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Pentagon is made fun of and likes it. Then bombs satirists.

This might come as a shock to you, but the endless battles fought by the United States military is taking such a toll on its soldiers that its officer corps no longer seeks inspiring its minions.

 “You’ll notice my wife and daughters aren’t here sitting in the audience today,” said Capt. Vince Miller, speaking to his Army company in a change of command ceremony. “That’s because Sheila left me six months ago when I had to skip our 10th anniversary trip to Jamaica so I could come in on a Sunday for unit PT, since one of you dipshits decided to go out and get his third DUI.”

Even suicide, a scourge some see as near epidemic proportions in today’s Army, received no euphemisms from the outgoing company commander.

  “Do any of you morons have any clue how much paperwork it causes when you blow your sad little heads off? At least have the courtesy to go AWOL first,” Captain Miller said. “But for fuck’s sake don’t come back for at least 30 days so I can drop you off my books and let someone else deal with the meatsack of failure that is your existence.”

Such frankness sent shock-waves through today’s Pentagon. That is, until the higher-ups figured out that “articles” such as this one, titled “Outgoing Company Commander: “I Hate You,” is satire. Yes, say hello to “Duffel Blog.”

Once the Pentagon discovered the blog was satire, the uptight dime-a-dozen lieutenant colonels let loose guffaws in probably one of the most nervy spots on Earth. The website which skewers the military and its civilian leadership with headlines such as Obama On Military Cuts: If You Like Your Job, You Can Keep It,” has found its fans even in the Pentagon leadership.

 “Duffel Blog is a beautifully crafted response to an increasingly stuffy environment in today’s America,” retired Gen. James Mattis, a former head of U.S. Central Command who has been parodied in several items,” The Washington Post reported.

Like its civilian-counterpart The Onion, the Duffel Blog has had its articles mistaken for the truth. This, in turn, sometimes confuses those who cannot tell truth from lie. For instance, a blog called Mr. Conservative, rang the wing-nut alarm bells upon discovering headlines from a recent Duffel Blog exclaiming: “Obama Admin. Hands Out Pamphlet: “What To Do When The Veteran In Your Classroom Attempts A Mass Shooting.” That someone could confuse this with the truth makes one worry for their fellow mankind.

Perhaps those unfamiliar with the military culture and structure will not “get” this military satire. But fortunately enough for me, that is not my problem.

 

 

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A rude awakening

A good antidote to spending an evening at work is a nap. Or maybe it isn’t I don’t know and I won’t know, at least in the short term. That is because a phone call on my iPhone awakened me just awhile ago with an apparently excited and definitely fast-talking man saying Ted Cruz needs money to fight Obamacare. Yeah, Ted. I got my checkbook on my desk … There it will stay, unopened, at least for anyone or anything associated with Ted Cruz. That is, unless the call wants a donation to defeat Ted Cruz, or run Ted Cruz out of Texas and back to Canada, or at least as far as Ok-la-homa.

To make matters worse this robocall was made on a supposed “Do Not Call” registry phone. It seems a lot of people don’t know that or choose to ignore it. I have received more and more unsolicited phone calls as of late. This started when I was furloughed from my job. That, of course, is the absolute best time to call someone to ask for money.

The call on Cruz’s behalf came from the Restore America’s Voice PAC. The link is to OpenSecrets.org. It has information that has been filed, so far, for the 2014 election cycle to the Federal Election Commission (FEC). Some 362 individual contributions over $200 received by the PAC, whose treasurer is located in Stafford, Texas. Stafford is located in Harris and Fort Bend counties, in other words, a Houston suburb. Those of you familiar with the area may take that fact for what it is worth.

I have filed a complaint with the Do Not Call registry and am pondering a complaint with the FEC, for all the good it will do me. I can easily look up the phone numbers of those 362 donors, though not listed in the OpenSecrets.org information. I am pretty good at finding phone numbers. I have even improved my methods since leaving my job as a full-time reporter. So maybe I should find some of those numbers and call them during times they might be setting down for the evening meal or perhaps when they are asleep and say:

“This is the Committee to Run Ted Cruz Out of Texas and All The Way Back to Canada At Least As Far as Oklahoma Ted Cruz is a weaselly-little ambulance chaser or corporate attorney not that there is anything wrong with that and needs to go back to the country where he was born because we need a real American for president and U.S. Senator from Texas and not someone from Alberta that’s in Canada So send me all your money NOW NOW NOW!!! Paid for by the Committee to Run Ted Cruz Out of Texas and All The Way Back to Canada At Least As Far as Oklahoma.”

Except I can’t talk that damned fast. Maybe I will just ignore it.

 

 

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The government goes back to work. Or not.

Well, it’s nearly over.

I speak of the government shutdown that this part-time government employee has struggled through and will continue to do so until my finances and my expenses match each other. The Senate passed the law to re-open government, pay the employees back pay and extend the debt ceiling. The funding for keeping the government open and the debt ceiling extension are, of course,  temporary. These will be revisited at the first of next year.

The House still has to pass the bill and it requires the President’s signature. Something could put a monkey wrench into it all but hopefully it will happen soon. My question is when?

