Month: November 2005

It seems a lot of people have been telling me both literally and figuratively for a long, long time that I’m going to Hell.

Certain mortals among us suppose their knowledge of the Holy Bible enables them to make such a judgment. It has always been rather disquieting to know that if indeed Hell exists — somewhere other than in supermarket checkout lines — that certain actions or behavior will send you to that big steaming, fiery pit when you’re no mas. It is especially frightening when you’re a child. Perhaps that is why I liked to pretend I was Jesus when I was a kid.

Now we have more mortals making all sorts of pronouncements about what God will do to you for various indiscretions. For instance, Pat Robertson’s recent prediction that a Pennsylvania town will face doom and destruction for voting out the school board that demanded intelligent design be taught to students. Well, I guess Pat and the rest of the Bible beaters can do whatever they think is best.

Personally, I have my own list of people who should go to Hell for their misgivings. And this list does not really have a whole hell of a lot to do with religion. I will try to come up with lists of people I think should go to Hell from time-to-time. I think it should be quite fun. Here are my first listings:

1. The inventor of the smiley face. It is one of those mysteries of life just who created this ghastly icon. But whomever got the ball rolling surely must know that if there is a Hell he (somehow I think it had to be a guy who came up with this) will burn there to a crisp. Smiley smiles but behind that mask is an insidious doom merchant urging that you grin while you’re getting gored by the ox of life. I especially hate pop-up smileys. They are like the jack-in-the-box of an impending nuclear winter. Jeeeezzzzz. They give me the freakin’ creeps.

2. Pat Robertson. I don’t care whether he burns or is Lucifer’s maitre’d. I wish he would go straight to Hell and the sooner the better.

3. Mosquitoes.

4. Tom Cruise. And would he please take his Scientology and his dime store pop psychology with him.

5. Driver’s who tailgate me. I can never be sure but perhaps a strong chance exists that this constant pain in my neck and the related two cervical disc surgeries may have had its origins from the person who hit my car in the ass end while I was at a stoplight. It is annoying, tail-gating. It is dangerous. To paraphrase Baghdad Bob: The stomachs (and all the rest) of those who tailgate me should roast in Hell.

That’s it for now. Have a hell of a nice day!

We’ll even throw this guy in the deal.
I thought New York had it all. I guess not, says AP’s Larry McShane:

“NEW YORK – Spin the radio dial in the nation’s largest city, and the choices are dizzying. Talk shows in English and en Espanol. Smooth jazz and heavy metal. Nonstop hip-hop and 24-hour news. Classic rock and all-sports.
“But AM or FM, one thing remains absent: A country music station.”

In the spirit of brotherhood, I would gladly give them one or two of our country western stations here in Southeast Texas in exchange for a decent music station period.

Since I spent four years in the Navy it seems almost like a conflict of interest for me to talk about Veterans Day. But it’s not really. I reap the bennies of those who served, fought and/or died for whatever reason those men and women served.

I say that because military service isn’t always about duty, honor, country, apple pie, blah, blah, blah. For some it is a gateway to a better life. Or an economic opportunity. Others served because they were drafted. And yes there were those who were inspired in a fit of patriotic fervor such as after Pearl Harbor or 9-11-01.

On this Veterans Day I think back to all the people I’ve known who served. It’s a lot of people. There was the old man up the street from where I was raised who was gassed during World War I. My own father and two of his brothers fought in World War II. I knew a lot of Korean vets. But of course, Vietnam was the war when I was growing up. One of my brothers served. I likewise knew people who died there. I know or knew guys whose souls were forever damaged there. And I know people who came through that war just fine. Then there are all the battles since. A good friend of mine had two sons who went to Iraq last year. The last e-mail I got from my friend said her boys — both mobile machine gunners — “had been changed forever.”

The Paris Peace Accords were signed the year before I enlisted in the Navy. I’m considered a Vietnam-era veteran because I served before 1975, when our last official military actions were evacuations as the North Vietnamese overran the South. But the closest I got to Vietnam was after the war, cruising hundreds of miles off the coast on a destroyer in the South China Sea. And the biggest danger I faced in the service — was from my own reckless youth and that of my fellow young, knuckleheaded sailors.

I am not a fan of the war in Iraq. I feel our troops were backed in there and put in a situation where our country would look weak if we withdrew without deposing Saddam. I’d like to see us get the hell out of there yesterday. I don’t know what that would do to us in terms of perception by other nations. A bunch of extremist terrorists may perceive us as evil. But real nations that will go to war over a lunch tab might perceive us as weak if we pull out without some sort successful conclusion. And no, I don’t know what that would be. I’m afraid we’re in a no-win-win situation. But then, I’ve always been a bit of a Gloomy Gus.

With my diatribe about Iraq done, I do challenge the right wing propagandists who put out this ridiculous notion that you can’t support the troops in Iraq without supporting the war. It’s just total bullshit. I was supporting the troops long before they got to Iraq. I was one of the troops, so to speak. And many of those talking heads or government officials who espouse such drivel never served a day in uniform. But hey, they don’t let a little hypocrisy get in the way.

So yeah, I’m appreciative of veterans past, present and future. The military can be idiotic and bureaucratic and supreme ass-coverers and let things happen like Abu Ghraib but I wouldn’t want any other country’s military protecting us. Like Texans used to say about Lyndon Johnson, “He may be a bastard, but he’s our bastard.”

Anything is better than what these lunatics are spewing from Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas (what IS it with Kansas anyway?)whom I mentioned earlier. They are protesting at funerals for soldiers killed in Iraq, saying that God is punishing them for defending homosexuals in the U.S.

Perhaps I shouldn’t be astonished, but I really was when I looked at the church’s Web site which is (of course) named godhatesfags.com. The Web site had a notice of a planned picket today for the funeral of Army Spc. Darren D. Howe in Beatrice, Neb., who was killed in Iraq by a roadside bomb or IED (Improvised Explosive Device). Here is what our so-called “Christian” friends had to say about it:

“Thank God for IEDs. God Himself has not become America’s terrorist, killing Americans in strange lands.”

These people are just freaking insane. If I still attended the Baptist church as I did in my youth, I would encourage my fellow Baptists to sue the hell out of these people for using the Baptist name. Baptist my ass! Apparently these assholes didn’t get the message about “Love thy neighbor.”

Read more about this fun bunch.

Strange. Very, very, strange.
I wish the Kurds well but like the post from News Hounds said today they could’ve chosen a better slogan.

Something called the Kurdistan Development Corporation has produced various ads that thank the U.S. for their involvement and telling what a swell place it is to be. But their slogan: “Kurdistan — The Other Iraq,” might not be just the ticket for the great number of Americans opposed to the war there. Suggestions?

“Stan’ by me in Kurdistan.”
“Kurdistan — It’s not our fault you’re in Iraq.”
“Before you try the other ‘stans, try Kurdistan.”
“Ya’ll come back to Kurdistan, you heah?”
“Kurdistan — Built Chevy tough.”

Okay, you see why I didn’t get into advertising.