found at a supermarket near, say, the hair products or perhaps makeup or some such? No it couldn’t be found, at least not in my local Kroger.

A bit later I went, for the first time, to the “Dollar Or More” store which was located in what was a Dollar General (if memory serves me)and was maybe a Walgreens years before that. It’s kind of a home-grown dollar store, home-grown I suppose if home is Islamabad. Nonetheless, It had a lot of stuff, which is a good prerequisite for a dollar store. One thing this store did have was a hand mirror for $2.99. The mirror came as a set along with a large and small comb. Now I really didn’t need the comb, the large one at least. I might could use the small one on my mustache although it’s a little big to comb my ‘stache. I figured though that there was no way they’d just let me buy the mirror without also paying for the combs. In another time and place, I might have asked just to be a horse’s ass, but I just wanted to get my hand mirror and head toward vegetation.

There was only one mirror-set and it was a pinkish color, but I bought it anyhow. And why not? I know some guys will give other guys a hard time if they have something pink, it being a girly color and all. But I figure if someone was to do that to me, a 53-year-old bald man, then I reckon that guy might just be a little insecure with their gender identity. On the other hand, if a woman was to do that, I would figure it probably had something to do with their gender identity.

The bottom line is I don’t care if it’s pink, black, blue or the color of a baboon’s ass. The fact remains if I wish to continue to properly shave my own head I need some kind of hand mirror to hold up to my head in a bathroom or other larger mirror. That way I can ensure I properly shaved the back of my head and/or whether I nicked myself and need to break out the styptic pencil. Ouch.

Such is the price one must pay to make sure their head resembles a pool cue. Actually, the more I look at it now the mirror seems to be more mauve than pink. Oh well, I’ve already written what I’ve written, so take it or leave it. You’re still not getting your money back. Why? Because you didn’t pay me, jerk!