CNN/Tea Party debate: Crawfish anyone?

As a resident of the bayou country of Cajun Texas I will confess that I have only seen crawfish swim backwards on TV. But I do know enough of the term “crawfishing” to know it means someone is backtracking on a previous statement.

Today I searched high and low to find someone saying Gov. Goodhair  Perry, good boy he is from the rolling plains of northwest Texas, did a little crawfishing of his own during last evening’s televised debate.

Perry was beaten up like a Sunday morning egg during the debate by some of his fellow Republicans who are seeking the GOP nomination next year. CNN cozying up, I guess, to the Tea Party co-sponsored last night’s debate with the TP in Tampa, Fla.

It is just plain flabbergasting that 10 more of these Republican gabfests will take place until March 5, 2012. I watched about half of the one last week and about a quarter of the one last night. I figure at that rate I surely will not watch any of the debate after the next one. The Sept. 14 debate will be televised on NBC. Well, I wouldn’t watch the debate on Sept. 22 anyway because it’s on Fox News Channel I have to organize my sock drawer that evening.

The aforementioned crawfishing by Ol’ Goodhair came about as he tried to explain to the TP and TV audience how he thought Social Security was a Ponzi scheme before he thought it wasn’t a Ponzi scheme. Are something like that. I’m still not sure what he was saying. At any rate, Perry seemed to backtrack when asked if he still thought the social income program was still a fraud after all the bashing he has taken for his reiterating that idea, plus the fact that he had a chance to redeem himself in Florida among the scores of retirees watching.

Perry said it was a “slam dunk” that Social Security was a “ …  program that’s been there 70 or 80 years, obviously we’re not going to take that away.” He never answered the question directly, of course, whether he still believed the program to be a Ponzi scheme. Had Perry come clean, he would have been thrown out of the Sleazy Politicians Guild. However, Perry badmouthed Social Security enough delivering his somewhat shaky answers and made it clear if he had a coyote named Social Security he would certainly shoot it.

Goodhair also got himself in a jam over an executive order he signed awhile back ordering young Texas school girls to be vaccinated for HPV, the virus known for causing cervical cancer. Now I personally come down on Goodhair’s side on this one, since it can effectively prevent this disease. I don’t like Perry’s dealings with lobbyists from the firm that makes the vaccine, including one of his former top aides.  I also dislike the fact that Perry said he only received $5,000 from the company and appeared indignant that he could be “bought for $5,000” when he receives millions in contributions. Last but not least, it is more than irksome to find out today that he actually got more like $30,000 from this company. But hey, $5,000 here, $30,000 there, after a while  you’re talking serious money.

It is all so tiresome that it makes me wish the General Election season was already here. At least I might, I say might because if Barry O’Bama doesn’t start getting some things done I might not, have someone to cheer for when that time comes around in about a year.

In the meantime I guess I’ll just have to sit back and eat a salad instead of the crawfish boudain I bought because anything crawfish is liable to make me think of Goodhair and that wouldn’t be too great on the digestive system.

The GOP debate. For better and worse.

Who’d have thought that me, myself and I would all sit back last night and watch one of the millions of debates scheduled this year of the folks seeking the Republican nomination for president? Nothing to do, for sure? Well, it was a little political entertainment until the series finale of “Rescue Me” started. Oh, and it was a fine end to a fine series for Denis Leary and the gang.

No, actually I watched most of it because it is the only game in town right now. Even though our own Gov. Goodhair Rick Perry, touted war and fide as “the flavor of the week,” having the lock on the nomination, that’s still a little while off. We’re talking a few days short of a year away from Tampa where probably some of the silliest people in the world doing the silliest things and talking silly s**t will gather and crown whomever it was who had the lock for several months before.

Gov. Goodhair did not look indestructible last night. He and Mitt Romney seemed to crowd out the others but if the vote for debate winner last night was between the two candidates — and sadly it was — Mittens emerging the clear winner.

Here is my “Not close to best” to worst list:

1. Gov. Mitt “Mittens” Romney. He had a very good grasp on his idea of the issues. He was also able to fend off most cuts by the rest of the bunch. Unfortunately, he came off like some sort of Mormon robot called “Mr. Personality,” You know, in the same ilk as calling Yao Ming “Tiny.”

2. Gov. Rick “Goodhair” Perry. I have seen this guy way too many times although never in such a forum. He did a mostly good job of trying to convince the crowd and his opponents that he does not have transparent skin. He continues to make so many false claims, such as his boasting responsibility for the stellar job creation in Texas, that continue to go unabated. I guess you did have to give the duo of Romney and Richie Rich Jon Huntsman credit for pointing out their state’s job growth equaled or bettered Perry’s. All in all, Goodhair came off like the “Return of the Shrubman (Gee Dubya).”

