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The CNN Newt: Oh my

Which is worse?

a) Fox Newt b) President Newt c) CNN Newt.

That is a really difficult question when the Newt of which one speaks is Newt Gingrich. Obviously, a great many Americans believe with deep conviction that the prospect of, b) President Newt Gingrich, would probably be one of the worst occurrences possible. One must think the question through very carefully, however. Here is a sad political tale that just might help answer that question.

Like most other prominent conservative conservatives, who may or may not but probably are of the Republican persuasion, “The Newt” as I like to call him, used Fox News to communicate with other of his ilk. This was as a so-called “Fox News Contributor.” A Fox News Contributor is usually a Republican or disaffected Democrat who can appear to give their two cents’ worth in order to add up to approximately one dollar’s worth of right-wing propaganda. But The Newt has a perpetual wild hare and this wild hare, whose name is Callista, woke up one morning and told The Newt he needs to do something different.

“Sell some more books or bring in some more speaking fees or sell your old recordings of Paul Harvey. Do something Newtie, you’ve got to keep me in diamonds,” Callista said.

So Newt hit upon an idea. After watching how Sarah Palin’s fortunes took off after her ill-fated run for vice president, Newt decided he would run for president.

“Like, yeah, people are really going to elect me,” said The Newt.

Newt paid a price that he didn’t realize at the time. Fox News cast him adrift when he decided to run for president. Perhaps it wasn’t so much that Fox worried about providing equal time for opponents if Newt ran. That did seem like a good excuse and a good way to get rid of The Newt, whom everyone realizes is a gigantic pain in the ass.

Surprisingly, some Republicans actually had an interest in the former speaker for a short time during the pre-primary and primary run simply because of the party had never before experienced such an overwhelming glut of bozos who sought the highest office in the land.

But lo and behold, Newt had his run. He knew things were going pretty badly when his campaign bounced a check in Utah.

Now Gingrich must once again go to work — Mitt Romney being anointed the big, rich white guy heir apparent to the throne — using what little prominence he gathered through his 15 minutes of new-found campaign fame so he might continue buying diamonds for Duchess Callista.

It appears though that The Newt burned some bridges over at Fox News so now he is disowning the Republican Party network. Gingrich has decided CNN is less biased than Fox. Some would say that is old news and perhaps not even so accurate these days. Just watch those cold, hard eyes of Erin Burnett.

Fox shoots back. A network spokesman says Newt just wants a job at CNN after being bounced from Fox. What a low blow. The former Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives and a one-time front-runner for the Republican presidential nomination, treated like just another old political hack.

“Joining us are our CNN contributors, Democratic strategist James Carville, former press secretary for George W. Bush, Ari Fleshier, and Republican former U.S. House speaker and presidential candidate Newt Gingrich,” says Wolf Blitzer.

And we still have seven months to go. The worst has yet to come, kind of, sort of.

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Dallas

Happy Monday. Or something.

I drove from Beaumont to Dallas today. I forgot that it is such a journey. I’m staying in the Omni, near the Convention Center. It’s a really nice hotel. I just happened to get a negotiated rate. Still, a nice view of the skyline. Business in the morning but waiting for my old friend Bruce to stop by after (his) work.

This end of Dallas is kind of old hat to me but it has been a few years since I’ve been this way. One may still get accosted for money or who knows what else when passing by the Greyhound station.

I am more familiar with downtown Dallas than with the central district of any other of the other top 10 American cities in population. That includes No. 4 Houston which is only 80 miles away from where I live. My familiarity is no big mystery why as I have worked a number of temp jobs in downtown Dallas or just wandered or watched a free concert or three at the West End. That was during my slightly longer than temporary stays in the D-FW area. There is a lot a truth in Jimmie Dale Gilmore’s lyrics from “Dallas” (“Have You Ever Seen Dallas From A DC-9 At Night.) Actually, Joe Ely, who is Gilmore’s bandmate in theThe Flatlanders made the song popular.

 “Dallas is a woman who will walk on you when you’re down

  But when you are up she’s the kind you like to take around … “

Anyone who spent desperate hours in Dallas can identify with the song although it probably has been awhile since DC-9s regularly flew over the city.

Here I am though with my feet 15 floors off the ground. Just sitting here looking at the city they (we) call Dallas.

 

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Verizon continues to stink at servicing my problems

What is wrong with these people?

I am speaking of Verizon Wireless. Let’s see, I’ve gone through five different wireless devices in slightly more than a month since “upgrading” to their 4G, or fourth generation of wireless telecommunications coverage. You know, the one they say provides “lightning” speed. I was advised after raising holy hell with the company that the two cell towers within a mile of where I was living were conflicting with other. When I moved up the street, for what I hope is temporarily, coverage is even worse. During peak usage hours I can’t even get 3G or no G coverage. Luckily, the hotel has pretty decent Wi-fi.

To attempt to get anything done I have had to hang up on Verizon people,  yell at them, threaten them with bad media exposure, just any damn measure which will get their attention. I have found that persistence is what usually pays off.

