The CNN Newt: Oh my

Which is worse?

a) Fox Newt b) President Newt c) CNN Newt.

That is a really difficult question when the Newt of which one speaks is Newt Gingrich. Obviously, a great many Americans believe with deep conviction that the prospect of, b) President Newt Gingrich, would probably be one of the worst occurrences possible. One must think the question through very carefully, however. Here is a sad political tale that just might help answer that question.

Like most other prominent conservative conservatives, who may or may not but probably are of the Republican persuasion, “The Newt” as I like to call him, used Fox News to communicate with other of his ilk. This was as a so-called “Fox News Contributor.” A Fox News Contributor is usually a Republican or disaffected Democrat who can appear to give their two cents’ worth in order to add up to approximately one dollar’s worth of right-wing propaganda. But The Newt has a perpetual wild hare and this wild hare, whose name is Callista, woke up one morning and told The Newt he needs to do something different.

“Sell some more books or bring in some more speaking fees or sell your old recordings of Paul Harvey. Do something Newtie, you’ve got to keep me in diamonds,” Callista said.

So Newt hit upon an idea. After watching how Sarah Palin’s fortunes took off after her ill-fated run for vice president, Newt decided he would run for president.

“Like, yeah, people are really going to elect me,” said The Newt.

Newt paid a price that he didn’t realize at the time. Fox News cast him adrift when he decided to run for president. Perhaps it wasn’t so much that Fox worried about providing equal time for opponents if Newt ran. That did seem like a good excuse and a good way to get rid of The Newt, whom everyone realizes is a gigantic pain in the ass.

Surprisingly, some Republicans actually had an interest in the former speaker for a short time during the pre-primary and primary run simply because of the party had never before experienced such an overwhelming glut of bozos who sought the highest office in the land.

But lo and behold, Newt had his run. He knew things were going pretty badly when his campaign bounced a check in Utah.

Now Gingrich must once again go to work — Mitt Romney being anointed the big, rich white guy heir apparent to the throne — using what little prominence he gathered through his 15 minutes of new-found campaign fame so he might continue buying diamonds for Duchess Callista.

It appears though that The Newt burned some bridges over at Fox News so now he is disowning the Republican Party network. Gingrich has decided CNN is less biased than Fox. Some would say that is old news and perhaps not even so accurate these days. Just watch those cold, hard eyes of Erin Burnett.

Fox shoots back. A network spokesman says Newt just wants a job at CNN after being bounced from Fox. What a low blow. The former Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives and a one-time front-runner for the Republican presidential nomination, treated like just another old political hack.

“Joining us are our CNN contributors, Democratic strategist James Carville, former press secretary for George W. Bush, Ari Fleshier, and Republican former U.S. House speaker and presidential candidate Newt Gingrich,” says Wolf Blitzer.

And we still have seven months to go. The worst has yet to come, kind of, sort of.