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The joys of news

The TV networks were able to pull off both the shootout at the Big Bear Corral and the State of the Union. It appears the police got their man, the one who once stood in their own ranks. It will be interesting, to me at least, what comes out in the investigation surrounding the death of Christopher Dorner. That is provided it was Dorner whose remains are inside that burned out cabin. It likewise will be interesting what becomes of the initiatives introduced in the SOTU address.

As for me, I’m exhuasted. I didn’t sleep enough because I watched too much news coverage. What a bitch! Now I am nodding offfffffffffff. Sorry. I’fpppppppppddddddddd. Think I better eat then get some sleep.

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More carnage as ex-cop cop-killer is surrounded

The alleged cop-killer psycho Christopher Dorner is apparently surrounded in a Big Bear, Calif., cabin. Several officers have unknown injuries after the former Los Angeles police officer and naval officer reportedly stole a car leading to “a chase, a gunfight and a standoff,” according to NBCNews.com.

It is on TV live. Anderson Cooper is narrating the scene on CNN. The Rev. Al is on his regular MSNBC show, talking like he knows what he’s talking about. And Fox News, they are denigrating President Obama with the looming SOTU, State of the Union address tonight, live. If he isn’t bumped by the standoff hoopla, that is.

Ugh. I like you Rev. Al, but I can’t listen to you on a regular basis much less on a dramatic TV story.

Back to Anderson and his many speculative guests. Right now the live shot is of police checking cars at road blocks. It would be unfortunate if Dorner suddenly jumped out of a car. I am watching it and all, and I know quite a few TV reporters so I understand getting the visuals. But I sure hope they have some delay mechanisms.

I also know this is no time for levity, but a crisis like this, if you’ve got some black humor you use it.

Anderson Coooper: “If Dorner is held up in the cabin and he has an anti-tank weapon and he likes to play Scrabble but isn’t very adept at it then do you think that perhaps President Obama would use some of the CIA’s drone’s to blow him to Kingdom come so this standoff will end by the time of the State of the Union address?”

Guest: “Huh?”

Wolf Blitzer: “Well we certainly wouldn’t want anyone to be blown to smithereens but nevertheless it is something we certainly have to consider, that and the fact that Anderson is in danger of running out air when he fails to breathe during his fractured sentences.”

(Wolf passes out.)

Dr. Sanjay Gupta: “Well, it appears that Wolf has an acute case of syncope. That is fainting for those of you unfamiliar with the medical terms I can so freely toss out there and help fill up a good 45 seconds of otherwise dead here.”

(Wolf wakes up, shakes his head.)

Wolf Blitzer: “Right you are Sanjay …

And we just hear another police officer has died, according to The Los Angeles Times.

And on it goes.

More insanity.

What gets me is the fans this extremely troubled man has collected including those on social media such as Facebook and Twitter. It isn’t anything new, sympathy for the devil, to borrow a phrase from the Rolling Stones. Look at people who adored Bonnie and Clyde, the cop killers of the Depression. And Hitler. He didn’t get to where he was without many, thousands and hundred thousands of supporters.

 

 

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Pope Benny set to become just plain “Joe”

Here I was, all set to write about the Pope Benedict XVI, SVU, who has decided it’s time to hang up his white zucchetto and his red shoes. It is a big deal and not just for those of the Roman Catholic faith. The Holy See is, after all, the Head of State known as Vatican City-State. Who cares if you have a Swiss Army knife. The Pope has his own Swiss Army. These are very devoted and very handy men to have around, because they probably have a Swiss Army Knife somewhere on them underneath their orange, blue, red and yellow dress uniform. Were the uniforms designed in a later age would one swear the tailor had been watching “The Wizard of Oz” perhaps synthesized to Pink Floyd’s “Dark Side of the Moon.” Maybe the Papal Guard have an Official Swiss Army Knife in an Official Swiss Army Knife holster ready at a moment’s notice to open a can of beans and a bottle of wine for His Popeness. Does the Pope eat beans? And if he does, will his flatulence register a reading on the Richter Scale? “Ach, mein Gott!”

But something of more importance than the fact that Benedict XVI will voluntarily leave the Popedom. Yes, I know that is not the correct word. It seems more normal for an 85-year-old man to retire than to be carried off to wherever it is they dispose of the Papal remnants, dying with his red shoes on, as it were.

Who shall take his place is of prime emphasis because you won’t have the Rev. Joseph Ratzinger to kick around.

Why the Vatican might even see it’s first Canadian pope. That’s right. A lot of speculation in these earliest, the first in fact, days of a looming Pope-be-Gone. A Québécois as a matter of fact, Cardinal Marc Ouelett, the Metropolitan Archbishop of Quebec. In past interviews Ouellet has played down his rising star of Popehood, making statements to the effect that being The Holy See is too much work, as he saunters down the sidewalk gently humming “Alouette.” The Wickedpedia, just another made-up name to make it in print in today’s bloguration calls “Alouette” “a popular French Canadian song” about dressing up a dark-eyed Junco in papal vestments and stalking former St. Louis Cardinal Albert Pujols who has gone to the Angels. That’s right the Angels of Anaheim who ride their noisy Harleys onto the field striking terror in the hearts of lesser men such as Fox Sports announcer Joe Buck.

