Eight Feet Deep

Sorry that it has taken more than 90 minutes to correct the spelling of “epiphany” in my last post. I could have just as easily said: “Hey, I just thought of something pretty wonderful that I hadn’t thought of before!” But nooooooooo. I had to use epiphany in order to sound like something really major happened. As in: “I just had an epiphany, get a crash cart!” Or, “I just had an epiphany. It wasn’t bad but it could have been cooked a little better.”

Actually, I started to correct the mizpellzement as soon as I had seen her in her oh so short skirt doing The Hustle. (Huh?) But as I hit the button to publish I was blinded by a brilliant light that evidently originated from Planet Blogger. A big sign then arose and said: “Cool thy jets.” About that time a work thing came up, followed by a trip to the supermarket, lunch and getting the red beans boiling. Yes, smartass, in that order. Then I checked my blog’s dashboard and it said that I spellzed epiphany the Wright way but my blog page said something different. So I said: “Crap.” Then I finally published the correct spellingzzz of epiphany an hour and a half later.

That is what I’m talking about.

I just realized that I love my job. Granted, I’m not making much money. I’m barely getting by in fact. But my job allows me to stop what I am doing so I might walk outside and watch it rain. Not bad work if you can get it.

Ah, a damn fine cup o’ joe it is. Too bad it’ll kill you dead.

Coffee is good for you. Coffee is bad for you. Coffee will make you live long and love longer. Coffee will make you impotent. Jeez Louise I can’t keep up with all scientific claims about what coffee may or may not do to your health. The latest says a little too much coffee and your ticker’s toast.

This most recent study was on a group of people in Costa Rica where I would think they drink the macho stuff, not all that crap that makes your coffee taste like chocolate and cream married then decided to consummate the nuptials right there in your cup.

I don’t know. You can read the article. You can read the study if you want. I don’t pay any attention to those studies anyway (I say as I find myself drinking herb tea). I think maybe the last study that I took note of was the one that said eating pork and drinking whisky every day will keep you in shape (in the shape of a drunken pig perhaps). All I’m saying is you might want to skip that second cup of coffee. Have a pork chop and a shot of Wild Turkey instead.

I am working on Tuesday, which is primary election day in Texas. If you live in Texas here is a friendly reminder to vote. That is, I suppose, unless if you are planning to support either independent gubernatorial candidates Kinky Friedman or Carole Keeton Rylander Stayhorn-expialidocius. I don’t think they can get on the general election ballot in November without more than 45,000 signatures on a petition from those who HAVE NOT voted in either the Democratic or Republican primaries. So do what’s right. Whatever that is. The future is in your hands. You screw it up. You pay for it.

No matter how crappy the rest of this day might be, the morning had one particular bright spot. I found $10 on the ground while taking a walk a little while ago. It was just discarded, in no one’s yard, and Alexander Hamilton was staring up at me with those serious eyes saying: “Take me. Spend me.” Maybe I have Miss Cleo to thank. Although, if she predicted this event she didn’t let me in on it. Or maybe it was the prayer chain I returned to a friend. Most likely, it was my keen ability to spot paper money on the ground.