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On the first day of Pope picking, my true love gave to me …

The world’s media is gathered in Rome waiting to see who they can prematurely name as Pope. Sorry, that was a bit cynical and mean. But as the black puff of smoke that rose today signaling no Pope had been chosen, I’m sure one or two journalists were heard to say: “Thank God. Now we can file our stories and get on with our drinking!”

Journalists sent on a story of such proportions really do have quite a task coming up with new and different stories about the man who would be Pope or finding skeletons in a College of Cardinal member’s background. That is, the best journalists do. Those who treat such an assignment as a junket are not doing themselves or their outlet a favor by just “calling it in.” Of course, if you really hate your paper or news channel and you are off doing your last story for that outlet, then I suppose all bets are off.

It looks like the A’s cardinals are kicking up the most dust there in Rome today, or at least a cardinal’s mother from Austria and a cardinal from Australia.

Austrian Cardinal Christoph Schoenborn’s 92-year-old mother said she doesn’t want her son to be chosen Pope because she fears she wouldn’t see him very often. She also told Reuters that her son “would not be up to the bitchiness” that is a product of normal Vatican intrigue.

Aussie Cardinal George Pell made a verbal faux pas by saying Pope Benedict’s abrupt resignation was “slightly destabilizing.” That apparently played to the Romans as a criticism of the now Pope Emeritus. Hey, the past Pope was German. What’s the sweat off an Italians’ noses about?

Management and continued fallout from sex abuse scandals in the Roman Catholic Church are seen to be the biggest issues a new Pope will have to deal with. That and being the world’s most renown religious figure. The cardinals from over the globe may or may not go against picking a “Vatican insider,” according to the linked L.A. Times piece. It seems like one just can never get far enough away from the politickin.’

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What to call the ex-Pope, Sequestration woes, and thanks for all the fish

Today brought a little relief for me. First, I found out that my bunch won’t be getting the old sequestration up the butt, at least no furloughs, and at least for now. That is, of course, if sequestration comes knocking Friday, as it seems to be headed that way. At any rate I can now rest until next month until the next manufactured crisis and threats from the Tea Party emerge once more to shut down the government.

And relief for all those others who have been frantically worrying … we now know what the Pope will be called once he retires. Are you ready? He will be called Ben Bernanke. No, just kidding. He will be called Benedict XVI, Pope Emeritus. I don’t know if I could sleep at night if I didn’t know what to call the pope after he sails off into the sunset in his little Ex-Pope Sailboat named the “Così lungo. E ringrazia per tutto il pesce.”  Look it up in one of the online translators and only if you are a friend of Douglas Adams.

I find humor in strange places. Under the bed. Under the table. Under water. Underground. Undercover. Really, I’ve never been undercover, in the TV police style. I participated in a surveillance once of someone, who someone else, thought that the first someone might torch his house. Stake-out! In a hotel room, no less. Maybe I will tell you about it sometime, if I haven’t already.

Seriously, although it looks as if I may have dodged the sequestration bullet, hundreds of thousands, perhaps, will likely not. The Republican Tea Party Boys and Girls in the House are patting themselves on the back for all the cut dollars. Meanwhile, the more established of the GOP House members are, as my Daddy used to say,  “Sweating like a whore in church.” These wise men know that if Sequestration takes place, and then the closure of government later on, it will cause an economic disaster. Our unemployment numbers were finally going the right way. Some folks are even seeing a healthy economy emerge. But when you have thousands go without work, for even a day, that represents money not spent. It doesn’t take an economist to figure all this stuff out.

It’s so terribly depressing. But at least we know what to call the Pope after he retires. Aren’t you glad? I know I am certainly relieved, and I am not even Catholic.

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Communist North Korea says see ya to “pent-up grudge and resentment”

Congratulations Park Geun-hye! Park, as she is called, is the new South Korean president and being a she, likewise, rules as that peninsular nation’s first woman head of state. If her name rings a bell, that is because her father, Park Chung-hee, was the namesake of the popular Korean dish consisting of half-hatched robin eggs and which became a fanatical San Francisco treat. No, I’m just bulls__ting you! Park Sr. became the third South Korean president a couple of years after he took power in a 1961 coup.

