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Go out to the parking and get in your car and drive real far … it all makes sense

In my research of commercial spots for the upcoming Super Bowl XLIX — which of this weekend will be Seattle Seahawks facing the New England Patriots — did I find no mention of the hilarious Acura RDX commercial. I won’t give much away except it features an attractive woman who goes on speaker phone in her car without knowing, or apparently caring, that her bosses are listening. The woman is rocking out and singing along to, especially the rap portion, of the 1980 Blondie hit “Rapture.”

The sing-a-long may not be one of the $4.5 million spots seen on the Super football game but surely it will make it at least once in the hours-long hype leading up to the 4:30 p.m. Mountain Time game on Sunday, Feb. 1.

Of course, we all know the Super Bowl is all about the TV commercials. Well, mostly. I am not a big fan of the Seahawks although a local boy, Earl Thomas, the ‘Hawks Pro Bowl defensive back, from nearby Orange, Texas, is about the biggest thing in Southeast Texas right now since the Valero Refinery. Fellow Seattle DB and Pro Bowler Richard Sherman and Thomas were both injured in their come-from-behind win against Green Bay yesterday for the NFC Championship. Sherman sprained an elbow yesterday though continued playing despite that even I could see him wincing on TV and not using that left hand. Thomas had a dislocated shoulder. Both are expected to play in the world championship in two weeks.

Thomas is, understandably a hometown hero, he apparently spends a lot of time back home in Orange during the off season, doing good works for the community. So, if even half of what I hear about Thomas is true, it certainly speaks well of the young man. Sherman, obviously loves his mother and Campbell Soup. That, and being one of the best cornerbacks in the game, doesn’t prevent his generally being regarded as one who regularly engages in dirty play.

I didn’t intend to spend so much time writing about the upcoming Super Bowl. I just found the Acura ad amusing and liked that it used what is probably the only “rap” song I like even though it isn’t totally rap. I just have not liked rap or hip hop all that much. I suppose the major difference between “Rapture” and the rest of rap is Blondie vocalist Debbie Harry’s sexy voice — now 30-something years later —  as well as the rock and funk that underlies the tune. A couple of hip-hop pioneers, Fab Five Freddy and Grandmaster Flash, are also name-dropped in the song.

All I’m saying is that it’s a cool song though saddled as both rap and disco tunes. “Rapture” is pretty fly, my man. I gotta figure, that’s a good thing.

 

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Stupid is as stupid does. Right Rep. Weber?

Someone said: “The definition of insanity is doing something over and over expecting the same results.” Or something to that effect. It’s been mostly attributed to Albert Einstein but a largely useless argument as to who originally said it has made the rounds on the internet for years. I say it the argument is useless because the statement is wrong. One who does the same thing over and over expecting the same results is not insane. The person is stupid. Or at least acts as much.

Take for instance my representative in Congress, Randy Weber. Weber, a Republican from Friendswood, Texas, has become emboldened upon election to his second term in the House. I say he is my representative. He is not. Weber was elected to represent the 14th Congressional District of Texas but instead he represents the Tea Party nut wing — as opposed to the regular Tea Party — portion of that district. And I am not a party to that party although I’ve been known to party.

Weber became known as of late for opposing the election of House Speaker John Boehner. Instead, he supported the candidacy of his neighbor to the north, the uber nut job Rep. Louie Gohmert, R, Tyler, Texas. Gohmert lost as expected and not unexpectedly was cast out of the circle of Boehner’s GOP supporters. Don’t mess with the man when you are just a little boy.

Maybe Weber was feeling a bit chastised as well when he committed his most recent political faux pas. He sent this Tweet:

 “Even Adolph Hitler thought it more important than Obama to get to Paris. (For all the wrong reasons.) Obama couldn’t do it for right reasons.”

Weber was speaking on the decision made by the president not to go himself, or to not send a high-ranking delegate, to the Paris rally showing support for France in the wake of recent terror attacks. White House spokesman Josh Earnest said Monday that Obama did regret not sending some higher-ranking official to the demonstration.

While an apology is considered noble in society — as per Mr. Obama — it can also amplify the stupidity of what one did. Thus, Mr. Weber and his apology:

 “It was not my intention to trivialize the Holocaust nor to compare the President to Adolf Hitler,” Weber said in a press release dated today. “The mention of Hitler was meant to represent the face of evil that still exists in the world today. I now realize that the use of Hitler invokes pain and emotional trauma for those affected by the atrocities of the Holocaust and victims of anti-Semitism and hate.

 “The terrorist attacks in Paris should remind us of the evil that still exists. Hitler was the face of evil, perpetrating genocide against six million Jews and millions of other victims. Today, we are facing the evil of Islamic extremists who are attempting to instill fear and murdering the lives of innocent people from Paris to Nigeria to Jerusalem and all over the world. The President’s actions or lack thereof is my point of contention. Islamic extremists have shown they are not going away, and instead are hungry for more blood.”

