Eight Feet Deep

New home for Texas prisoners outside of Wink, Texas

Politicians often go for the simple answers when it comes to matters such as law and order. This is as true in Texas as in the rest of the country. However, Texas has been traditionally home to a “lock-em-up and throw-away-the-key” mentality. That is until practicality gets in the way. If those jails start getting crowded and the money isn’t there to give some small town a new state prison as governmental pork, then you see all manners of rapists and murders getting set free from prisons.

Most politicos would prefer to have it both ways. For instance, Rep. Phil King, R-Weatherford, has pre-filed a bill that would allow the state to look tough on crime AND provide alternative inmate housing. And all of it would be accomplished by merely scratching from existing law about two dozen letters.

King wants a change in law which would allow prisoners to be housed in tents indefinitely rather than merely on a temporary basis. Local county sheriffs and commissioners would not have to ask permission of the State Commission on Jail Standards to house prisoners in tents or other facilities which are not jails. No, King took his pen and scratched that out. And he also scratched out “TEMPORARY” on the section’s caption. That’s right, do the time and you may find yourself in a God-forsaken ice storm on some lonely farm in the Panhandle or perhaps fending off alligators and hummingbird-sized mosquitoes out in the coastal marshes.

So what is so wrong with housing inmates in tents anyway? I mean, isn’t it fun to go camping? Yes, camping can be a lot of fun. But there is a difference between being forced to camp and putting up a tent for a weekend or vacation getaway. But just think what it would do for your local sheriff. Keeping inmates in tents would be just one more way politicians could show that they mean bidness. “We all are tough on crime down in these here parts, ya heah?”

My concerns are not so much aimed at the comfort and welfare of the prisoners as it is for the safety of the communities near the prison camps. Housing inmates in tents may be tough. But how secure is it going to be? You hear about jailbreaks and escapes from prisons almost every day. Do you remember how easy it was to sneak out of the tent at church camp and paddle across the lake to the girls’ camp? Well, just remember that these campers in tents would be professional criminals, many of whom made a living sneaking in and out of places before getting caught.

If you want to give Phil King a rousing applause for his tough-on-crime solution to jail overcrowding, then by all means please do so. Just don’t come bitching to me when your neighborhood is locked after some inmate flys the coop, er, the tent. Deal?

President Bush names
Potato Head as
Middle East envoy

Here are some of the stories making headlines today:

Silly IED finders

Silly String is being by U.S. troops in Iraq to detect trip wires on booby traps, according to the The New York Times.

“Before entering a building, troops squirt the plastic goo, which can shoot strands about 10 to 12 feet, across the room. If it falls to the ground, no trip wires. If it hangs in the air, they know they have a problem. The wires are otherwise nearly invisible.”

Pentagon officials said Silly String can also be used for a restraining device in the manner that flexible handcuffs are used. However, the captor has to remind the captive not to move his or her hands while cuffed or else, well, they will become an escapee.

Other side benefits for soldiers using Silly String, according to the product’s description:

“–Bring in the Silly String spray streamer and bring out the fun for parties, games and celebrations of all kinds
–To max your enjoyment, arm yourself with lots of Silly String spray streamer and always follow the directions”

Troops are reminded to arm themselves with automatic weapons and hand grenades as well when deploying the Silly String detection system.

Funky-looking tuber to be named envoy

Sources inside the White House have indicated that President Bush will follow through on one of the Iraq Study Group’s recommendations which is to begin talks with Iran and Syria. Long-time dapper diplomat Mr. Potato Head is said to be named as an envoy who will talk with the leaders of those countries about the future in Iraq.

Those sources also indicated that a major blunder was averted when the name of Mr. Bush’s first choice for envoy, Miss Piggy, was withdrawn for consideration by White House staffers.

Perry says don’t fence me in

Texas Gov. Rick Perry has apparently softened his approach to border security. The governor, known by most Texans as Gov. Goodhair, said this week that building a fence along the Mexican-U.S. is a preposterous idea.

“How am I supposed to go to Mexico when a fence has been raised?” asked Perry, a one time cheerleader at Texas A & M University.

During his campaign for re-election, Perry emphasized his leadership on strengthening border security. He ordered surveillance cameras be placed along the border to detect illegal crossings. A recent report on the system’s test run indicates that no illegal immigrants were seen on the cameras. However, an influx of jackrabbits crossing the Rio Grande into Texas were spotted. This led to the jumpy creatures’ capture by agents of the Texas Department of Agriculture. The Ag agents transported the jackrabbits across the bridge from Texas into Nuevo Laredo where they were released. Mexican media indicated that the mass released triggered hysteria among shop owners and tourists.

“I thought I had drunk too much tequila,” said Sam Benderson, a tourist from Salinas, Kan., who was visiting a local cantina. “All of a sudden, these big rabbits came out of nowhere, running under tables and jumping up on people’s legs. It was scary I tell you.”

Start your day the Methadone way. Better living through chemistry.

Yet another weapon has been deployed in the war on EFD’s chronic pain. This morning I took 5 mg of Methadone as prescribed for pain. I took it about 5:30, some 1 1/2 hours before I normally get up. And I have to say that I am in much less pain than usual.

Last week I went to the VA pain clinic in Dallas for the first time. I had visited the one at the Houston VA Hospital and had undergone there an epidural steroid nerve block for the pain caused by my degenerative cervical discs. The shot didnt help.

