Eight Feet Deep

Despite a few hangovers that this train exacerbated, the Texas State Railroad still needs saving.

A lot of things have been on my mind lately and I have not closely followed the monetary woes that the Texas state park system has had. Funding the parks to in order to keep them up and running has been, at best, death sucking on a Lifesaver in recent years. This statement by the Texas Sierra Club’s Ken Kramer kind of sums up the history of the park funding mess.

In particular, I had not known that the future was so bleak for the Texas State Railroad.

The railroad operates vintage steam-powered locomotives and passenger cars that take visitors on a 50-mile round trip through the Neches River basin and some of the most beautiful forest land in East Texas. Passengers can board the train at depots either in Rusk or Palestine. It’s a genuine piece of rolling history and traveling on the train gives one a feel that they are back in time before Al-Quida, the TSA, cell phones, the Internet, Al Gore, etc.

My friend Waldo, before his untimely death more than seven years ago, had a camphouse on some 200 acres just across U.S. Hwy. 84 from where the Texas State Railroad runs outside the tiny town of Maydelle. Waldo along with me and a few of our friends would go to the camp — Camp Waldo — a few times a year for some drinking, telling tall tales and just generally acting out our inner yahoos. There were a few times on Sunday mornings, I would be awakened with a hangover from the lonesome sound of the locomotive whistle as the TSRR would be chugging by.

Once, I rode the train for a story I wrote for a paper I was working for at the time. I had written a column prior to that story about the train waking us up, although it really wasn’t that bad. The park superintendent to whom I was setting up the train ride for my story said the train crews had kind of been offended by my column — and the notion that the train had awakened us.

“They (the crew) kind of figured people should be awake by 11 o’clock on Sunday morning,” the then park superintendent told me.

We pretended to bitch about being awakened by the train. But in reality, at least for me, I thought life could be a whole hell of a lot worse than waking up to the sound of an ancient steam locomotive lumbering through the Pineywoods of East Texas. It turns out I was right, of course, Waldo died and his property was sold. Thus we (my friends and I) lost both a friend and a hell of a place to get away from whatever it was we needed to get away from at the time.

Yes, a lot of my reasons for wanting the Texas State Railroad to survive are sentimental. All the reasons are in fact. But it just doesn’t seem right to throw a piece of history and a chance to get out in the woods in the crapper.

A number of arguments could be made as to why the trains are a treasure. The railroad has been used for quite a number of movies, for example. Waldo told me of an experience in which he was somewhat annoyed involving the shooting of a movie.

Waldo said he was attempting to leave his camp one Sunday afternoon when he was blocked at his gate by a county mountie. It seems the shooting for the TV mini-series “Rough Riders” was taking place on the railroad across the road, so Waldo had to wait for an hour or so until the crew was finished before he could leave the camp. Oh well, such is the price of proximity to showbiz.

One may look right here to find out what efforts are being made to save the Texas State Railroad. Check it out. Sign a petition if you want. Go naked in front of the Capitol in Austin. (Why not?) The Texas State Railroad needs to be saved. We squander our past and our outdoors as it is.

And then I will go on to something else.

As I said, I was not surprised Owens denied the suicide attempt if that was indeed what it was. But if he was less than truthful about the incident both Owens and his publicist could have just kept their mouths shut. Instead, at the press conference Owens had yesterday, his publicist basically called the Dallas Police Department liars, that the cops made up everything that was on the police report. As the Dallas police union president says, if the police did make it up then Owens and his publicist should file a complaint with internal affairs.

Okay, so here’s the deal. I had an idea this morning while walking. I don’t know what made me think of it. Anyway, I’ve been trying to sell a couple of items on eBay. You know, getting my feet wet (figuratively speaking). I was thinking of how I could sell an item on eBay and get a much greater return on my investment than what was expended. Then, light bulb! It came to me. eight feet deep — the CD.

I have decided to do a collection of EFD postings and throw in a few unpublished items, such as a really terrible haiku, and try to sell it (or them) on eBay. I mean, it’s not going to cost very much to produce. I might even make it multimedia with a video of my friend’s parrots Gabby and Jake. There’s nothing like exploiting animals for fun and profit! What’s the worst that can happen? No one will buy it? No, the worst that will happen is that a lot of people will want it (them, those, that, their … ) I’m going to give it a shot, but I need help. That’s where YOU the reader comes in. You didn’t really think I was going to let you off that easy did I?

