Category: Orphans

Some locals were just sentenced to the federal pen for attempting to rob a bank, which makes me shake my head in disbelief. How can even the dumbest of criminals think of robbing a bank in this day and age?

Money is how one might answer such a question, thinking back to the famous quote attributed to prolific bank robber Willie Sutton. When asked why he robbed banks, Sutton reportedly replied: “Because that’s where the money is.” Just how much a bank robbery will net today is up in the air though.

The most recent figures from the FBI I have found which were from about five years ago put the clearance rate for bank robbery cases around 58 percent. One might see that as a 40 percent chance of success but just where that figure might stand when you look at arrests sometime on down the road is a big question.

There is no question though that banks and the cops put a lot of obstacles in the way for bank robbers. Examples range from the ever-present security cameras from every angle to silent alarms to exploding dye packs. I mean, other than getting shot or arrested, having the money you risked your life to steal blow up, covering you with dye has to really suck.

Unless you are an old geezer who simply wants the state or federal government to take care of you until you die it doesn’t sound like there is much of a future in bank robbery and if there was a future it would have to be pretty damned bleak.

Courage.

When I heard Attorney General Eric Holder remark that ours is a “nation of cowards” in the U.S. when it comes to race, I predicted it would considerably infuriate some of our citizens of the rightwingnut persuasion. I was right, pardon the pun.

Holder told Justice Department employees Monday that the nation is racially segregated on weekends and that inadequate dialogue exists on matters of race. The nation’s first black attorney general was speaking in the context of Black History Month and the reactionary reaction was historically predictable.

I listened to Rush Limbaugh about a minute too long today and he was, surprise, about to blow a head gasket over the remarks. Limburger was a little astonishing with his attacks on Holder, however, in that that he managed to talk for a minute or so without making the whole issue about him.

To be fair, it is understandable reactions of all sorts would erupt with such provocative remarks. It seems, at least, that is what Holder sought to do. Even if you are not a wingnut I can also understand why such remarks might cause consternation.

First of all, “coward” is a mighty strong word especially when used by one of the most important figures in our government. I don’t think anyone would particularly relish being told they were yellow-bellied.

One would also imagine that given the election of Obama and the fact that Holder holds the position he does that the U.S. has made leaps and bounds in racial relations.

But let’s face it, race is the unzipped fly of American society. It makes us uncomfortable to talk about it with those who are of different races from our own because of whatever baggage was left on our doorsteps by previous generations. The sensitivity of the subject and the touchiness with which the subject sometimes leaves behind results in a propensity to do just about anything short of setting our hair on fire rather than talk about race.

I don’t wholeheartedly agree with Holder’s contentions nor do I wholeheartedly disagree. Being a lawyer, one would think that Holder could find a word less explosive than “coward” even though I don’t know if he could make his point as succinctly using another word. It doesn’t hurt for government leaders to shake up the populace every now and then. If the new attorney general makes a habit of in though one would hope the Great Barack Attack would tell Holder to keep a lid on it.

It is not likely — closer to no way in hell — that I will vote in the 2010 Texas Republican Primary. However, if that election pits GOP Gov. Rick “Goodhair” Perry against U.S. Sen. Kay Bailey “TU cheerleader” Hutchison as expected I would certainly would be “cheering on” Kay Bailey in that race. Here is the reason sis boom bah!

The office of Texas governor is constitutionally weak. The governor does get to set the policy agenda and if they are shrewd or have enough backing they can push their projects and legislation on the table. Perry isn’t particularly shrewd but he is lucky. He finished out George W. “Gee Dubya” Bush’s term as governor and rode the crest of a Republican wave in Texas that swept all but what little is left of the Yellow Dog Democrat strongholds.

That tide turned, of course, with the last presidential and congressional sweep by Democrats. But it remains to be seen whether the Donkey Dudes can pull the nation out of its present economic funk. As Obama said recently, he is toast if that doesn’t happen and ditto for Congress.

A lot of talk has been heard about Democratic prospects. Kinky Friedman, who finished in fourth place as an independent in 2006, may run. I don’t see he has much chance to do better in 2010 although he might improve to third or even second place depending on the field of candidates. Other prominent names include Tom Schieffer — brother of CBS Newsman Bob Schieffer also a former partner with Gee Dubya when they ran the Texas Rangers (Bush subsequently appointed Schieffer as ambassador to Australia and Japan) — and State Sen. and former Austin Mayor Kirk Watson. Let’s hope the latter does a better job campaigning than he did for Obama. I’m sure I’m forgetting somebody.