3. Gov. Jon “Richie Rich” Huntsman. I had to give him some nickname and he is rich with wealth which runs in the family. He was the only candidate, at least in my not-so-humble opinion, with more sentences which made sense than the others. When I say “make sense” I speak both in diction and substance. That isn’t to say I’d vote for him. No way. I’m not one of those. (Republicans) Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

4. Rep. Michelle “Ma” Bachmann. Congresswoman Bachmann, remarkably, said little compared with the others. And what she said was not crazy rhetoric, she’s been getting a little somewhere by not whining her insane ideas and opinions. Perhaps during the next debate she might should say nothing at all. That could make her a winner.

5. Congressman Ron “Earth-to-Utopia” Paul. I called his office this afternoon. I just wanted to hear it from his folks that the Utopian Libertarian Ron Paul will be my congressman come Jan. 1. Good God Gertie what a grasshopper! But Paul said he will not seek another term after than. So we have him for, what, a year? We also are getting rid of “God and Texas Ted Poe.” That’s how he signs his mass e-mailings. I mean, how full of himself can one be? Well, with Poe, we’re talking a lot.

I don’t have a lot to argue with Ron Paul were his rants based in something other than a fairy tale Never Never Land. While Mittens and the others preach free market economics, Paul believes it. That, in itself, is all right. But very, very little of transforming his beliefs into reality is possible with our system of government. I can’t understand why he is congressman. It will be interesting to see him in (in)action when he is my congressman.

6. Herman “The Godfather of Pizza” Cain, savior of Godfather’s Pizza, was the one candidate to bring a couple of snappy PR ideas to the party. There was 9-9-9, a plan to do away with the payroll tax and enact flat individual, business and national sales taxes each at 9 percent. The other idea was to adopt Chile’s model of Social Security, which probably means taking the elderly out to be executed. No that’s not it. Read here. The truth is, if Barack Obama is not re-elected, you will likely not see anyone with dark skin (other than a nice tan) elected president for a long time. Too bad Cain is an African-American during this particular election.

7. Rick “Man on Dog Santorum. Rick didn’t say too much. Thus, he didn’t say too many things which were ridiculous and sanctimonious. He actually had a good debate due to his lack of speaking.

8. Newt “Eye of the Newt” Gingrich. The former Speaker of the House has seen his presidential bid sputter to just about nothing. In fact, I didn’t know he was still running for president. The only remark Gingrich made that was notable was his blaming the media for attempting to push Republicans toward emasculaitng one another.  I’d have loved to see that! It was a gratuitous, inane comment. Gingrich needs a nap.

 

Read my true confession on why Perry is still a candidate. Plus a link to Gov. Perry’s french cuffs from Al Jazeera

It is not often that I link to an article on the Al Jazeera online outlet. It’s not that I don’t believe that they shouldn’t have a right to run news with whatever spin they would like. After all, I even link to Faux News every now and then even though I think what emanates from there is straight from the Devil’s ear.

The Al Jazeera article in question is titled: “Beware of Rick Perry, the French cuff cowboy.” That was plenty to grab my attention then after a read and finding lines like: ” He possesses slightly less gravitas than a half-eaten bowl of chili,” made me believe that this writer speaks a lot of what, at least I think, is the truth. The piece is written, by the way, not by some wild-eyed, Caliphate-espousing jihadist wrapped in a dynamite sandwich but instead is by a very entertaining and thoughtful liberal, or progressive, named Cliff Schecter.

I will let you draw your own conclusions which, if you are for Perry you probably won’t like what you read. As well I think back to a time when, perhaps, we wouldn’t even had to worry about this prospect of … I’m sorry I just can’t bear to think of it or write it in print … you know, the office that Perry seeks … had I been more insistent.

Sometime back after the war had been going for awhile in Afghanistan and Iraq I was assigned to write about President Bush on one of the several visits of his I covered at Fort Hood. As is always the case with, Bush, hell, all presidents, a little scene was set up in a particular area which if I remember correctly was assigned to the 4th Infantry Division. That division was supposed to have spearheaded the assault on Iraq from an invasion based in Turkey. However, Turkish officials refused to allow the division’s equipment to be deployed from there and ships carrying the tanks and other war material floated around for some time.

The division finally made it to war even though their leader, Gen. Ray Odierno, received a lot of criticism for what many saw as “heavy-handed tactics” once they made it to Iraq. Apparently somebody loves him though. He will be the next Army Chief of Staff.

At this set-up area in which Bush was supposed to speak were various staged tanks, Bradley Fighting Vehicles and other tools of war. Gov. Rick Perry showed up early in his black Suburban or whatever it was along with his Texas State Trooper plainclothes security men with their little earphones and dark glasses.

