Uses for a thesaurus on a bad day


I kind of feel like this fellow today.
To say things aren’t going well for me today is an understatement. Someone broke in line in front of me at the store today and I beat her unmercifully with a rack full of “Weekly World News.” By the way, I like the WWN’s online story this week about a soda jerk who lives up to his name.

Actually, I didn’t beat someone at the store with a rack of tabloids. I haven’t even been to the store today. I was just making that up to illustrate the point that I don’t feel well today and things are going to s**t.

So ‘scuse me while I tend to the rest of my day that has turned:

abhorrent, appalling, atrocious, awe-inspiring, awesome, awful, bad, beastly, dangerous, desperate, dire, disastrous, disturbing, dread, dreaded, dreadful, extreme, fearful, frightful, ghastly, gruesome, harrowing, ful, hideous, horrendous, horrible, horrid, horrifying, inconvenient, loathsome, monstrous, obnoxious, odious, offensive, petrifying, poor, repulsive, revolting, rotten, serious, severe, shocking, unfortunate, unnerving, unpleasant, unwelcome, vile.

Not quite tropically depressed

I took some pictures of North Street in Beaumont, Texas, this morning before I left for some errands. Unfortunately, the shots didn’t come out so well.

Had the photos been of near-blog quality or, somehow, better they would have shown my street looking as if we had landed in Venice (the one in Italy). It has rained heavily this morning due to a low-pressure system in the Gulf of Mexico that didn’t quite become an “official” tropical depression.

But alas, it is tropical enough to make me want to break out my old Jimmy Buffet cassettes and drink hurricanes or, at the very least, Barq’s Root Beer.

The rain added on to the soaking we had yesterday. The combination of the relentless rain and poor driving made for some interesting driving in the ‘hood. Driving in water that is elevated – yet not quite swift enough to sweep you away and onto a daring rescue shown on CNN — is a bit like driving a boat near other boaters. You try to avoid making a wake that will fill the other guy’s car up with water. Also, driving fast and braking quick isn’t the best of ideas.

I’m heading home in a few, hopefully it will be smooth sailing for the time being. That is, at least until the next wave of rain comes to dump upon us. Did I ever tell you that I really like the rain? Call me crazy, but yeah, I do.

The care and feeding of the Dept. of Veterans Affairs

Since a lot of new military veterans are being produced by our state of war, I thought I would pass something along that might be helpful to new veterans or their families who are new to using the VA for health care. It’s not that I figure a lot of people are going to see this little ol’ blog in Beaumont, Texas, but one never knows who may stop by.

So here is the deal. The VA is the second largest cabinet department in the U.S. Government behind the Defense Department. As such, it’s a gigantic-ass bureaucracy like DoD. Bureaucracies, as most people realize, are in the business of keeping their jobs or expanding their kingdoms. So that should be a self-explanatory warning when dealing with the VA.

Secondly, the VA is continually underfunded and thus is often overcrowded with people which also slows down their responding to patients as quickly as they should.

Finally, as is the case with any bureaucracies, there are a few ass****s in the system. Enough said.

One veteran, once using the VA medical system, has just as much right as another to have adequate care. If you feel you or your loved one is not being responded to properly, here is my secret to the successful care and feeding of the VA medical system.

1. Call your VA patient representative or consumer affairs office. As far as I know all VA hospitals and clinics have these reps whose job it is to help the veteran get through all the bullshit. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don’t.

2. When the patient rep route doesn’t seem to be working, find your local congressional office. Craft a sensible letter and deliver it to the Congress member’s local office if possible, or get their fax number and fax the letter to their VA caseworker or other caseworkers in the office. Don’t rant and rave. Just calmly lay out the problem and ask that it be investigated.

Federal bureaucracies and their local representatives don’t like congressional investigations. Sometimes a threat of writing your congress member works, but usually it doesn’t. You usually have to write a letter to get the VA’s attention.