To summarize that last long paragraph though, it is no done deal who might get the Democratic nomination and although I doubt I would end up voting for Kay Bailey for governor I might do so if the Dems put up someone who really, seriously stunk.

Also, the recent news that Alaska Gov. Sarah “Moose Girl” Palin who was McCain’s hapless running mate has endorsed Perry seals the deal that I would prefer Hutchison be the GOP standard-bearer in the Texas governor’s race than Gov. Goodhair.

This leaves a couple of questions though. Actually more questions than a couple but I only have the time and patience for two.

1. Can Hutchison beat Perry? I don’t know but as expert witnesses often say: “Anything can happen.”

2. Can any Texas Democrat beat Hutchison? Ditto on the expert witness thing. But generally yes.

So that is a very long-winded explanation as to why I would rather see Kay Bailey Hutchison win the 2010 GOP nomination than Rick Perry. Plus, there always is my Kay Bailey story but that can wait. One caveat however, don’t expect to see me out putting up yard signs for KBH.

My friend Mary who lives in the Virginia suburbs of DC sent me a list on Facebook I have yet to read. It isn’t that I dread reading it, rather it is simply a manner of wanting to get my daily blog posting completed before engaging in other worthy pursuits.

Lists such as “25 Random Things About Me” on Facebook are all the rage these days or at the very least they are being covered to death by the media. If you want to beat a good horse to death, take it to the news media, believe me because I’ve been there and there are no better beaters.

Never let it be said that EFD is not on the cutting edge of pop culture or what passes for it. This especially being the case when I don’t have a particular topic in mind on which to blog and I have other things I would like to be doing at the particular moment. So,

25 Things I Need

1. An icemaker
2. A 2 x 4
3. A piece of string 6 3/4″ long
4. A jackalope
5. A CD of Scandinavian folk music
6. A regular Tuscan Turkey sandwich from Quiznos
7. Two medicine balls
8. A railcar full of duct tape
9. Six boxes of Lucky Charms
10. A mill bastard file
11. A tube of Boudreaux’s Butt Paste
12. A pair of 3D glasses
13. Five tenpenny nails
14. A case of relative bearing grease
15. A map of Waxahachie, Texas
16. A Mercedes dump truck with Gucci mud flaps
17. Trinidad and Tabago
18. An AN/SPS-49 long range 2-dimensional air surveillance radar with two repeaters
19. The entire works of David Seville and the Chipmunks
20. A tri-cornered hat
21. An umbrella stand made of spent 20-mm shell casings
22. A Lowenbrau bottle
23. Three boiled eggs
24. A poster of Lillie Langtry
25. A flame retardant fedora

Want to know how this guy grew hair like that? Read on.
Happy Presidents’ Day! That’s a greeting one does not hear very often even on Presidents’ Day. Perhaps one reason for the lack of such a greeting is the confusion which exists over the very holiday itself.

Congress in the late 1960s decided to change most of the federal holidays to a Monday, thus creating three-day weekends so more people could shop and spend money. Some lawmakers had sought to honor both George Washington — whose birthday was actually February 22 — and Abraham Lincoln who was also born in February. That failed but some states such as Texas elected to call the federal holiday falling on the third Monday in February Presidents’ Day. So if you are a Texan such as myself you could technically say: “Happy Presidents’ Day” and be correct. However, if you are also a government employee and Texan — even part-time government employee not mentioning any names — then you could say Happy George Washington’s Birthday Presidents’ Day and you would be looked at like you were a lunatic (also not mentioning any names.)

So I could sit here this fine day and write many flattering things about our first president, but instead I thought I would mention Martin Van Buren because his name doesn’t come up that often. For those of you born in the mid-to-late 20th century, Martin Van Buren was the eighth president of our fair nation.

In a biography I read about Van Buren it was revealed that he worked in his father’s tavern in Kinderhook, N.Y., (President Van Buren’s nickname was “Old Kinderhook”) emptying chamber pots. For those of you born after indoor plumbing, chamber pots are what you used before indoor plumbing came along. And no, they weren’t for washing your hands, showering, bathing or brushing your teeth unless you are a very sick individual! Fascinating isn’t it?

Old Kinderhook has long been rumored to be the origin of the term “Okay” or “OK” or c’est la vie. But actually the term OK originated from when someone had to take the chamber pot outside and dump it. Not really. I just had to use the words “chamber pot” one more time.

Van Buren was known as a shrewd politician in his day. As a matter of fact, he was nicknamed “The Little Magician,” or “OK” or something. The magician name came from the chamber pots he could magically make appear from one’s backside.

I could go on and on and on about Van Buren but this is beginning to go downhill very fast and I have things to do and places to go. Happy whatever. Okay?