I can’t remember the PR flak who was there for Perry. He was not the head honcho but was one of the several people who were Perry “spokesmen” or “spokeswomen” at the time. We had a little time to kill so I observed Gov. Good Hair going around and inspecting all the equipment, looking like a little kid in a candy store. Of course, I couldn’t blame him. I like big machines, especially those that launch things which go “boom.” Several years before that I did a piece on new versions of Bradleys and the Abrams battle tanks that the 4th ID had just received. I was in much better shape then and they let me crawl inside both types of machines and look around at the consoles where missiles and guns cold be fired as well as where people rode in close quarters. Unfortunately, they wouldn’t let me drive one or — quite to my disappointment — fire off one the Bradley’s TOW anti-tank missiles, darn it.

If I am not mistaken, Perry had donned some type of military jacket, either a tanker’s jacket or flight jacket, I can’t remember which. That gave me an idea, of course, I kind of knew the answer I would get before I asked the question.

“Hey,” I told the governor’s PR Flak, “Why don’t you put a battle helmet on (Perry) and have his picture made inside a tank.”

That, of course, is the same pose which helped sealed the fate of failed Democratic presidential candidate Michael Dukakis.

“No,” the flak said quickly. “I think he’s caught on to that.”

Well, I tried, but not hard enough I think today, after Perry has now been the longest-serving governor in the Texas history. Now, he thinks he can be president. Who knows maybe he’ll do something really stupid such as slapping a wounded soldier like Patton did or some other way to shoot himself in the foot. If Perry continues to go jogging with a Ruger .380 pistol while jogging, like the one he supposedly used to shoot a coyote, he is liable to shoot himself in the foot for real.

The ‘Good Party Man’ and why he should beat Rick Perry

 

There is plenty yet to be written about Gov. Good Hair Perry but I will say little about him today because there certainly is no shortage of words being written about him. — HA! I ended up writing more than 1,300 words here, sucka! — I won’t bet, although I will say at this point in time which is way too early to be talking about this, that Rick Perry will win the nomination. Not for president he won’t. He might get on the ticket as Veep candidate.

Look at the history of the Republican Party and you will see evidence of it nominating the so-called “good party man.” This is someone who pays his dues for years, and “don’t rock the boat” a lot. You see, the Republican Party wrote that song “Rock the Boat,” but it actually goes “rock the boat, don’t rock the boat baby, rock the boat, don’t turn the boat over … ” You remember it from the disco years by a band called the Hues Corporation.

The GOP believes, at least in theory, in laissez-faire. That is a French word, which in translation means: “Eat more frog legs.”

No seriously, in the Republican sense it applies to economics. Wikipedia describes the LF-word as “an environment in which transactions between private parties are free from state intervention, including restrictive regulations, taxes, tariffs and enforced monopolies.”

And so forth. Hey Brother Vonnegut, here’s to you man, wherever you may be hiding.

That reluctance to intervene does pretty much define the Republican species in any matter except intruding on an individual’s personal civil liberties and starting wars and just about anything else just as long as no one rocks the boat that the monied class be ridin’ upon. Sheet man, ain’t nothin’ but a thing.

Look at past Republican presidential nominees in the past 50 years and ye shall surely see:

Richard Nixon — Took a lot a crap in his rising political career leading up to his ascendency as Ike’s VP.

Barry Goldwater — Bless his old cactus-laden heart, he atoned in his later years but up to the point when he ran against LBJ he was a reactionary’s reactionary, thus just what the Republicans wanted during that period.

Richard Nixon — Ta da!! Mr. GOP until that little matter came along known as “Watergate.”

Gerald Ford — Jerry Ford was a fine man whom I now believe was right in pardoning Nixon. I also believe Nixon was not the most evil person to occupy the White House (See George W. Bush). Ford had been around for a quarter century in the U.S. House. He served eight years as Republican Minority Leader. He was even part of the famed “Warren Commission.” You couldn’t get more Republican than that! Ford was the only man who served both as vice president and president without having been elected to office. I can’t happen to think of a better person for the time and I will always respect Jerry Ford even though I didn’t agree with everything he did. Oh and he was one of my three Commander-in-Chiefs during my four years of the Navy. Is that a record, or what?

Ronald Reagan — He wasn’t every Republicans’ favorite and ran a testy primary campaign with George H.W. Bush. But by the time he got to the nomination stage at Joe Louis Arena in Detroit, he was “Good Party Man” Reagan.

George H.W. Bush — I have said it before, I will say it again. No man was ever better qualified, in theory, for president of the U.S. of A. Navy pilot shot down in the Pacific. Oilman. Member of the U.S. House. Ambassador to the U.N. Envoy to China. CIA director. Chairman of the Republican National Committee. Banker. Professor. Think tank director. Man, no one was probably better prepared since maybe Andrew Jackson (‘cepting of course, Old Hickory wasn’t a Republican.)