3. If all else fails, make up a placard and picket your local VA facility. However, stand just off the property grounds unless you ask for permission to protest on the facility’s property. The last thing you want if you have medical problems is to be put in jail.

If none of the above works, I don’t know what to tell you. I’ve never had to resort to No. 3, but have successfully used 1 and 2 numerous times.

Good luck, and don’t let the bastards get you down.

Ah, the good old days

This weekend I looked back, for some reason or the other, at my college yearbooks. It is rather amusing to see how people looked and dressed in the olden days (about 25 years ago).

I saw a photo of the outside and marquis of what was the SFA Theater on North Street in Nacogdoches, Texas. It was basically located between the campus of Stephen F. Austin State University, where I attended, and what was the Crossroads, where I drank a lot of brews. Playing at that particular time at the movie was “Urban Cowboy.” I’m sad to say that I saw that dreadful movie at the SFA Theater. friends can get you to do all kinds of things you wouldn’t do under normal circumstances.

But what caught my attention in the yearbooks — even more than students dressing up like urban cowpeople or wearing ripped sweatshirts “Flashdance” style — was a student protest pictured in my 1980 yearbook. The students were protesting against the Iranians who had in 1979 taken Americans hostage at the embassy in Tehran. One particular sign held up by a rather well-dressed, young lass read: “To Hell with Iran. I’ll pay $1 a gallon!”

Here we are today and relations with Iran are worse than ever. But we are on our way to paying $3 a gallon for gasoline. I guess that’s progress, huh?

Love thy animal


” … Stuck some stuffing up its butt and called it ‘Macaroni.'”

No, that really isn’t the real pony Macaroni that Caroline Kennedy rode in her young White House years. What I mean to say is it isn’t a stuffed Macaroni. Nor is it lasagna. It is a sculpture of the famous pony which stands near the entrance to the State Dining Room at the White House.

The pony Macaroni (not to be confused with Boney Maroney who is as skinny as a stick of macaroni) really isn’t the point here. Rather it is how people love their pets and animals in general. If that isn’t something close to a believable statement one should only consider the case of the Burmese phython named Houdini.

Houdini, an Idaho man’s pet snake, intended to swallow a rabbit the other day and ended up swallowing an electric blanket along with the blanket’s controls. I was tempted to say “its controls” but I was afraid someone might mistake that to mean that Houdini swallowed the rabbit’s controls. Apparently the rabbit was all out of controls. Ha! Ha! Ha! That’s not really funny is it?

The snake’s keeper took Houdini to the vet where the doctor surgically removed the foreign matter, likely along with most of the man’s life savings. But I saw Houdini’s keeper on one of the morning television shows this morning and he said he didn’t care what it had cost to save Houdini.

Some people would say such actions were ridiculous, spending so much money on a snake that apparently couldn’t discern a rabbit from an electric comforter. Others would say it was stupid for the news to pay attention to such a story. But the fact is, my friends, people generally love their pets and animals in general. Those of us who have or have had pets generally regard them in some form or fashion as family. When I worked as a newspaper reporter, stories I wrote about animals usually got more of a response than any human on which I wrote an article. If the story was something about hurt or neglected animals, even more people would call or e-mail.

No, newspapers and television are not stupid for doing stories about animals. It really is what most of those who watch or read wants.

I have a great love for animals and I understand the passion of those who love animals, realizing of course there are people who don’t like animals and abuse them. But I do wish people could get as excited about their fellow human beings as they do their pets or other critters. I say that as the Middle East is about to explode with the Israeli-Hezbollah-Lebanon conflict along with the Israeli-Palestinian conflict along with the Sunni-Shiite-U.S.-and whomever conflict.

Wouldn’t petting a dog or cat, or even a snake, be a more productive activity than, say, blowing people to bits? I know that’s ridiculously naive. But I thought I leave this thought to chew on for the weekend rather than an electric blanket-filled rabbit.