Still, I am baffled that a company that says they “care” about the customer would allow such crappy service to continually take place. So bewildered I was that I sent an e-mail to their Houston media relations office asking questions about that very same topic. I don’t know whether the media flak listed on their Web  site, Gretchen LeJeune, answers inquiries from bloggers/customers. I know so far, she has not replied and I am definitely not holding my breath.

I received my last replacement wireless internet device, a Samsung Hotspot, in six — count ’em — six different boxes. It looks like I will get this Novatel replacement in at least two. I managed to raise enough hell this afternoon that Verizon said they would cough up an extra 20 bucks to hopefully have me delivered a battery and back cover to the so-called “Mi-fi.” We shall see if that happens.

This is what I would call the definition of “bad” customer service. Maybe bad is a little too weak. But I will leave at that because I am worn out. I hope that you have a great Easter weekend, providing you deserve it.

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Hey diddle diddle … and the cat ran away with the ‘shrooms!

Hey diddle diddle!

Today I look back at some of the nursery rhymes I heard, now a half-century past, and wonder if they had any meaning or whether they were just random thoughts put together, of the kind I do and as my Dad did before me.

The Wikipedia offers some explanations into possible origins of “Hey Diddle Diddle.” They are interesting, or at least some are but they do not deserve repeating here, especially when one may read them as I have linked.

The cat and the fiddle. The cow jumped over the moon.

One thinks of fiddles and their strings made for many years before synthetics with “catgut.” This material came from various animal intestines such as sheep, cattle, horses but probably not from cats. As for cows and the moon, long has a fancy existed that the moon was made from cheese and dairy cattle being a major source of cheese, one can understand a cow being curious as to the origin of that big old bright moon at night, lit up in all its splendor in an anything-but glorious color which doesn’t resemble most cheese at all.

The little dog laughed to see such sport.

Thus we have us a laughing dog, which is laughing, presumably, at a cat, a fiddle, and a cow jumping over the moon because its mother lode of cheese might just reside there. I’ve never actually seen a dog laugh. I’ve seen them smile plenty of times. Well, maybe once I did, let’s not talk about that. Then again, I’ve never really seen a cow hurdle the moon either.

And the dish ran away with the spoon.

Why? Because the fork conspired with the knife to drown those now runaways in a vat of soapy water. Die you dirty little bastards! I’ve felt that way about silverware especially when even an electric dishwasher couldn’t clean them.

My best guess is hallucinogens. These rhymes purportedly came from Merry ole England, but when they surfaced is anyone’s guess. Well, not anyone but perhaps some scholar could make some sense of it. Just what got these fellows to start seeing cats and fiddles, cows jumping over the moon and a dish on the lamb with a spoon makes me think think the author ingested some kind of mushroom. Maybe it’s not the psilocybin found mostly in tropical and subtropical areas, including the south and southwest United States. But just think of what those long-ago cows might have ate to help grow something, well, downright wild.

Of course, the explanation may also be completely innocent. Someone made some rap up which was silly to tell their little one. Or else, someone who was tripping like a big dog in PetSmart made something up which was silly to tell their little one.

 

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The great American novel and nowhere to write it

It seems a lot of writers have these great places where they can stay for free, in the woods of Canada or New Hampshire, and write their great American (Canadian?) novel. I don’t quite know how works out. I can’t afford to move, or quit my job even, much less move to the woods of Canada. Why I bet they wouldn’t even let me in there. I’ve never been to Canada but the general wisdom is that it’s full of nice people. Some might not find me so nice, at least sometimes. I get a bit grumpy with age and pain.

I know of people who say all Canadians aren’t nice. That doesn’t surprise me. I’ve been to Australia and New Zealand. I met a lot of nice people there. I also met a few who were real wankers. The same goes for people I met in the South Pacific and Indonesia.

The point is I am in this hotel room trying to find a halfway decent place to live or stay that costs next to nothing. It is funny, actually not, that this country is filled with empty houses. That is especially true with what the mortgage crisis. All these empty houses, and so many people who need a decent roof over their head.

I still can’t help but hang my head in disgust looking at the former Baptist Hospital of Southeast Texas, at the intersection of College and 11th streets in Beaumont. The five-story building built about 60 years ago has been empty nearly 10 years since the hospital was abandoned and rebuilt just to the east on College. The word is H-E-B — the big, San Antonio-based regional grocer — wants to raze the building and put in one of its superstores. That would be okay as well. This end of town needs such a store too where one can find all the fine foods, wines and cheeses.

I don’t care who moves in as long as someone will occupy all these empty buildings all over the place. Well, I’d hate to see a big 5-story building full of Al-Quida terrorists and rednecks and armed black African separatists. Although such a move might tend to “thin the herd” so to speak. A story I saw today says the Astrodome is suffering from neglect. Well, I hope they find some good use for it as well. But a lot of the houses from the mortgage meltdown will never be occupied. One day, maybe 10 or 15 or 20 years from now — those merely unoccupied homes will have become abandoned or used by the homeless or for crack houses and shooting galleries for heroin — will be torn down for someone bent on “urban renewal” or “gentrification” or one of those four-cent words public administrators and planners love to use. Until then, people say: “Gimme shelter.”

And don’t forget I could use a nice place in the woods to write my book as long as it is not in Canada, or anywhere outside of Southeast Texas for that matter.