Now I have a working title for the collection and a photo for the sleeve (above). That tentative title is: “What a Friend We Have in Cheeses: The most mediocre of eight feet deep.” I might have to tweak the title some. But I’m going to need some blurbs. You know, those little endorsements by people on a book cover that tells how fantastic the book that they never read is. I invite anyone out there to submit a blurb. You can use your real name if you want to, provided your name isn’t something like: S**tface Motherf***er. You must include in your blurb how you are a significant person who is endorsing this collection, such as Vernon Equinox, petty thief.

Please bear in mind that blurbs must be somewhat positive. For instance:

“When I first read eight feet deep I would vomit. Now I don’t vomit so much when I read it.”

Or …

“This is a blog that appears to have been written by a lobotomized baboon. And I mean that in a good way.”

Send your entries with “Blurb” in the subject line (why I don’t know) to eightftdeep@hotmail.com. I really need your help. I know some people who are real authors of books whom I could ask for blurbs. But I would like to try to spare those people of what would surely be the absolute rock bottom of their careers as writers. So bring them on!

Terrell Owens asks Sen. Dianne Feinstein, D-Calif., if she would be interested in trying out as the Cowboys’ placekicker.

Terrell Owens told reporters this afternoon that he didn’t try to kill himself nor was he depressed. The comments came after he was released from a hospital following what Dallas police called a suicide attempt.

It actually would have been a surprise if the Dallas Cowboys receiver had said that he did try to commit suicide due to depression. For one thing, that sort of admission would land you into the “even more damaged goods” category as an NFL player. One must remember that his last team, the Philadelphia Eagles, let him go because of a number problems that made the superstar too much of a handful.

Also, an admission that some emotional issue is causing problems is something a lot of people will not make, especially those who must appear mas macho because of their profession.

Whether T.O. did or did not try to intentionally OD is something he will have to deal with as well as the Cowboys who are paying him millions of dollars. They have to be concerned. Will something like this happen again? Will something even worse happen? I’m sure a bunch of loudmouths who can’t see the football field for the bleachers will weigh in with their less than empathetic two cents worth. So be it. Professional sports are for grown ups and if you can deal with all the aches and pains you will have the rest of your life, you also better be able to deal with the consequences of your actions.

With that said, I still wish T.O. the best. If he has a problem, I hope he will get the help he needs. If he doesn’t have a problem …

The big news around the D-FW Metromess and likely within the sports world today is the overnight hospitalization of Dallas Cowboys receiver Terrell Owens. Early reports indicated doctors at Baylor Medical Center in Dallas were trying to induce vomiting. Then, the Cowboys Web site says he was suffering from a reaction to pain medication for his injured hand.
However, the Associated Press and The Dallas Morning News has reported that Dallas police reports indicate Owens tried to kill himself after being depressed.

Because Owens is such a big star and has sometimes come off as a prima donna is the reason we are hearing such details to begin with. Most media don’t report attempted suicides or even suicides unless it is a prominent person or an unusual circumstance in which the act takes place such as in public. Owens is a butt to some, an example of a typical young professional athlete with lots of money and little common sense.

But whatever his behavior, the rabid pack known as Cowboy fans seemed fine with his arrival to the team this season That is regardless of his antics such as running to the mid-field star in Texas Stadium after he made a touchdown while playing for San Francisco. And just maybe there is more to T.O. than comes through after his goofy antics. Nonetheless, all of his behavior seems like a small matter if it is true that Owens tried to kill himself after suffering from a depressive episode.

The unknowing might easily say: “What’s so bad about T.O.’s life that he would try to kill himself? He’s one of the best receivers ever. He’s got more money than a horse has hair. Blah. Blah. Blah. Yadda Yadda.”

If indeed Owens tried suicide or even made an attempt and suffers from depression, how much money he has in the bank or what kind of cars he drives is irrelevant. I am 50 years old and I began having depressive episodes only five years ago. While medicine usually takes care of that problem (I still have to deal with chronic pain), I still get episodes from time-to-time and I can tell you this: I don’t have a lot of money. I don’t drive a fancy car. And even if I was still able to play football, I wouldn’t make a wart on the ass of a professional, college or probably high school, junior high or flag football player.

Owens has an uphill battle ahead because of who he is. Fans are fickle as is fame. His people and the Cowboys seem to want to play down any notion that he may suffer from emotional problems even if he does. I guess that’s understandable. T.O. is an investment to the bidness side of playing ball.

But when it comes down to reality where being a star means being a star among your friends, the complex issue of trying to live as a real person and not some fictional character means all kinds of hurt and struggles will take place. And you deal with it. Or you don’t.

I wish the best for T.O. He needs all the good wishes he can get.