From the corner of my good eye, I spotted it. It was small, white and square, at the edge of the carport stall next to me, and it seemed almost waiting for someone to pick it up.
The “it” was a folded business card belonging to local TV anchor Rusty Surette. He hosts “The Morning News” on KBTV 4, the NBC affiliate in Beaumont, Texas.
I don’t know Rusty Surette, other than seeing him on TV, so I found it rather curious that his folded business card would be on my carport floor next to where I park. When you are as poor as I am these days, your eyes seem to automatically scan the ground for any potential treasure. Several possibilities emerged as to how said card arrived:
1. Rusty Surette placed it there. That doesn’t seem likely. He doesn’t seem like the type to litter, although one can never be completely sure. I’m just saying his brilliant, white teeth and spiffy attire on the tube helps raise doubts that Rusty folded his card, threw it out the window driving down North Street, saying “Wheeeeee!” and the card landed on my carport. I do have to say that this might not be the worst way one could advertise his or her TV show, by throwing business cards in every yard, but even in a market of this size it would be a gargantuan task.
2. Someone put it there to frame Rusty Surette for littering. It’s possible although it’s about as possible as pigs sprouting wings. Why frame him for that? It’s a low-impact crime in which perpetrators are usually serious “dumpers” rather than litterers. See “Alice’s Restaurant.”
3. The card appearing on my carport was a bonafide miracle, the magnitude of which has yet to be determined by the Vatican.
4. It fell out of a car belonging to one of my former neighbors. One of the many paroled child molesters living next to me parked his car in the spot on which I found the Surette business card. This neighbor, who is now back in prison on a parole violation, told me once that he had been interviewed for TV for some special on such offenders. I never saw the special and the man always had a credibility level with me bordering on Absolute Zero. But perhaps in this instance, he was telling the truth.
I may never know the real mystery of how Rusty Surette’s business card landed on my carport and into my train of thought. Of all the possibilities, I tend to think No. 4 is the most likely. But I’m still holding on to the card just on the off chance that it proves to be a miracle. After such an occurrence I will certainly treasure this card for all of its worth, and then promptly sell it on eBay.
A word from EFD: Okay, actually more than one word actually a few, or more. I will be undergoing my first epidural steroid nerve block Monday at the Houston VA for my chronic pain due to cervical spine problems. Providing they don’t give me a heart transplant by mistake, I should be back around these parts come Tuesday or Wednesday, so don’t think I’ve gone forever.
Ahola! (that’s aloha spelled backwards)
EFD