Have a hap-hap-happy dysfunctional Christmas

The ‘corner’s gen-u-wine My Name is Earl Christmas lights.

My life is a little like Earl’s in the wickedly-funny TV show My Name Is Earl. Actually Earl and I aren’t that much alike except for living in a motel although we have our share of weird characters here as is the case in Earl’s world. One of those characters is my next door neighbor here in the ‘corner’ who, even though he claims to be a redneck, is actually a nice guy who’d give you the shirt off of his back. So that is among the reasons I had no objection when he installed the bizarre Christmas lights the other day. His brother, who also lives in the motel, said they look like a real “White Trash Christmas.” And so they do. But if one lives in a situation such as this then that person must embrace the symbolism that accompanies such a life.

It’s almost enough to make one play Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer. I say almost, but not nearly enough. It is funny that I have yet to hear that hideous song this Christmas season. The song seems to appear every Christmas much like a fruit cake from a favorite relative whose feelings you don’t want to hurt by telling them that fruit cakes really suck. However, I have no qualms about saying how much I hate that song. I can’t believe that it’s only been around less than 30 years, it seems like it has existed longer than time itself.

But if one likes their Christmas music to include, like their families and friends, a little dysfunction then they should find one of Robert Earl Keen’s albums which contain Merry Christmas From the Family.

Keen, the Texas troubadour and college buddy of Lyle Lovett’s at Texas A & M, touches most of the bases for a made-for-TV-disaster family Christmas gathering in his song, starting off of course with Mom and Dad getting drunk at the Christmas party.

You then have your familial ethnic tension:

“Little sister brought her new boyfriend
He was a Mexican
We didn’t know what to think of him until he sang
Felis Navidad, Felis Navidad.”

Next is the divorce-melded family:

“Brother Ken brought his kids with him
The three from his first wife Lynn
And the two identical twins from his second wife Mary Nell
Of course he brought his new wife Kay
Who talks all about AA.”

The merriment continues but faces danger should the booze and sanitary napkins run out:

“Carve the turkey turn the ball game on
Make Bloody Mary’s
Cause We All Want One!
Send somebody to the Stop ‘N Go
We need some celery and a can of fake snow
A bag of lemons and some Diet Sprites
A box of tampons, some Salem Lights
Haleluja, everybody say cheese
Merry Christmas from the Family.”

As for my own merry little Christmas I will be headed for the Dallas area tomorrow and return on Christmas Day. And to keep the theme of a White Trash Christmas going I will be traveling by bus. Yee Haa! It should be fun just as long no one throws up on me. Feliz Navidad, Ya’ll.

PS If any of the above links don’t work. I’m sorry but you’ll have to figure them out yourself if you want to look/listen that badly. Who do you think I am Santa Claus?

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