I'm bailing as fast as I can

Everyone and their dog seems to blame the recent hurricanes for any shortfailings (shortcomings & failings). Being the convenient excuse that it is I shall adopt my recent encounter in which I was Iked as the recent I haven’t learned everything there is to know about the current financial crisis and proposed big bailout.

Nevertheless, I have gathered enough information that I can offer the first comprehensive test on the present financial mess:

1. What is the “Big Bailout?”

a. The sequel to “The Big Easy.”
b. A mass skydive by a Weight Watchers group.
c. All of the above.
d. None of the above.

2. Complete this sentence regarding the cause of the current fiscal crisis: “Blame it …

a. On the Bossa Nova.
b. On Rio.
c. On global warming.
d. On erectile dysfunction.

3. Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson raised some eyebrows when he proposed:

a. To Laura Bush
b. To Barbara Bush I
c. To George H.W. Bush
d. Placing Prof. Irwin Corey on the 50-cent coin.

4. Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke thinks the current economic crisis may lead to:

a. Galveston.
b. Stronger drugs.
c. Weight gain.
d. New Olympic swimming records.

5. Some Republican congressional members oppose the multi-billion dollar bailout because:

a. It would greatly hamper building bridges to nowhere.
b. It would touch off looting in DuPont Circle.
c. It would send Dick Cheney on a shooting spree.
d. They think it could cause flag burning.

6. A “recession” is defined as:

a. Two weeks in a sewer.
b. Three weeks in a freezer.
c. Four days in Vegas.
d. The 21st century.

7. What is behind the fiscal problems with AIG?

a. Too many initials.
b. The world already has an aig glut.
c. More financial problems.
d. Tainted pork.

8. The current financial crisis has touched off:

a. A decline in the Roman Empire.
b. An incline in a Roman umpire.
c. An octagon turned pentagon.
d. An upper-level low pressure center.

9. GOP presidential candidate Sen. John McCain said of the pending bailout:

a. “Try not to land in a lake filled with mean little bastards in it.”
b. “It’s time to eject!”
c. “Gov. Palin, get out the buckets!”
d. “Cindy, gotta beer?”

10. Democratic presidential candidate Sen. Barack Obama has taken the position on the bailout:

a. Behind the double doors to the left.
b. It should be accomplished using Feng Shui.
c. “What me worry?”
d. “Didn’t happen on my watch.”

If you answered any of the above questions then you know exactly as much about the financial crisis as I do, which is absolutely zip. It’s time to bone up, bonehead!

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