Author: Dick

Carl Sandburg says get your cat’s feet out of the fog before election day.
When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for me to dissolve the saying that sits at the top of this blog, I do so by replacing that saying and retiring the old one. What? Did you think I was going to rewrite the Declaration of Independence?

The year “Ought-six” is almost upon us. It’s an election year. That’s a funny statement of course. When is there not an election year in this country? Whether the actual election takes place during a certain year makes no difference because someone — such as a congressional candidate — runs for office in perpetuity. What is different about 2006 from 2005 is actual elections will take place for Congress and state offices in Texas.

In a way I look forward to the prospect of spirited debate upon the many issues that face us in this country and state. On the other hand, the bulls**t which politicians spread as though they were growing vast planets of hay is sure to be thicker, more venal and of a greater volume than in the previous, non-election year. The politicians are literally going for the gold.

I have said before and I continue to believe that a better way of electing quality candidates to office must exist in some parallel universe. Instead of squandering all the money on running for office that could be going toward the betterment of our society; instead of the exponential employment of increasingly mean-spirited rhetoric used by rabid partisans; instead of shaking hands and kissing babies and petting show cows while singing show tunes; why not pick our office-holders in some way that doesn’t leave the citizen feeling as if they need to take a month-long shower? I will have to get back to you on just how that might be accomplished. In the meanwhile, I have this strange urge to whistle “Everything’s Coming Up Roses.”

If you don’t know me you might want to know what I look like. Or not. I could show you a picture but then I would sacrifice what little anonymity I have here. It’s not exactly like someone couldn’t put all the pieces together and figure out who I really am. Not that I am anyone of importance, great or otherwise. And of course, some who read this already know who I am.

So I thought I would post a picture of someone whom many people might know and with whom I have some semblance of resemblance. Dwight David Eisenhower. I look like Ike. I look so much like Ike that little old ladies come up to me and ask if I still wear that short-waisted Army jacket. Old guys ask me what my handicap is. I tell them my handicap is stupidity. They’re meaning golf I suppose. Ike liked playing golf.

I don’t know if I really look like President Eisenhower all that much. In profile I think I sometimes resemble Benito Mussolini. It’s a bald thing, don’t you know. I don’t know if I look like anyone famous at all. I’ve got a cleft chin like Kirk Douglas but I think the similarity with him starts and finishes there.

This morning I downloaded a new photo editing program. Maybe once I learn it I can do kind of a composite shot that has all the facial and cranial features I share with famous people. And maybe I won’t. It does sound like a whole lot of work just to come up with a photo of me that isn’t me. I think a glass of wine is a much better idea.

My friend Sarah and I had sliced turkey sandwiches for Christmas dinner at McFaddin Beach, just west of Sabine Pass. It was a beautiful day although it was a very windy feast as my first slice of Havarti went sailing for parts unknown.

We found this bucket while walking down the beach. I wonder if it belongs to Dick Cheney?

Charles the Christmas Tiger says: “Remember only you can prevent smoky bears.”
A few regular readers of this blog are long-time friends: Sally (what 30 years?) and Suzie (25 years). Just the fact that they have put up with me for that long are pure indicators of deep friendship. Anyway, I have already extended private Christmas wishes to those long-time friends.

I want to extend my holiday wishes to those new (mostly virtual but not all)friends who check in from time-to-time just to see what kind of bulls**t I’m spouting today. I really am grateful for StatCounter because it lets me see that people from all over the world sneak a peek at EFD. Why? I don’t know. I really don’t. Just in the last 24 hours I have had visitors from South Africa, Slovenia, United Kingdom, Portugal, Egypt and Canada, Oh Canada! To whomever that stops by, my best wishes for a great holiday season and a great 2006.

I also want to extend greetings to those who have linked me to their blogs: Nate at Common Sense, Karl from the UK who writes the cheerfully-named It’s All About Waiting to Die, and to Ben at The Benquirer. The Benquirer, by the way, is absolutely hilarious. It’s left-of-center satire and very, very funny.

With all this worldly love I’m sending out here I’m about to break out in a verse of the O’Jays “Love Train” and you certainly don’t want to hear me do that. So run along now, go and open your presents!

“Let the feats of strength begin!”
Yesterday I was in too much of a funk to celebrate let alone blog greetings for Festivus. I’m also really ashamed of myself because with all the storm debris that has been on the streets for the last three months since Hurricane Rita, I never picked up a Festivus pole. If you are unfamiliar with Festivus, the holiday created by Frank Costanza on “Seinfeld,” read here.(I think you can trust Wikipedia on this one!)

Rather than air specific grievances of why I was in a funk yesterday I thought I would air my list of grievances for the year in true Festivus fashion. Here goes:

The U.S. Government. It’s not just the president or vice president or Rummy that continually disappoint, aggravate and annoy me. Congress also gets a strong thumbs down. As does FEMA. And while the Department of Veterans Affairs has its share of caring and helpful people, the VA seems as if it is being run by a hamster on downers.

Certain people. Certain people have more than disappointed me, they made my life more complicated. That is all I am allowed to say due to a written agreement.

Grocery stores. I shop at a Market Basket store, part of a local chain. By and large it’s a pretty good store. It’s people are usually helpful. It has a good selection of items. I wish the aisles were not always blocked by people stocking shelves, but I guess that’s how they keep such a good selection. But I have had numerous run-ins at the Kroger across the street. It seems its employees look for ways to piss you off. I can be mentally abused practically anywhere I go so I don’t need to pay money for that abuse. But it’s not just local stores where you find employees who think the term “customer service” does not apply to them. It’s a nationwide epidemic. If you work for a grocery store and you do a great job, I’m sorry, but maybe you should give some of your less stellar co-workers a talking to. Or a blanket party.

The petroleum industry. I think you all know why they are on my list.

Tom Cruise. What an obnoxious ass.

Right-wing talk show hosts and their guests. Rush, Bill O’Reilly, John Gibson, Sean Hannity, Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin, Bill Bennett, Newt Gingrich, Pat Buchanan, Bob Novak, my God, they are just too many to name.

Right-wing and left-wing bloggers full of hate. If you blog with a thoughtful political point of view, I don’t care where you fall on the political spectrum. If all you want to do is just preach hate then go the hell away.

Religious fanatics of all types. If you are a Muslim jihadist, right-wing fundamentalist or any religion that you try to push down my throat then go the hell away.

People who left their pets behind during the hurricane. Maybe you thought you’d be back in a day or two. Surprise!! Now Fido is either dead or roaming the streets in a pack. And I’ve encountered those packs of dogs that got loose and have been accosted. It can be scary if not sometimes downright dangerous. If you are going to keep a pet, use your brain if at all possible.

I’m sure I have more grievances than that but writing this has left me too tired for the feats of strength. So I’ll just say: A belated happy Festivus!