When these measures take place, the government should open the next day. Since the House won’t look at the bill until tonight it is unknown whether the “can” will be officially kicked once again. It matters because if it happens before midnight we go to work tomorrow, at least I do. If it happens after midnight, then one would think this means the government would re-open on Friday. With the congressional propensity for stepping up to the plate at the last minute, the House may wait until 11:59 p.m. Our elected officials don’t give a rat’s ass for their employees. I’ve known this now you know for sure.

While emphasizing my part-time status that doesn’t mean it is an insignificant part of my life. I live off my part-time salary. It would be a pretty fair salary, $40,000-something a year, if I worked 40 hours a week. But I don’t. The most I can work is 32 hours per week. So you do the math, minus the deducts. Often the job seems like it is more full-time than part-time. Add my voluntary union duties and I stay fairly busy. I need to do more freelancing but my part-time job plus a few health problems all conspire to limiting the time I have to write (for money.)

So there you have it. If we go back to work, then yaaaaa. But I am still struggling to survive and will remain that way for some time. But, I am ready to go back to work, so bring it on Congress and President Obama! We may now plan for the next shutdown showdown in February.

 

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The lockouts, they’ve been many. Those I remember, few.

Going through the government lockout now going on 15 days — as a part-time employee — it sort of amazes me that I recall very few of the past 17 times a shutdown has happened. I suppose I shouldn’t be totally surprised.

Even though I have long been a student of politics I didn’t always give newspapers a thorough study in younger days.

The first of the 17 happened, literally, on my watch. A detail of each shutdown is profiled in this “Wonkblog” piece in The Washington Post. During the 10 days in late September and early October of 1975 in which the government ceased operation I was a young Navy sailor and Gerald R. Ford was in the White House. The cause was a budget showdown in Congress over funding the then-Department of Labor, Health, Education and Welfare. Thank heavens they eventually took Labor out of that bunch. I suppose that even as callous that the American public was during those days about the military — the Vietnam War aftermath — Congress must have seen fit to keep the military up and running. At least, that’s how I remember it.

I was at sea, mostly poking around New Zealand and Australia, when a series of shutdowns took place in the fall of 1977. I don’t remember those. Can you blame me? Also, unlike these days of email, we received very little news from the U.S. during the time I was overseas for those seven  months.

Maybe I recall a bit of the funding gap during the next year since it was over funding for an aircraft carrier. But I don’t remember what fully transpired.

For those Reagan years during which some five or six shutdowns happened I was going to college and living la vida grande. I read newspapers and watched TV news somewhat during those years and was a journalism student. But my life in the Navy had kind of soured me on following the antics of government. So I probably knew what was happening, but I just sort of let much of life go in one ear and out the other.

A couple of one-day shutdowns happened in the late 1980s. I don’t remember much about the one over abortion. But I do vaguely remember the kerfuffle over Contra funding for Nicaragua. I was interested in the whole Contra scandal involving Poppy Bush, Oliver North and others. I thought we, our nation, was headed headlong for a war in Central America. I didn’t want to see another Vietnam for a number of reasons.

Finally, the two Clinton-Gingrich era shutdowns were memorable. I was a reporter by then and i likewise highly amazed how the Republicans had a blinding hate for President “Bubba” Clinton and the First Momma. Maybe the rage that was heaped upon the Clintons subsided a bit in more recent years. There was a logical reason over this. First, another Republican Bush was in office during eight years that time. The wars that George “Dubya” Bush began also captured our attention. And, of course, the first black “Kenyan Muslim” was elected president. I am joking about the Kenyan Muslim, in case you for some reason didn’t figure it out.  I never though the Republicans and ultra-right could “out-hate” Bill Clinton. But with, President Obama whew!

So here I am, working part-time for the government. Involved a bit in a public employee’s union. And I have been furloughed 15 days and got a check for the first time today. A partial paycheck with a grand total of $430. I’ve got rent covered for a little longer. But it’s time to re-evaluate the other bills. Oh and my TV is on, watching the drivel on TV that passes as governing.

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This is no fun vacation. Of course, it isn’t really a vacation.

It has been a week since the government shutdown and many of us who work for the feds have been furloughed. Time off is good and I planned on taking annual leave next week, but it looks like that won’t be happening. I may be wrong, and I hope that I am, but I don’t see the federal government totally opening shop until at least Oct. 17. That is, of course, when the debt ceiling must be raised or the nation will default on its debts. At least, that is the best I can make out of it.

I have always enjoyed time off from work until lately. I can’t remember the last time I took off just to go somewhere and enjoy myself. It was maybe one or two years ago.

If I had the money, I would go somewhere for a week or a few days. Maybe I would visit a friend in El Paso, or another in Mississippi. But I have very little money and that little money I have I am trying to determine what I will have to use it for.

Never in my life have I seen a group of people – and I am speaking to Congress and my President – who seem to have a total disregard for the employees whose welfare they are charged to oversee. I still support the President, but I truly hope he gets something done and soon. I am headed toward a place I never wanted to be again, that is homeless. Wouldn’t that be a nice “visual” for Congress or President Obama?

I have a “Donation” button on my blog page that goes to my PayPal account. Please feel free to use it. Your help for this furloughed government employee is much appreciated.

Note: I work part-time for a government agency. In the last couple of years health problems have forced me to rely more on that part-time job than on my dream of freelancing. I ask those whom I know who read this to please give me a hand so both that I and this blog can continue. — Thanks, Dick