Speaker hopeful: Where I explain the meaning of “dope”

Let us examine some word meanings. When someone says “crack” they may mean a split on the surface of something that has not broken into separate parts. Or they could mean a smokable form of an organic or synthetic cocaine. Lumped into a larger category, one might refer to the latter by the more archaic “dope.”

Another similar substance comes to mind: marijuana. A long-used slang for the smokable or edible plant is “pot.” But a pot just as well may mean a container which may be used for cooking food. Referenced as a drug, again an older slang term that is used might well be pot.

Louie, Louie, Louie, Lou--ee ... Anchors aweigh babies!
Louie, Louie, Louie, Lou–ee … Anchors aweigh babies!

So we put the words together. Unfortunately for some, we are not here to talk about sometimes illicit drugs. We will use the word “crackpot” as well as “dope” though. Without further ado, the crackpot and dope to which I refer has announced his candidacy for Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives. His name is Rep. Louie Gohmert, R, 1st Congressional District, Texas.

One grievance the congressman, whom some may politely refer to as, colorful, has expressed in terms of current leadership is the continuing resolution — Gohmert refers to it as CRomnibus — that has kept government running.

“After the November elections gave Republicans control of the Senate, voters made clear they wanted change,'” said Gohmert, in a press release. “There have been numerous examples of problematic Republican leadership, but we were hopeful our leaders got the voters’ message. However, after our Speaker forced through the CRomnibus by passing it with Democratic votes and without time to read it, it seemed clear that we needed new leadership. There had been much discussion. But, until yesterday, no one had stepped up.”

Republican Rep. Ted Yoho of Florida apparently has also challenged incumbent Speaker John Boehner.

Speaker Boehner is a colorful man in his own right, mostly the color orange, as in a tanning booth hue. I know nothing of Yoho, but I cannot imagine how anyone in Congress who could fill the shoes of a genuine crackpot and dope that is Louie Gohmert.

All one has to say to really get classic Gohmert is “Anchor Babies.” The term refers to a concept that only the most paranoid crackpot dope could envision. The former three-term district judge in Tyler, Texas, gained fame for ruling that an HIV-positive man before Gohmert on auto theft charges must, as a condition of probation, provide future sexual partners a court-provided form that notified them of the defendant’s HIV status. But wait! That doesn’t even get to the anchor baby fantasy.

Gohmert went on national TV, even debating Anderson Cooper, that children were being born and smuggled illegally into Texas so that they may grow up to become terrorists who would kill Americans. Such a stupid notion resulted in an art gallery director at my college alma mater — unfortunately in Gohmert’s district — getting fired for expressing notions similar to mine. This breach of Amendment 1 left the university mired in a lengthy lawsuit. The suit brought by Christian Cutler, the university employee, was settled last month after the Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals affirmed a lower court ruling against Stephen F. Austin State University in Nacogdoches, Texas. The motion had sought a summary judgment in the case.

I lived for a number of years in the district Gohmert represents. “Good Time Charlie” Wilson, the late Democratic legend of  “Charlie Wilson’s War” fame was my congressman for most of that time. Charlie, as his campaign slogan correctly bragged, took “care of the home folks.” He was eventually gerrymandered out because, according to Wilson: “The people in Nacogdoches hated my ass.” Eventually the district became heavily blue and sent the biggest crackpot dope in Congress to Washington in 2005, where he has stayed. Fortunately for the U.S. people, but not my much, Boehner will likely remain Speaker.

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