Eight Feet Deep

They aren’t singing “God Bless America” at this game.

A few thoughts struck me like a wild pitch last evening as I watched the World Series. And no, I am not going to talk about the game itself. The White Sox leading the series 2-0. Sigh!

Lou Rawls did what I feel was an admirable job singing the “Star Spangled Banner” before the game. I always cringe when I hear someone sing our anthem a cappella. It’s such a difficult song for even the best of singers to sing. So why in the name of Thomas and George Jefferson haven’t we changed our National Anthem to something more pleasant and easier to sing? I mean, it probably sounded good as a drinking song if you were totally crocked on some grog. But when you’re sober prior to the beginning of a game you hear a song that is a disaster awaiting FEMA.

I have said many times that we should change our National Anthem to “America the Beautiful,” the Ray Charles version. It’s got a lot of imagery in there. It has God in there so it ought to please the Christian right. I guess it leaves out the rocket’s red glare but I suppose we could add a verse about blowing up an enemy tank with a shoulder-fired missile if you just gotta have your battle images included.

Also, I think the time has come to cease singing “God Bless America” during the 7th inning stretch. I suppose it was poignant enough in the wake of 9-11, if you must make some sort of affirmation of your patriotism. But a lot has happened since 9-11. And we’re still here.

I think a bigger statement about our nation’s strength and resilience could be made by just giving up “God Bless America” during the game without fanfare and begin singing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” once again. That would show the terrorist bastards that we are right back doing the same kind of things we always do. I believe in this instance that actions would speak louder than words. It would mean the terrorists didn’t win. Like we didn’t know that already.

Apparently a crime took place at my small apartment complex last evening as a friend and I went out for dinner and a movie.

A bedroom window in the apartment facing South was smashed out in what neighbors said was an attempt to gain entrance. The apartment is empty. One neighbor said he got a good look at the suspected burglar, whom he said looked like the same guy who had a month or so earlier stopped by the apartment and was trying to open one of the mailboxes. That same neighbor said he made a report to the police about the attempted break-in.

Let me just say that I find this information somewhat dubious. It is obvious that the glass was broken and that the landlord had stopped by to cover the window until new glass could be installed. I don’t want to libel anyone, but I find the activity the neighbor reported as one of a growing string of bizarre incidents around this five-apartment complex.

These incidents have included a burglary and theft of a wallet from an automobile parked behind the apartments next door, as well the theft of a birthday card that I had intended to mail to a friend. I have a suspect and I will not disclose exactly where in the neighborhood this man lives, but I will say it’s too damn close to me. This man is a registered child molester who also has a lengthy rap sheet for auto burglary. Too many strange occurrences have taken place since this paroled felon moved in nearby.

I would like to give someone who did their time in the pen the benefit of the doubt, but I’m not really a big fan of child molesters or burglars. So I will continue to watch him and hope that if he slips up it will be from his propensity to steal rather than molest children. And will I drop a quarter on him should he falter? You bet your ass.

The lady in the photo is Frances E. Willard. Today is Frances E. Willard Day. Any questions?

I’m sure a big question you may have is just who is Frances E. Willard and why does she have her own day? From what quick research I was able to find on the Internet, Willard was most associated with the temperance movement. Also from what I gather, Frances E. Willard Day is supposed to be about personal temperance. It’s certainly something to which I will toast.

Willard was an early president of the Women’s Christian Temperance Union, which was in the forefront of the movement to rid the U.S. of those liquid evil spirits. It took awhile, but the efforts of people like Willard and the old hatchet-wielding, bar-wrecking bat Carrie Nation, eventually prevailed upon ratification of the 18th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution in 1919 which ushered in prohibition. The 21st Amendment was passed 14 years later, repealing prohibition, after Americans tired of drinking hair tonic and kerosene in their cocktails.

Prohibition was a noble experiment — in crime, corruption and being generally overzealous. So I shall hoist a glass later this evening to thee, old Frances E. Willard, you were one of the people who made Americans realize just how much they like to drink their alkie-hol.

Shall I go left or go right? Should I even go forward? Perhaps I should just stop. Or I could jump the tracks and go get a cold drink. But would they dock my pay? Would I be letting down the team? Would I be called a quitter? A cold drink really would be nice. However, I still will have the original choice to make when and if I return, which is whether to go left or go right. Damn choices! What’s that? You say they’re adding a third track straight ahead? EEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIII!

Harriet Miers as a young girl admiring the president. And Toto too.

Norm had an entertaining idea. No, not Norm from Cheers, Norm from the American Enterprise Institute. Maybe he was joking and maybe he wasn’t in his piece for Huff Po today in which he laid out this scenario: Cheney would resign as VP. GW would appoint GHW Bush as VP. GW would then resign. President GHW Bush would then appoint his new pal Bill Clinton. Entertaining? Yes. Reinventing the wheel? Yes. I don’t think that would be a very good idea at all.

Perhaps the time has come in our republic that we put our government on autopilot. We could dissolve all three branches and have this big Rube Goldberg-looking machine in the Oval Office. Perhaps it could even spit fire like the Wizard’s ruse.

The machine could be programmed with witty and insightful sayings. It would be right up the White House press corps’ alley. Every four years the country could decide whether we should keep the machine or put real people back into our government in order to totally screw up our lives. I’m talking about real conservatism here. The government that governs least? Why the machine wouldn’t govern at all.

Could a machine be any worse that our own band of misfits who run our federal government? I think not.