It would indeedee be a real surprise to see a norteamericano Pope. In fact, “not a chance in hell,” said a local priest, who decided to get a running start on Fat Tuesday revelry. Tim Dolan, who is Archbishop of the Center of the Universe, which is otherwise known as New York City (“New York City? Get a rope”) would be a favorite except to the betting community. Online bookie Paddy Power currently has Dolan at 25-1. But, hey, it’s only the first day of what will be Pope-a-Mania, or Pope-a-Sopa or Pope Soap on a Rope. Let’s get it all out now of our systems so we will be fast with an affirmative.

Is the Pope a Canadian?

No, not yet.

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Catch the crook who robbed my bank

This week I am out of town — until I take that little ol’ jet airliner back to Houston and ride a shuttle bus back to Beaumont. If I would have waited until Monday I could have flown from Beaumont directly to Dallas, where I am currently hanging out. Instead I had to fly this past Monday so I took a little bus to Houston and a way too narrow jet to Dallas.

It seems once again as I am away the whole town turns to crap. It isn’t as though I could do anything about it though. No, I  seriously speak of yet another bank robbery. What is this, the fifth one in the Golden Triangle of SE Texas area lately? There was about four in Beaumont and one in Vidor. I think police nabbed a suspect in two of the robberies.

Now once again another robbery took place. This was at my banking company, not necessarily my bank. Police said a man who said he had a gun, walked into the VVBA Compass Bank at 2635 Interstate 10 East in Beaumont, and demanded money.

“I demand money, damn you!” is what he said. No, not really. I mean, I don’t know what he said. He could have used signing for all I know.

The bandit was given what police say was an undetermined amount of money. I am sure it was determined fairly quickly. It is just the bank and police — mostly the bank I imagine — don’t want you to know how much money was stolen. The thief then ran east on foot. Well, probably on two feet to be exact. The Beaumont Police say they are looking for the alleged crook as are the FBI.

If you see the robber, call somebody. Preferably, the police or Crime Stoppers.

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Super Bowl madness yields too little music, so far

Lots of sports and lots of nothing have graced the magical electronic airwaves this week from Super Bowl in New Orleans. We know almost everything about the two brothers Harbaugh coaching against each other almost to the point that I fear we will learn about each one’s success at toilet training. We know the San Francisco 49ers player, who don’t seem to be as much of a “player” as he thinks, who said we “the team” ain’t got no gays! Okay he didn’t say it exactly like that. But he is so much of a non-story that I will not bother to look up his name so excuse me if I don’t quote him verbatim.

And we’ve had Ravens perhaps Hall of Fame-to-be linebacker turned street preacher Ray Lewis accused of using a potion from deer antlers. Give me a break. This guy got a lesser charge of obstructing justice on a murder rap! It’s supposedly the last season for Ray Lewis. But we’ve heard that before from some who just can’t kill the golden goose even though he … sorry. Forgive me pastor, for being so cynical.

What we’ve not heard a lot of or a lot about is music. New Orleans is music. The vaunted Mardi Gras Carnival time is now. A few parades were shifted around to accommodate the big game. So what comes to your mind when you hear “New Orleans?” “Oh when the Saints go marching in … ” perhaps? Well, maybe you think “Katrina.” Bad vibe indeed. Let’s just say when you think of New Orleans music a song will come with it.

All large U.S. cities have songs written about them or in their title or lyrics: “New York, New York these vagabond shoes they are longing to stray … ” Or maybe a little “Chicago, Chicago that toddlin’ town … ” Even jump on down to the No. 10th largest city, “Deep within my heart lies a melody, a song of old San Antone, San Antone … ” Okay, it’s actually San Antonio, but give me some license Jack!

New Orleans is a large U.S. — not as large as before Katrina hit. Actually, U.S. Census figures show NOLA was declining in population before Katrina. The city ranked 24th in the ’90 Census but shrank to 31st in the 2000 Census. Today it is 51st in the U.S. However, rebuilding and repopulating has made the Crescent City the fastest growing large city in the U.S., according to the 2010 decennial tally.

Hey, all that stuff don’t mean a thing. Well it does to some. It means something to many to be exact. But even if New Orleans was a just a tiny photograph of itself the city would still be playing music and folks would be singing “Iko, Iko” or a jazz band would still be blasting away as some soul was carried to his final resting place. Well, providing no more Katrinas come along.

Songs remain in our minds and on our musicians fingers and hands and lips so we all hear songs about New Orleans or with a New Orleans reference like just a half-dozen of my favorites:

“New Orleans Lady,” Le Roux (Louisiana’s Le Roux)

“Battle of New Orleans,” Johnny Horton

“Hey, Hey, (Indian’s comin’)” The Wild Tchoupitoulas

“Walking to New Orleans” Fats Domino

“House of the Rising Sun” The Animals

“Louisiana 1927 (The river had busted through clear down to Plaqemines/Six feet of water in the streets of Evangeline.)” Randy Newman

Well, all six songs may “technically” not about New Orleans proper but it don’ madda.

Sorry, I’m just not up to linking all the songs. If you want to hear them, you know what to do. Oh, and as for the songs about big cities. I am flying to Dallas next week but I, hopefully, won’t be flying at night and definitely will not be flying on a DC-9 at night.