Eight Feet Deep

Let me see a show of hands out there of those who thinks all, some or any hookers resemble Julia Roberts in “Pretty Woman?” Now I know a few may think Julia Roberts isn’t the best example for this topic. But after all, the movie was named “Pretty Woman” and one supposes the filmmaker meant the title to reflect how Julia Roberts looks. Plus, the movie people were in this era where they were too lazy to think up an imaginative movie title so we were fed titles from the names of popular songs like Roy Orbison’s “Pretty Woman.”

But your average run-of-the mill, garden variety crack whore usually bears little resemblance to Julia Roberts on an exceptional day (an exceptional day for Julia Roberts and the hooker.)

The Smoking Gun brilliantly illustrates that, while you may find a streetwalker with a heart of gold, her lifestyle can wear her her down so much that she looks like this. Or even like this. Or even like this poor lady who had the mother of all bad hair days.

These are mugshots of some hard-working girls scooped up by police in Bensalem, Penn., after they allegedly advertised their wares in the “Casual Encounter” section of Philidelphia Craigslist, according to TSG.

I guess for some, at least, it really doesn’t pay to advertise.

“I’m often asked why we’re in Iraq when Saddam Hussein was not responsible for the 9/11 attacks. The answer is that the regime of Saddam Hussein was a clear threat.” — Gee Dubya Bush, el presidente.

Many of us have asked that question. Now we know. Saddam was a “clear threat.” He didn’t have weapons of mass destruction like Kim Jong-il. I don’t recall that Saddam was threatening the West with a nuclear program like Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. But he was a clear threat. Thanks for clearing that up Gee Dubya.

An old Chinese proverb says something to the effect that editors should produce errors for readers to find. I can’t exactly remember the reason why. Perhaps it gives the reader something to do. Perhaps it helps boost self-esteem. Perhaps I am just grabbing this proverb out of my ass.

Nonetheless, this week’s mystery error was found by none other than my dear friend Suzie who lives in Arkansas. Suzie correctly corrected me by pointing out Gene Kelly was in “Singing in the Rain.” What I doofus I am. Well, as I told Suzie, we still need more Astaires. As in Astairway to Heaven.

Lina: Oh Donny! You couldn’t kiss me like that and not mean it just a teensy bit!
Don Lockwood: Meet the greatest actor in the world! I’d rather kiss a tarantula.
Lina: You don’t mean that.
Don Lockwood: I don’t – – Hey Joe, get me a tarantula.

For this week’s mystery winner, Suzie gets a free subscription to, what else? eight feet deep. What’s that? You say you already have a free subscription? Then have another. Jeez, I can’t give them away fast enough!

It rained just a short time ago. Because of drought conditions, that’s considered news where I am located in North Central Texas, unlike the Beaumont area from where I came.

I stood out in the rain for a minute or two. It wasn’t really raining that hard. I was thinking while the rain was falling: Why is it that you never see someone dancing and singing in the rain like Fred Astaire? Oh, I am sure people would think you are somewhat insane, but who cares? I would dance and sing in the rain myself except for the fact that I am a lousy dancer and I couldn’t carry a tune if it was captured and kept in a hermetically-sealed bucket.

Where are all the Fred Astaires out there? We need you more than ever.

Five years after 9/11 seems like a good day to reflect on just where our country is and where it is going.

Someone who seems to have a handle on the situation we are in today is Merle Haggard. Yes, the man who wrote “We don’t wear our hair all long and shaggy/Like the hippies out in San Francisco do.” Hey, a person has a right to their point of view, even if it changes or mellows out after awhile. If this wasn’t the case, Neil Young would not still be on the music scene or at least relevant.

While surfing the other night I came across Merle’s Web site. Click on it and you will hear the song playing that illustrates the “Hag’s” reflection of just what has happened to the United States over the past few years in a song called: “America First.”

“Our highways and bridges are falling apart
Who’s blessed and who has been cursed
There’s things to be done all over the world
But let’s rebuild America first …

“Yea, men in position but backing away
Freedom is stuck in reverse
Let’s get out of Iraq and get back on the track
And let’s rebuild America first.”

Maybe Hag’s point of view is a little simplistic but more is there than meets the eye.

Parts of the Gulf Coast in this country remain in ruins after devastating storms such as Katrina, Rita and even from those storms before the nightmare 2005 hurricane season. It’s also not hard to find people who are needy in our own nation. These are not just those homeless folks with scraggly beards and dirty clothes. They include the college-educated, career men and women who were laid off after corporations restructure in order to realize bigger profits.

Maybe our nation’s attitude about personal worth is a hangover from our early colonial days. But poverty seems to be the old, derelict uncle we don’t like to talk about. It is like one is unvirtuous, a heathen, infidel, or is some sort of misfit or the other if he or she is impoverished in our society.

The great philanthropists in the world — some of the largest being Americans such as Bill Gates — should rightly be lauded for helping make our planet a better place at large. But taking care of our own poor, or about to be poor, is often left to various church organizations which most often operate on a shoestring.

So Hag’s point of view might be simplistic, but I think he hits a strong note about our own people needing liberation. It’s a great country, so why not help America first?