Bob Dole — Say it as he says it “Bobdole.” Another endearing Republican. Catch ’em while you can, they’re fading fast. Dole was badly wounded in the Apennine Mountains of Italy in WWII. He recovered although his right arm was paralyzed. He became a lawyer after the war. He ran for the Kansas House. Was a county attorney. He spent eight years in the U.S. House. He spent nearly 30 years in the Senate where he served both as Senate Majority Leader and Minority Leader. Oh, he also served as RNC chairman.

George W. Bush — George was anomaly of sorts. He was elected twice as Texas governor — see Texas governors — but did have his dad G.H.W. and granddad, Prescott Bush, a high-powered Connecticut Yankee banker, and later U.S. Senator. I suppose you could call “Gee Dubya”  a “legacy” good party man.

John McCain — McCain, a son of a son of a sailor (and a son of a sailor), well there is a debate as to whether Navy officers are “sailors.” Actually, McCain was a III. Junior and Senior were admirals. McCain was shot down and spent five years as a POW held by the North Vietnamese and retired as a Navy captain. He spent a little time in the U.S. House and was elected to the Senate in 1987, where he remains today. He might have been elected president had not he chosen one of the least qualified vice presidential candidates (and that’s saying a lot) in history, part-term Alaska Gov. Sarah “Caribou Barbie” Palin. Nonetheless, McCain remains someone I still like and respect although he can be nuts sometimes.

So there you have it. The history of the GOP good party man probably goes back even farther, in fact, it does although a few flies show up in the ointment sometimes (See George W. Bush and Gen. Dwight David Eisenhower.) So at this early stage, it seems like Mitt Romney is the Republican good party man. And once again, should he be chosen and should he accept (right) he too will be a partial product of a legacy. His father, George Romney, was a former president of General Motors and was governor of Michigan. Romney Sr., also a Mormon, ran for the Republican nomination for president in 1968 even though he was born in the state of Chihuahua, Mexico. Although the Constitution states the president has to be a natural born citizen, Romney seemed to have found a loophole, according to Wikipedia:

“While the Constitution does provide that a president must be a natural born citizen, the first Congress of the United States in 1790 passed legislation stating: “The children of citizens of the United States that may be born beyond the sea, or outside the limits of the United States, shall be considered as natural-born citizens of the United States.” Romney and his family fled Mexico in 1912 prior to the Mexican revolution. However, the Naturalization Act of 1795 repealed the Act of 1790 and removed the language explicitly stating that the children of US citizens are natural-born citizens. As such, it is inconclusive whether Romney was eligible for the office of President.

Always, always remember it is Wikipedia you are reading my friends. It could be right, it could be wrong, it could be, well, it could be damn near anything. That’s what makes it Wikipedia!

McCain was born in the Panama Canal Zone, as a military baby. President Obama was born in Hawaii, which was a state by the time he was born. Yet, only Obama was questioned as to his citizenship because his father was Kenyan and Babybama lived in Indonesia for awhile when he was a kid. Go figure.

Whew, that’s way more than I intended to go but by now you should get why I say Romney should get the nomination. That is, if the “good party man” theory which I learned from Dr. J. David Cox at Stephen F. Austin State University — a great Political Science professor in my mind — holds up these days.

In actuality, if this theory really held up, the GOP nomination would be U.S. Rep. Ron Paul. He’s been in politics since Cal Coolidge was a law clerk riding on the back of a jackass over the hills of Western Massachusetts looking for witnesses to depose. But no, Paul will actually end up becoming my congressman because of redistricting. Ain’t I the lucky one?

Ricky, you got a lot of ‘splainin’ to do

It had to come out sooner or later. I mentioned last week the rumors that were going around in media circles quite some years ago that Rick Perry was gay. I still don’t know. Like Seinfeld said in his classic “The Outing,”: “Not that there is anything wrong with that.”

If Perry and his folks were less full of themselves, they would make the Good Hair man’s life an open book. Every phone prank he ever made as a kid, each Prince Albert in a can of which he inquired, every time he showed up at his hometown Dairy Queen as a kid after swilling a couple of bottles of Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill, every stupidity he committed while attending Texas A & M, each time he flew right when he should have flew left as an Air Force pilot, blab everything that might even close to being offensive to every American voter that he committed as a state legislator, lieutenant governor and governor, plead mercy with PETA for killing that coyote and above all apologize to the Texas State Trooper’s Assn., and every present and past state trooper for that “Get on down the road” thing.

In other words, Ricky, you got a lot of ‘splainin’ to do. And apologizing. But Good hair won’t do that. Like his predecessor, George “Gee Dubya” Bush, Rick can do no wrong.

We shall see what we shall see.