Political dynasties are nothing new to Eastern governments just as they are no novelty here in the United States. Here we have the Adams Family, I speak of John and John Quincy, not the ones who are “creepy and they’re kooky.” Plus, Americans have the Bushes, George H.W., and his sometimes idiot offspring, George W., (or Gee Dubya) The latter also took office in a coup of sorts, having won his first election after a Republican majority in the nominally non-partisan Supreme Court declared George the Younger the winner of the 2000 presidential election.

I thought it would be interesting to hear what those razor-blade sharp, wordsmiths at the Korean Central News Agency (KNS) of the DPRK had to say about the first woman ruling the nation to the South. DPRK, by the way, stands for “Commie North Korea.”

As it turns out, the North Koreans haven’t finished bashing the last president. That, or they have yet to figure out that She Park Jr. is the new ruler. Get a load of this “op-ed” piece from Rodong Sinmun, blasting the former South Korean president, Lee Myung-bak. As it turns out, Rodong Sinmum is the official organ for the DPRK communist party and is plenty bizarre in its own right. The paper takes swipes at Lee, as he was known as a hardliner toward North Korea during his often controversial term in office from 2008 until today, when Ms. Park took over. Here Rodong says what it really feels:

“The successive rulers of south Korea without exception pursued a policy of sycophancy and dependence towards outside forces, betraying the nation. But, Lee put all other traitors into the shade in servility, base nature and treachery …  “All Koreans will never pardon Lee for his flunkeyism and treachery but mete out a stern punishment to him with pent-up grudge and resentment.”

Let’s see now, what is the best way to wound a hated “traitor?” Okay, how about punishing him with pent-up grudge and resentment. No doubt such feelings are likely not in short supply in a nation such as the DPRK, where only freedom of expression is in shorter supply that food.

KNS also shows its softer side. For instance, here is a report on a national festival known as “Full Moon Day.”

  “Pyongyang, February 24 (KCNA) — Full Moon Day, which falls on February 24 this year, is one of the traditional holidays for the Koreans.

  “People in the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea enjoyed the day pleasantly, delighted with the recent successful third nuclear test.

  “Restaurants throughout the country, including Okryu and Chongryu restaurants in Pyongyang and Sinhung Restaurant in Hamhung, served varieties of special national dishes.

  “People took noodles and dishes made of nine kinds of dried edible herbs, while playing such folklore amusement games as Korean chess and yut-game with family members, relatives and neighbors.”

What a glorious day for North Koreans to celebrate! Soon, the full moon arrives:

   “As it is getting dark, citizens are seen enjoying the first full moon on Moran Hill and banks of the River Taedong in Pyongyang, Inphung Pavilion in Kanggye, Yaksandongdae in Nyongbyon and other scenic spots of the country.

  “Kim Nam Sik, a 54-year-old man who climbed Moran Hill to see the full moon, told KCNA:

  “”From olden times, the Koreans would tell their desire for the year to the first full moon, wishing that their desire would come into reality.

  “It is my desire that the DPRK, a satellite manufacturing and launching state and a full-fledged nuclear state, always remains as a powerful nation any other countries dare not provoke.””

Such a great holiday. Where else but North Korea can one celebrate the beauty of nature combined with the joy of one’s nation becoming a supposed “full-fledged nuclear state?” Yes, we wish Ms. Park Jr. all the luck in the world as she assumes the presidency. Having a nutty neighbor with a nuclear weapon, it would seem South Korea needs all the luck in the world. Perhaps even the rest of the world needs that much luck as well.

