Hell, I don’t Noah, you build the ark? Well, moo to you too!

Earlier this week in Southeast Texas we had rain to the extent of an old saying I grew up with: “It rained like a cow pissing on a flat rock.”

Now what that designates exactly, I’m not sure. I would imagine a cow letting its urine rip on top of a flat rock would involve quite the spray from around the rock. I can’t honestly tell you. I lived twice for a total of some three years in a farm house surrounded by cows and a couple of old bulls. Never did I see any of them peeing on a flat rock although they certainly had no qualms about letting any of their bodily functions work tremendously. But inherent in the old saw is that if the rain is heavy enough to make some ol’ timer comparing the deluge to cows pissing then it must in the very least be unusual.

With that said, we are in for more rain. The National Weather Service is predicting that at least 60-to-70 percent of its forecast area will be splattered like the proverbial cow’s pee on Saturday night into Sunday. And at least 20-to-30 percent of the area is in for the possibility of rain through Thursday with mostly chilly temperatures. Aw come on! If it is going to “chower” at least we should have some snow? ¿No? Well, the cows probably wouldn’t like it.

Keep all your cows — not to mention your powder — dry.

Texans weathering Christmas Day with wind, snow, dust and frozen cow pies

There is an old saying down here in Texas. Some say it is a “tired” and “worn out” saying. Nonetheless it goes like this:

“If you don’t like the weather in Texas, just wait five minutes and it will change.” I don’t know who first said that or of where the person spoke. It doesn’t really matter. What no one has said, or at least to me, today, is “Just because a saying is trite doesn’t mean it isn’t true.” Well, hell!

Golden? Why not black, as in Black Gold, Texas Tea? This is where the U.S. Oil Industry was born, boy!
Golden? Why not black, as in Black Gold, Texas Tea? This is where the U.S. Oil Industry was born, boy!

 

Christmas Day 2012 in Texas sure offered up a heapin’ helpin’ of some radically differing weather. Where I live, the rain came down pretty bountifully and I could hear the thunder as well as I could see the trees a’ whipping to and fro. Apparently some parts of the “Golden Triangle” where I live got really pounded. For instance, this store in a strip shopping center in Vidor, about 8 miles east of Beaumont:

wind damage
Vidor, Texas, got a wind storm up its booty instead of lumps of coal in its Christmas stocking!

 

This is the result of so-called “straight-line winds.” That is not a tornado but it can hit with the force of a hurricane gust and do just about as much damage.

I took a trip to the Jack Brooks Federal Building in Beaumont to check my mail and stuff. Lo and behold, the building had been without power since around noon on Christmas Day.

But even with the damage from wind, there was more crazy weather in store for rest of Texas like this dust storm  causing I-27 north of Lubbock to be shut down for awhile. Next thing you know we’ll be like the Okies of old, throwing every belonging on a flatbed pickup truck and heading to Californie!

The there were those “lucky” North Texas folks around Denton and the D-FW Metroplex who were snowed upon with that magical “White Christmas Snow” which freezes everything in time and is immediately followed by none other than Bing Crosby crooning: “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, just like the one I used to know.  Come on sing-along-Bing, you knew White Christmas snows? Personally?  I’ve never experienced one of those magical White Christmas Snows but I would bet you dollars to a white-frosted doughnut that the snow is just like the rest of the snows. Sometimes it gets-a-deep, sometimes it gets-a-dusting.

I don’t know if that is the complete Texas weather picture on Christmas Day 2012. I suppose out in the middle of the Chihuahuan Desert some freezing cow pies may have rained down. Or perhaps even the proverbial cats and dogs fell down with the animals no doubt colder ‘n hell and most assuredly pissed off having to make an entrance in such an abrupt manner.

That’s Texas for you. Old Santy and his reindeer really have to keep on their toes in the Lone Star State. If the weather won’t get  you, the guns will.

Listen to those old rustlin’ pines and don’t even try to fence me in

It’s been a chilly one today, especially with that north wind gusting. Before I left for work this morning my lights went out. After I got to work I saw on the Entergy Texas Web site that about 1,000 customers in my vicinity were out of power. I guess I have to remind people who don’t know me that I live on the Upper Texas Coast. This isn’t New England or Cut Bank, Mont. The temp was about 45 when I left for work with the wind blowing for a pretty good chill.

But the cold itself isn’t the worst of this ordeal. I got the ol’ achy-breaky joint syndrome. I suffer from arthritis, all over, and it seems to pour out of every one of my joints. Some folks don’t believe that the weather affects your body. Well, actually, it does.

