Satellites or noses: Plenty of poo-poohing when it comes to finding penguins

Yes, it is true North Korea couldn’t launch rockets if its people’s lives depended on it. For that, we should be thankful.

But an even greater reason for joy is that scientists have discovered that twice as many emperor penguins exist in Antarctica. These scientists used satellites to track penguin guano. The latter term is what BBC refers to as “penguin poo.” The scientists from the UK, U.S. and Australia say about 600,000 of the flightless birds, which are the tallest and heaviest of the species, exist way down South.

The emperor has no clothes? Well, they seem pretty well dressed for life in a guano factory. Wikimedia Commons photo


The satellite tracking of the penguin crap will help scientists determine the health of the emperor population, which modeling indicates, could decline if warming starts melting the sea ice on the edges of Antarctica, the BBC report said.

It is good to know that hunting emperor scat from outer space is paying off in keeping watch over our melting planet. Is it a coincidence that spurs this headline today on Google News?

Auroras Seen on Uranus For First Time

Which inevitably raises the question — yes it’s childish as hell — “Is it Your ANUS or YOUR an us?”

To which is quickly answered: “Is its whose anus?”

But I really question whether satellites are needed at all to track Scatman Penguin. You see, I know for a fact that penguin feces smells, well, like s**t. I mean, it smells really, really foul. That’s foul, not fowl. I viewed a bunch of pigeons once when my friend Ross and I visited the Dallas World Aquarium a few years ago. No, I’m not sure what penguins have to do with aquariums either, especially when they are part of an outdoor exhibit. But, I mean, thank heavens they are outdoors. I would hate to be cooped up in a room with a bunch of penguin poo.

Well, that is it. I am confused but I started with penguin guano and end with penguin guano. Call it by whatever name one likes, it still smells like penguin s**t and at least for such a discovery, one needs no satellite, just a halfway decent schnoz.


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