First Annual EFD Fund Drive

Operators are standing by.

It takes a lot of money to keep an operation like eight feet deep going. Well, actually it doesn’t take a lot of money. In fact, I was operating EFD for awhile out of the Beaumont Public Library. The problem was that I had limited time on the computer. Plus, the library had these maddening filters that would block a word if the writer even had dreamed the night before that the word was objectionable. I couldn’t even write the word “terror” or “kill.” How the hell am I supposed to make half-baked comments about the biggest issues of the day when they come out something like: “But we don’t want to be in some attack?” Or even, “If they just left us to our own devices we could the ists and save a s**tload of money.” Yes, I could write s**tload, or I think so at least.

So it doesn’t take a lot of money to run EFD. But it does take some dinero in order that I may live in the style to which I am accustomed. No, I don’t want to live like that. Let me rephrase. How about, so that I may live in circumstances better than I am accustomed? Whatever. I need money and I heard that if you ask people to send you money, they will do it.

I don’t know if this story is true or not, but I heard about some guy who put a classified ad in the back of a magazine once that said: “Send me one dollar.” The guy supposedly became a millionaire. Even if it’s not true, it should be. Why? Well just ask yourself: Why not? Why shouldn’t someone send you money? Would that be a bad thing? I mean, someone sending you an envelope full of anthrax has got to be at least a couple of times worse than someone sending you a $50 bill. What’s the worse that could happen if someone sent you money? You could be mugged and killed? Man, I better stop or I’m going to talk myself out of my argument!

Unlike the public television stations fund drives which the best gift they could send you would be a samurai sword to fall on while listening to them drone on and on, I am going to leave you alone after this. That is, unless I decide I want to needle you again. You will get no tote bags for giving to EFD. No swag will be sent out. There will be no autographed pictures of Paris Hilton’s dog Tinkerbell. All that I can promise you for your generous love offering is my gratitude and a kudos here on EFD if you donate. Hey, I don’t want to cut into my profits!

So give, give till it hurts, then give some more, then have your sister and brother give, and their in-laws, and the people down the street, and if you see Mark Cuban, ask him to give me some of his money. Yes, money. That’s what I want/That’s what I waaaaaaaaant yeah/That’s what I want.

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