Maybe if I just bundled up and went out and faced down the demon it wouldn’t be so bad. I’m not a cold-weather guy, but living in the city for so long I forget just how refreshing it can be out in the countryside at night. Looking up at those endless stars while watching your breath float away for a few seconds before it finally escapes is not magic but it seems so if you clear your mind of all those worthwhile scientific notions you didn’t come out in to the woods to enjoy.

It used to seem like magic, listening to the pines rustle like you were alone with the world, even though you might’ve got your best girlfriend to come along. Just remembering those endless East Texas pine forests make me want to hum that old Cole Porter tune, later recorded and made a hit by my favorite cowboy, Roy Rogers

  “Oh give me land, give me land under starry skies above/Don’t fence me in/Let me ride through the wide open country that I love/Don’t fence me in …

  “I want to ride to the ridge where the west commences/And gaze at the moon till I lose my senses/And I can’t look at hobbles and I can’t stand fences/Don’t fence me in.”

Picture it out there: Just you, or you and your gal, or you and your gal and your horse, or you and your horse, or just your gal and your horse … Wait a minute now. Don’t fence me in.

 

 

 

 

Colder ‘n a well-digger’s a**s? Hotter ‘n dancin’ bobcat? Find out from NWS

It is no surprise to those who know me or who have read this blog for awhile that I have a fascination with weather. I think I have mentioned a million times before that I watched TV weather hoping someday to be behind those cameras delivering with a grin that “Presidio, Texas, was the hottest spot in the country today with a high of 105 degrees!” And that was on Christmas! Just kidding.

Remember times BI (Before Internet) when you had to get your temperatures from TV and a man pointing with a stick? And maybe the weather guy wasn’t even pointing at the place where you were flying to tomorrow or where it was that your loved one might have popped his or her head on a pillow this evening. Well no more of that!

There are a million places which one may get temperature, barometric pressure, wind speed, humidity, visibility, time, and your cholesterol and EKG to boot! But for basic weather, there is nothing better than the local pages of the National Weather Service. Those folks, a part of NOAA and the Department of Commerce, are worth every penny taxpayers spend on the agency. Yes, I know some want to privatize weather forecasting and information delivery. I even read some of those products. When one looks deeply into the many aspects of meteorology that the Weather Service produces for the public, the one difference found is in the delivery aspect.

Many private weather products are written in news style or online news style. Some of the NWS products found are delivered in “geek speak.” But, the NWS often has an online glossary link handy on most reports. And, as a former newspaper reporter who often felt embarrassed writing down for readers. I didn’t at all think a reader would be harmed if he or she would look the damn word or phrase or concept up in a dictionary or encyclopedia! Who was it who said “the masses are asses?” Well, that isn’t really true. But people these days often have the attention span of a duck.

One must also remember the NWS has been around a long, long time — longer than the Internet by far.

Dismounting my high horse, when I decide to check out the current weather and forecast, I go to my local NWS site. I’ve been using the site so long it is old Stetson to me.

You can start here. And don’t get distracted by all the ‘purty’ colors which might just be dangerous winter or tropical storms, depending on the time of year and your location.

Just use the pointer (or fat little fingers) to point to the area you are looking for on the U.S. map. “But I don’t know where it is.” Then go back to elementary school and study geography. In the top, upper left of the NWS page type the name of the place or the zip code, or the same for somewhere near it. In my case, I’ll type “Beaumont, Tx.” Why? Well … Okay, it is where I live. How about that one?

I have friends who live all over the U.S. and even the world. But let’s stick to the U.S. Whenever I am just wondering how the weather might be where, say, Sally lives, in Pittsfield, MA,” I just type it in and, let’s see, today, whoa hoss, it’s 26 degrees at 7:05 Eastern time. Looks like a good chance for snow and freezing rain at the end of the week. Better bundle up, Sal.

If all that isn’t good enough for you then perhaps you can rent your own weather person. Good luck with that.

 

Fall finally falls

Tomorrow is the first day of autumn. Have a happy fall. Be careful if you go deer hunting. Don’t shoot your friend or yourself. Enjoy football. Don’t get a concussion, especially if you are not playing football. And don’t accidentally shoot anyone in the football stands from your deer stand. Don’t get in a fight over football or deer hunting. Don’t get in a fight over the equinoxes. Don’t shoot the zebras, especially the referee or back judge!

Happy Birthday, once again, Sally. Hope you’ve had a wonderful day and though we are 1,438 miles apart, I’ll always love you, my friend.

Have a great weekend, all. Go Texans!