I hope Weber’s PR flack gets a raise.

Weber showed himself mainly to be a piece of furniture in his first term, just as any self-respecting frosh representative would do. He is certainly getting off to a hell of a start to his second term, and not in a good way. The last thing I would want in a congressman would be that person out-Gohmerting Louie Gohmert. East Texas already takes its hits for having no short supply of racist goobers. Even though the majority of people from my birthplace of Jasper are mostly good folks there is clearly a perception problem that exists from the olden days of slavery to the end of the 20th century when James Byrd was dragged down that dark road to his death.

I hope Weber will just keep his mouth shut and serve out his term, or quit, which might be even better, life being like a box of, well, you know. Maybe I will get a bumper sticker made for my pickup truck to show my fervent hope:

“NO MORE GOHMERTS.”

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Thinking of clothing fit for males, chickens and dogs

The near constant drizzle that we have had for the last week, or so, it seems, has ended. It is still colder than a well-digger’s … pocket warmers. I must always qualify that remark. I am up at the top of the northern Texas coast. The temperature is 49 F with a stiff 15-mph North wind making the windchill seem about six degrees cooler. The relative humidity is 86 percent. I’m sure that adds something to the misery.

Normally, I’m a rainy-day type of guy. But sometimes enough is enough. More so especially when it is chilly.

With six pockets full of even more qualifications I fully realize I have friends across the U.S. where it is even colder. It is 33 F with a 40 percent chance of snow tonight for my friend Sally in western Massachusetts. It’s in the 20s and 30s all week with a chance of snow toward the end of the week in Anchorage, Alaska, residence of my friend Elizabeth. Still, while friends from the cold places in the states like to kid us about what we believe to be “cold” weather here in Texas, most would prefer their own cold hometowns to ours.

One plus about down South juking is you don’t have to buy a lot of different clothes. I say you don’t have to. That doesn’t mean you won’t. I find myself shopping in clothing stores for fairly inexpensive coats though I don’t know if such a creature exists during the winter months. I have a windbreaker that is acceptable for about 60 percent of cold weather. For about 20 percent I have a coat I bought back in 2005 while I was out on a reporting assignment and a big chill quickly arrived. It is a very warm coat, nothing fancy. It has a hood. When I used to walk every day no matter what, I would wear the coat and a warmup suit underneath on very cold mornings. I wore a knit cap covering my head and my ears and my hood was tied close. I used to laugh because I reminded myself of Kenny McCormick, the often-killed, insensible sounding kid from the adult cartoon “South Park.” As for the remaining cool weather wear I have a brown tan Gary Player front zip jacket. It goes with about 3/4 of my “bidness casual wear.”

But just as women seem never to have enough shoes so do I never seem to have enough clothes and especially jackets. That is ridiculous of course, I see no reason to spend tons of money on something I may only wear once or twice a year. This is not a “layers” kind of place where I live. Most of my shirts are short sleeve Polo-style shirts.

Until I began my present “part-time (32-hour/week) job” almost eight years ago, most of my pants were shorts.

I have always thought that if I won millions in the lottery that I would buy bunches of clothes. I feel it would be practical because I would definitely go on a successful diet and need to buy different sizes until I got to the “just right” size. Plus, I would travel here and there and would need different kinds of wear because of varied climates.

In reality, I need to buy a couple of pair of pants for bidness wear soon because my keys have taken a toll on the sloppy sewing from the pockets to the outside seam I always seem to encounter. Either that, or it will be me sewing them by hand.

So I am and have long been a fairly functional, low-maintenance creature, as far as clothes are concerned. Emotionally low-maintenance is another matter, or so I have been told. Oh well. Most of the time “there is no one in here except us chickens,” as the old saying goes. If I really had chickens, again, I might buy them some diapers or some Depends. Why? Why not? This is the same man who once gave his half-Doberman half-Great Dane a dickie to wear.

In other words, it don’t (sic) mean nothing.

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Speaker hopeful: Where I explain the meaning of “dope”

Let us examine some word meanings. When someone says “crack” they may mean a split on the surface of something that has not broken into separate parts. Or they could mean a smokable form of an organic or synthetic cocaine. Lumped into a larger category, one might refer to the latter by the more archaic “dope.”

Another similar substance comes to mind: marijuana. A long-used slang for the smokable or edible plant is “pot.” But a pot just as well may mean a container which may be used for cooking food. Referenced as a drug, again an older slang term that is used might well be pot.

Louie, Louie, Louie, Lou--ee ... Anchors aweigh babies!
Louie, Louie, Louie, Lou–ee … Anchors aweigh babies!