The pain doctor whom I saw this time also determined that future steroid injections would likely be of no benefit as well. He basically had said that if I just couldn’t go on anymore, to come back and they’d try the shots. But other than that, there wasn’t much they could do for me. I didn’t completely agree with his contention. In fact, I thought the doctor was somewhat of an arrogant ass.

I had been taking the muscle relaxer Soma recently after having not taken it in more than a year. I took the drug for quite some time and when I moved to a different VA where they did not use Soma, I had no problem at all with stopping its usage. The pain doctor lectured me on his opposition to Soma use and that he does not prescribe it to his patients because of addiction potential. He kind of went on and on about this until I finally got bored and waited until he was talked out.

Needless to say, I wasn’t very happy that the doctor didn’t have any other recommendations as to possible pain therapies. There are others that exist even in the byzantine system that is the Department of Veterans Affairs, including accupuncture, which I have yet to try.

So I thought it was quite curious when my primary doctor had told me Dr. Arrogant Ass had recommended I be prescribed Methadone. I was kind of taken aback at first. I was thinking to myself: “Does this guy think I’m a junkie?” But I did some research and found that Methadone, a synthetic opiate, was originally used for pain before being widely used to treat heroin addicts.

Methadone does have some serious drawbacks. This drug is itself very habit-forming and can have particularly nasty withdrawal symptoms which I have read are often worse than those of heroin. I have even heard heroin addicts say that kicking Methadone was much more difficult than getting off heroin. It kind of made me wonder why this pharmaceutically self-righteous pain doctor would prescribe something with such addictive potential. He said after all: “Cocaine might help you but I wouldn’t prescribe it to you.”

But so far so good. I am not 100 percent pain free nor do I ever expect to be but my neck and shoulder pain seems to be cruising under the normal levels. Who knows, maybe the arrogant ass did me a favor. We shall see.

Ahoy! We come bearing barrels of cash from a rich Texas builder.

If Texas politicians are not for sale, some of them sure seem to be rented by Houston builder Bob Perry. Perry has been a top Republican contributor and helped fund the so-called “Swift Boat Veterans for the Truth,” which aided the scuttling John Kerry’s presidential bid.

But Perry, like any good Texas bidnessman who is trying to peddle his influence to officeholders, doesn’t particularly discriminate against any one party.

A report released by Austin-based watchdog group, Texans for Public Justice, says Perry gave $6.7 million to state politicians during the 2006 election cycle.

State Republican candidates got 92 percent of Big Bob’s largesse. The Democratic candidates received the rest. Perry donated more than $2.8 million to various political action committes (PACs) which included $780,000 given to the state GOP and $601,000 donated to Texans for Lawsuit Reform. (Hint: It isn’t a trial lawyers group.)

Individuals received more than $4.1 million from Big Bob. Gov. Good Hair Perry (supposedly no relation to Big Bob) had a nice little bundle of $380,000 to be the biggest individual recipient from the home builder. Also receiving six-figure donations were Attorney General Greg Abbott, Lite Gov. David Dewhurst and State Rep. Joe Nixon, R-Houston. Nixon lost a bid for a Senate seat in the GOP primary to Houston talk show host and reactionary Dan Patrick. Big Bob contributed $55,000 to Patrick.

My friends at Texans for Public Justice are to be commended for this report and the others that they compile on all the political spending and other shenanigans that take place in our state. It just almost makes me sick that one individual such as Bob Perry would spend that much money to buy influence in state government. It is not so much that he seeks special favors from the government. Hell, even people without money do that. But the fact that he spent such a large sum on politicians when I could have used it to have much more fun than most of the jackasses in the Capitol will have.

Next time Bob, just press the donation button on this blog. A couple of million should suffice for starters.

It could be a cruel, cruel summer for Fiji’s Bainimarama

Why does it seem that coups in foreign countries always seem so complicated? Why can’t the issues behind overthrowing governments be more like those in the United States, such as say, free trade or universal health care?

A coup has been feared recently in the island nation of Fiji in the South Pacific. A standoff by Fijian military leader, Commodore Vorge Bainimarama, erupted about a month ago. Bainimarama is upset that leaders of the 2000 coup in Fiji are being allowed to rejoin the government. That is despite the fact that Commodore Bainimarama might somehow be mistaken for the 70s and 80s bands The Commodores and Bananarama. Alexander Downer, the Australian foreign minister, said Fiji was in the midst of a “tortuously complicated situation,” according to the “Financial Times.” Downer can understate with the best of them. It also must be pointed out that one must be cautious of news reports about small island nations especially when they are printed on the side of a salmon as is the case with the FT.

Fiji has experienced two coups since gaining its independence from the British in 1970. It is rather easy to understand why this is the case. My ship docked in the capital city, Suva, overnight in 1977. While the islands were lovely and somewhat quaint back then, Suva seemed to suffer from a lack of entertainment. Of course, it might have had something to do with it being Sunday. Or perhaps that several of my shipmates and I had drank enough Jesus in a Jar to where we wouldn’t know entertainment from intersection.

Perhaps Bananarama and The Commodores will work it all out and everyone can get back to doing what they do best in Fiji. I absolutely have no idea what it is that they do best but I’m sure they will think of something.