Category: Orphans

It was too bad that I got stuck in traffic on I-45 just north of Huntsville, Texas, yesterday. You see, if I had been stuck just south of Huntsville, I could have had the time to marvel at Big Sam. Big Sam, the roadside statue of our (Republic of Texas) second president, Sam Houston is what gives travelers the will to live after traveling long distances on Interstate 45.

Especially glad was I to see it yesterday after having encountered a traffic jam seemingly in the middle of nowhere. I was driving back from Dallas and managed to keep the cruise control on from where Central Expressway gave way to I-45 until I hit this endless ribbon of cars just outside of Huntsville that was headed south but going nowhere.

How long this line of creep-along traffic was I couldn’t say. That’s because I was just too antagonized to keep track. But I probably spent 45 minutes in this traffic jam. And what was the reason for this massive metallic tail? It was a 1-mile strip of highway that is under construction (although no one was working at the time) that has a barrier which shrinks the interstate from two lanes to one. Only 1 mile long and it probably created a snarl from the Walker County line all the way back to the jerky store in Centerville.

It seems there should be a better way so that traffic does not get all bottled up like this. I mean, we have cell phones, computers, Blackberrys, red berries, strawberries and “American Idol.” Why can’t someone smart come up with something that will make traffic flow much faster and smoother in such conditions?

About halfway into the traffic jam, I saw a so-called “Dynamic Message Sign” just off the shoulder but I couldn’t tell what it said. Just think of all the gas that could be saved with making traffic move along at least at a steady roll. You’d probably have less smog as well. And you would most likely reduce the chance of someone going ape s**t because of the traffic and opening up on other drivers with an AR-15.

Someone out there needs to put their good old American ingenuity to use for something other than figuring out how to steal someone’s identity on the computer. Let’s go geniuses. Traffic is waiting.

“I am much too pretty to have my head stuck in this position.”

It started with a feeling of numbness between my nose and lip. After the numb area seemed to have enlarged, I looked into the mirror and found the right side of my upper lip had swollen.

I went back to my normal routine until a few hours later I noticed the swelling had taken over about 2/3 of my upper lip. I wasn’t sure what I should do so I called the “tele-nurse” at the Houston VA Hospital. She asked me a few questions such as if I was having difficulty breathing or my tongue was swollen. I told her those things hadn’t happened yet. She advised me to go immediately to an emergency room, asking how far the nearest one was. I told her actually one ER was about two or three blocks from my home, but if I wanted to be seen during this same century I would have to go to the one about a mile away. The nurse told me that was fine but that I needed someone to drive me in case I suddenly went into shock.

So I called a friend. Got her voice mail. I called my brother who lives in the same town. Got his voice mail. I said “screw it” and took my chances driving.

In relative or hospital time, I actually was seen fairly soon after arriving — maybe 45 minutes. An older man came in and was seen ahead of me because he was having difficulty breathing, his son said it was from emphysema and asbestiosis. But that was okay. I would wait and feel my lip grow even larger. I finally was given a steroid shot in the butt as well as two Benadryl to take by mouth.

Even though I don’t remember any of the medical professionals I saw talk about it to me, I suppose it was some sort of allergy. And I’m not really sure what it was that made me have such a reaction. But I guess in hindsight I did the right thing by going to the ER. I’ve seen people stung by ants and bees who in the blink of an eye went into anaphylactic shock, which can kill you.

Just another day in the exciting world of eight feet deep.

A soldier of Walt Disney Co.’s Pluto Brigade tracks down elusive Iraqi pirates suspected of violating copyright laws.

A U.S. House panel last week heard testimony that the Department of Veterans Affairs and the Food and Drug Administration are having a failure to communicate. That actually sounds nicer than saying a lack of communication put veterans undergoing surgery at risk for diseases such as HIV and hepatitis or even worse. According to the press release from the House Veterans Affairs Committee:

“The hearing addressed several issues that together had suggested problems with VA health care quality assurance. In February, surgeons at the James A. Haley VA Medical Center (VAMC) in Tampa, Fla., implanted an unsterilized cranial plate in a patient and nearly duplicated the mistake a week later. In April, VA discovered that it was improperly cleaning and sterilizing prostate biopsy devices, called transrectal ultrasound transducers, at the Togus VAMC in Maine. According to Dr. James Bagian, VA’s chief patient safety officer, unclear labeling and confusing instruction manuals contributed to the errors with the transducers and cranial implants.”

Believe me, or not, the last thing one would want is some unsterilized transrectal something in their prostate much less an unsterilized anything in one’s cranium.

The “Ya think?” quote from that session is courtesy of U.S. Rep. Silvestre Reyes, D-Texas:

“Clear and unambiguous labeling of the sterility of medical implants should be mandatory,”” said Reyes. ““This would seem to be a necessary and fundamental procedure. Yet when senior physicians reach different conclusions about whether a medical implant is or is not sterile, or about the process to sterilize that implant, we have a problem. Hospital staff should not have to read the tiny print on the bottom of page three of instructions after a patient is prepared for surgery.”

And when I say: “Ya think?” I mean it in a good way. Huh?

Veterans who had the prostate procedure were supposedly sent letters warning them of “a small risk of exposing patients to Hepatitis B, Hepatitis C and the Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV).” Out of the goodness of the hearts of the VA, patients who had the procedure can be tested for these diseases at no cost. Did you hear me? I said: “No cost.” Talk about a deal.