So we put the words together. Unfortunately for some, we are not here to talk about sometimes illicit drugs. We will use the word “crackpot” as well as “dope” though. Without further ado, the crackpot and dope to which I refer has announced his candidacy for Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives. His name is Rep. Louie Gohmert, R, 1st Congressional District, Texas.

One grievance the congressman, whom some may politely refer to as, colorful, has expressed in terms of current leadership is the continuing resolution — Gohmert refers to it as CRomnibus — that has kept government running.

“After the November elections gave Republicans control of the Senate, voters made clear they wanted change,'” said Gohmert, in a press release. “There have been numerous examples of problematic Republican leadership, but we were hopeful our leaders got the voters’ message. However, after our Speaker forced through the CRomnibus by passing it with Democratic votes and without time to read it, it seemed clear that we needed new leadership. There had been much discussion. But, until yesterday, no one had stepped up.”

Republican Rep. Ted Yoho of Florida apparently has also challenged incumbent Speaker John Boehner.

Speaker Boehner is a colorful man in his own right, mostly the color orange, as in a tanning booth hue. I know nothing of Yoho, but I cannot imagine how anyone in Congress who could fill the shoes of a genuine crackpot and dope that is Louie Gohmert.

All one has to say to really get classic Gohmert is “Anchor Babies.” The term refers to a concept that only the most paranoid crackpot dope could envision. The former three-term district judge in Tyler, Texas, gained fame for ruling that an HIV-positive man before Gohmert on auto theft charges must, as a condition of probation, provide future sexual partners a court-provided form that notified them of the defendant’s HIV status. But wait! That doesn’t even get to the anchor baby fantasy.

Gohmert went on national TV, even debating Anderson Cooper, that children were being born and smuggled illegally into Texas so that they may grow up to become terrorists who would kill Americans. Such a stupid notion resulted in an art gallery director at my college alma mater — unfortunately in Gohmert’s district — getting fired for expressing notions similar to mine. This breach of Amendment 1 left the university mired in a lengthy lawsuit. The suit brought by Christian Cutler, the university employee, was settled last month after the Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals affirmed a lower court ruling against Stephen F. Austin State University in Nacogdoches, Texas. The motion had sought a summary judgment in the case.

I lived for a number of years in the district Gohmert represents. “Good Time Charlie” Wilson, the late Democratic legend of  “Charlie Wilson’s War” fame was my congressman for most of that time. Charlie, as his campaign slogan correctly bragged, took “care of the home folks.” He was eventually gerrymandered out because, according to Wilson: “The people in Nacogdoches hated my ass.” Eventually the district became heavily blue and sent the biggest crackpot dope in Congress to Washington in 2005, where he has stayed. Fortunately for the U.S. people, but not my much, Boehner will likely remain Speaker.

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2015 and I still don’t like how some people park their cars

On New Year’s Eve I spent the night visiting two great friends I had not seen in quite some time. Although I was driving the same Tacoma pickup I drove when I last saw them, when I allowed their two young boys to play in the back of my truck, the boys are now college age and attending The Citadel in Charleston, S.C.

SubstandardFullSizeRender-1My friends, their kids, their kids’ friends, some neighbors, and I all enjoyed celebrating in the far northwest suburbs of Houston. The neighborhood association there had erected signs saying the use of fireworks were prohibited but the party who were attending this party chose to ignore the signs, as so it seemed, did most of that area of northwest Houston. I have been in cities where gunfire was just as prevalent for celebrating as fireworks and still did not hear the booming and banging that was heard ushering in 2015.

So there it was on the first early morning of 2015 that I found myself with several of the many things I like in life: good friends, amiable people, adult beverages and fireworks. I suppose I could throw in my Tacoma since I’ve had it since 1997 but it is in part still remaining because I can’t afford a new auto.

It didn’t take me very long in this new year to find some of those parts of life of which I dislike. On this the second day of the new year I took a picture of one of those disliked portions of my world: Call it what you want. You could call it a photo of someone who had parked their car askew, thus presenting an opportunity in which another motorist might have found themselves without a parking space under certain circumstances.

The male of the couple of friends I visited once proclaimed that he liked backing his SUV into a spot because “it looked cool.” He was only semi-joshing. And I have nothing against backing a vehicle into a parking spot. However, I once backed massive fire trucks into a bay that had little space to spare and I guess that I never got over that.

I don’t mind someone backing their automobile into a parking spot. That is considering that they back that vehicle in for one vehicle. I don’t care if someone parks their car straight into a spot or if they park with the car or truck resting on its rooftop. Just, by God, park it for one car or truck!

I wish all my friends and others deserving of my good feeling a happy 2015. As for those miscreant sons of bitches who park askew I only wish for them an infestation by fleas from a thousand camel’s asses. No specific reason for the infestation originating from a camel or it’s arse. Fleas from a jackass’ ears might do just as well. Just don’t take up two parking spaces for your one automobile and we should have a happy start, at least, to 2015.