‘Pow!’ Time to duck and cover kids. Teachers be packin’ heat!

The end of this month brings to an end the current session of the Texas Legislature. That would be good news in itself were it not for the fact that with the end of the lawmaking comes the culmination of a horse race for “Most Ridiculously Insane Texas Law of 2013.”

At the present we have a very solid leader for that race as lawmakers run out the clock with the inane, the idiotic and the imbecilic a.k.a. Texas Law. The front-runner makes a statement about guns, that being: The only way to combat gun violence on Texas school campuses is to turn the first grade into the OK Corral.

A bill innocently known as HB 1009 establishes secret “school marshals” which according to the bill’s text also creates:  ” … the training and appointment of certain employees of a school district or open-enrollment charter school as school marshals, and the rights, restrictions, limitations, and responsibilities of school marshals; authorizing the imposition of a fee.”Hmm, seems like there’s always a fee. No taxes though.The Senate passed the measure with a rousing 28-3 margin. Sing it — “People all over the world, join hands, join the gun train, gun train … ” The bill is headed for an inking by our gooder-n-good-haired Guv, Mister Perry his own damned self.

Rep. Jason Villalba, R-Dallas, authored the gun bill. Villalba told The Texas Tribune that the program is modeled after the federal air marshal program and the identity of the participants will supposedly be held closely. Only certain school officials, DPS, and local LEOs shall know. Yep, something looks different about Coach these days. Can’t tell what it is with those tiny shorts and a bulge from his backside. Must be some kind of new jockstrap.

“This legislation provides school districts with a cost-effective school security option that includes robust training tailored to protect children in schools during an active shooter situation,” Villalba said.

And details? What about those details? The district may appoint only one marshal per 400 students. That district “may, but shall not be required to” pay for the employee’s training. And check this out! A school marshal may carry a concealed handgun on campus but only if district regulations provide the employee is not in direct contact with students as part of the employee’s normal routine. However, the marshal:

 ” … may possess a handgun on the physical premises of a school in a locked and secured safe within the marshal’s immediate reach when conducting the marshal’s primary duty. The written regulations must also require that a handgun carried by or within access of a school marshal may be loaded only with frangible ammunition designed to disintegrate on impact for maximum safety and minimal danger to others.”

Frangible? Fragile – brittle – breakable – frail – tender – friable. I had to look it up.

I see all kinds of trouble ahead with this legislation. Yes, I’m talking trouble with a capital T, that rhymes with P and that stands for “Pow!” Trouble too extensive to extenuate! Too God-awful to genuflect! First Amendment problems. Fourth Amendment woes. Logistical problems.

“Coach, you can’t go out on the field anymore unless you move your gun safe out there! 444-44-4 or not!”

Such silliness. The Tea Partyers, the RINOs, the regular old Republicans, even the Dems, they don’t want to piss off the NRA. So the Lege just throws something together up into the atmosphere and see where it lands.

Maybe somewhere down the line that landing will bring weapons to the students so it will give them a fighting chance.

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