Indulge me a few moments, if you will, for a cynicism frenzy. The Mitchell report today blew the lid off Major League Baseball. Perhaps this tell-all about steroid use in the bigs will change the face of baseball as we know it. Maybe it won’t. Maybe I should just say: Who gives a rat’s ass whether one or all of the great names of a once-great game use steroids to make them hit home runs and their testicles shrink? What does it matter that chemical cheating is prevalent in baseball or any other sport or past-time? I mean, really, think about it.
Cheating is cutting corners, doing things the easy way. Although one might dispute that, considering the negative effects of steroid overuse, is necessarily helping an athlete get an advantage the easy way.
But cutting corners has become the great, American past-time. Big mega-corporate f**ks cut corners all the time. Look at China. They be cutting corners big time. Our CIA cuts corners while interrogating prisoners. It might not be so much that it’s the easy way to get accurate intelligence from terrorist by making the prisoners feel like they are drowning or other torture means while shot in the gut like one of the suspected terrorists whose videotaped interrogation was conveniently “lost.” Probably these “detainees” were tortured just because those big, bad CIA tough-guy, badasses could torture them. Besides, what’s cutting corners or cheating after terrorists fly planes into your buildings?
So I am not sitting here wagging my finger too much at those multi-millionaire baseball players who want to screw their bodies and brains up with steroids. It would be better if we didn’t have baseball who use chemicals to make them hit more long balls or run faster. It would be better if companies didn’t cut corners which make their products less safe just to make more money. It would be better if our country could be the principled nation among nations that didn’t torture its prisoners for whatever excuse those zealots come up with as a means to an end. But we can’t be unscrewed can we? Nothing from nothing means nothing. All aspirin’s alike. Don’t worry be happy. Have a nice day and leave the driving to us.
Cynical? Me? Surely you jest!