A wiener company has determined through a survey what are the favorite condiments people put on their Chicago style hotdog. Please notice I said condiments and not condomments because otherwise people might complain of the latex taste.
That’s getting pretty specific when you survey the condiments of a Chicago hotdog. Then again, it would be a bear of time determining what were the favorite toppings on all the other variations of the hotdog: The Tel Aviv hotdog, the East Rutherford, N.J., hotdog, Mr. Chu’s hotdog, Mrs. Chu’s hotdog, the Armour hotdog, the Armored hotdog, the Armored Tel Aviv hotdog that Mrs. Chu serves on Wednesday’s … You get the drift.
The Vienna Beef Company conducted what was cleverly-named the “CSI — Condiment Survey Investigation.” (Let’s hear a little yuk-yuk-yuk). Here are the results of favorite Chicago hotdog condiments:
Yellow Mustard * 55.4%
Ketchup 55%
Onions * 52.6%
Chili 40.8%
Bright Green Relish * 40.7%
Spicy Deli Mustard 32.1%
Sauerkraut 26.8%
Dill Relish 12.7%
Tomatoes * 7.2%
Pickle Wedge * 7.8%
Celery Salt * 3.6%
Sport Peppers * 3.0%
Giardiniera 1.0%
*Denotes the seven actual ingredients on a Chicago-style hotdog. You get bonus points for naming the seven words you can’t say on television.
The survey also found that men overwhelmingly prefer onions as their favorite topping on a Chicago hotdog while women list yellow mustard as their preferred condiment. Wow, I really didn’t expect those findings. Of course, I never really thought about it.
Unfortunately, it appears from the press release by Vienna Beef that their president seems to be either a catsup bigot, an under 17 bigot, or is prejudiced against those under 17 who like catsup.
“Unless you’re under 17, ketchup isn’t part of the equation,” says Vienna Beef president Howard Eirinberg.
Oh yeah? If I pay for a damned hotdog I will put whatever I want on it, chief! I don’t care if it is a Chicago dog, Chili dog, Kraut dog, Quiche dog, Mackrel dog or Tofu dog. If I want to put catsup on it I will and the Vienna Beef Co. president can’t stop me. Not that I would put catsup on a hotdog.
Those surveyed also listed the people they would most like to share a Chicago hotdog with:
“Reba McEntire, Mike Ditka, Dick Cheney, Eva Longoria.”
Honestly, that’s what the press release said. Isn’t strange however large the sample was for the CSI, that they picked those four particular people? I mean, who wouldn’t want to share a hotdog with Dick Cheney? Perhaps they would also like to bird hunt with him.