I ask your daughter's hand in mooooooo-trimony

Sigh! I hate to touch this one. But I’ve just got to do it. It’s my destiny, man.

A local Kenyan official has announced his offer of 20 cows and 40 goats for Chelsea Clinton.

Godwin Chepkurgor told CNN Tuesday that he had loved the former first daughter for seven years and this handsome offer, at least for Kenya, is proof. I was in Books-A-Million yesterday when I heard Chepkurgor being interviewed.

“I offer her as much as I could,” Chepkurgor told CNN. “I know there are a lot of differences in our culture.”

I said what in God’s name is this guy talking about? And then, an offer for sweet Chelsea’s hand was the answer. Well, I mean it is a pretty good offer. I don’t know how fat the cows are but goats, they’re the kitten’s PJs. I’d probably marry someone for just one goat.

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