 

 

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Pope Benny set to become just plain “Joe”

Here I was, all set to write about the Pope Benedict XVI, SVU, who has decided it’s time to hang up his white zucchetto and his red shoes. It is a big deal and not just for those of the Roman Catholic faith. The Holy See is, after all, the Head of State known as Vatican City-State. Who cares if you have a Swiss Army knife. The Pope has his own Swiss Army. These are very devoted and very handy men to have around, because they probably have a Swiss Army Knife somewhere on them underneath their orange, blue, red and yellow dress uniform. Were the uniforms designed in a later age would one swear the tailor had been watching “The Wizard of Oz” perhaps synthesized to Pink Floyd’s “Dark Side of the Moon.” Maybe the Papal Guard have an Official Swiss Army Knife in an Official Swiss Army Knife holster ready at a moment’s notice to open a can of beans and a bottle of wine for His Popeness. Does the Pope eat beans? And if he does, will his flatulence register a reading on the Richter Scale? “Ach, mein Gott!”

But something of more importance than the fact that Benedict XVI will voluntarily leave the Popedom. Yes, I know that is not the correct word. It seems more normal for an 85-year-old man to retire than to be carried off to wherever it is they dispose of the Papal remnants, dying with his red shoes on, as it were.

Who shall take his place is of prime emphasis because you won’t have the Rev. Joseph Ratzinger to kick around.

Why the Vatican might even see it’s first Canadian pope. That’s right. A lot of speculation in these earliest, the first in fact, days of a looming Pope-be-Gone. A Québécois as a matter of fact, Cardinal Marc Ouelett, the Metropolitan Archbishop of Quebec. In past interviews Ouellet has played down his rising star of Popehood, making statements to the effect that being The Holy See is too much work, as he saunters down the sidewalk gently humming “Alouette.” The Wickedpedia, just another made-up name to make it in print in today’s bloguration calls “Alouette” “a popular French Canadian song” about dressing up a dark-eyed Junco in papal vestments and stalking former St. Louis Cardinal Albert Pujols who has gone to the Angels. That’s right the Angels of Anaheim who ride their noisy Harleys onto the field striking terror in the hearts of lesser men such as Fox Sports announcer Joe Buck.

It would indeedee be a real surprise to see a norteamericano Pope. In fact, “not a chance in hell,” said a local priest, who decided to get a running start on Fat Tuesday revelry. Tim Dolan, who is Archbishop of the Center of the Universe, which is otherwise known as New York City (“New York City? Get a rope”) would be a favorite except to the betting community. Online bookie Paddy Power currently has Dolan at 25-1. But, hey, it’s only the first day of what will be Pope-a-Mania, or Pope-a-Sopa or Pope Soap on a Rope. Let’s get it all out now of our systems so we will be fast with an affirmative.

Is the Pope a Canadian?

No, not yet.

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The good news is the world hasn’t ended. The bad news is the world hasn’t ended.

It’s not the end of the world, at least not yet, and President Obama has given me Monday off in addition to Tuesday. So that is, at least, some good news.

I wrote a little here on this blog until the battery on my MiFi went dead. Then I spent the next hour and a half talking to Verizon techs who will gladly send me a battery with a 90-day warranty for $10 or a new battery for $40. Well, I finally figured out I could get four batteries in a year for that one new battery. Of course, it will likely cause lost hours to get it, just as it did today.

Upon finally figuring out how to set up a wireless network with my iPhone, I am back on the old Internets. However, about half of my post  had vanished. I had written today about the irresponsibility of the GOP Congress in pushing us over the “fiscal cliff” and how the Texas lawmakers and Gov. Good Hair must be ecstatic about the NRA’s big announcement today. By golly, ol’ Wayne LaPierre LePew of the NRA wants more guns in the schools. I think back in the good ol’ days of the Cold War they called that MAD, that stands for Mutually Assured Destruction. Kill ’em all, let God sort ’em out. Oh Pierre LaPew also thinks we need to get rid of violent TV, movies and music.That’s the kind of macho folks we got running out state into the ground. As for LaPierre, that’s about the stupidest thing that I ever heard and certainly the most tactless flow of words I’ve heard from a lobbyist, what with those little kids getting buried every day this week up in Connecticut. Sir, have you no shame? I guess not.

Once again, I am not against guns. I just have a super dislike for stupidity. Meanwhile, the world is still as it is: Full of beauty and hope and a good number of stupid people in high places.