Posted on

Who won’t run for president? Stink-foot, that’s who.

Bum bum bum. Another one bites the dust. Bum bum bum. Another one bites the dust. And another one gone, and another one gone, another one bites the dust …

By golly, if there is one thing we news consumers are learning lately, it is who is NOT running for president.

And another one gone and another one gone … Sarah Palin. Chris Christie.

And another one gone and another one gone …

And now, Rudolph Giuliani. Did we even believe he was going to run for president? Of the United States? He said it was too late. No kidding? Plus, did we really want to elect someone who appeared cross-dressing in public? I mean, Uncle Miltie could pull it off, well I mean, not literally, rather, he could get by cross-dressing and it was sort of a signature of his even though I didn’t think it was very funny way back then. I am talking about Milton Berle for those of you whose frame of reference is Paris Hilton or Miley Cyrus. I am not saying cross-dressing isn’t always unfunny. Cpl. Klinger was pretty funny. And even Lucy. Let’s face it, one man’s cross-dresser is another man’s transvestite. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Now hopefully it won’t be very long before we see who is left in the last roundup of the GOP sweeps. I could be wrong, but I think Romney will get the nomination. Who will be Veep? That’s a bigger question and it may likely be some other rabbit pulled from a hat just as McCain did during the last rodeo with Caribou Barbie.

But just in case you have a need for further comfort, here is a partial list of the remaining folks who definitely 1,110 percent certain will not run for the 2012 Republican presidential nomination:

Dr. Jack Kevorkian

Pope John Paul II

Grover Cleveland Alexander

Grand Duchess Anastasia

Dan’l Boone

René-Robert Cavelier, Sieur de La Salle

Fatty Arbuckle

John Wayne Gacy

Miley Cyrus

Richard Milhous Nixon

Col. Wilhelm Klink

Richard the Lionhearted

Lizzy Borden

Aunt Jemimah

Boo Boo Bear

The Right Honourable Harold Holt

Bigfoot

Stink-foot

Eight Feet Deep

Salamander Slim

Johnny Depp

Lil’ Bo Peep

There are many others who have yet to announce their non-candidacy for president. Let us congratulate them all and many thanks to the late Queen vocalist Freddie Mercury, the retired Queen bassist John Deacon (“Another One Bites the Dust”) and the likewise late Frank Zappa (“Stink-foot”), all of whom will also not seek the 2012 GOP nomination for U.S. president.

 

Posted on

The New Jersey “Big Man” — and I’m not talking about the late E Street Band saxophonist Clarence Clemons –said no.

Queen Sarah of the Northern Wastelands, Caribou Barbie her ownself, likewise said no.

Could it be the GOP pieces are finally in place for the 2012 presidential nomination? I certainly hope so. Current major polls are fairly close on Romney, Perry and Cain, in that order. Those will bob and weave, of course, with the latest scandal, the latest gaffe, the latest revelation, and the latest whatever. Once the primary starts will become time for the rubber to meet the road, somewhat. The order of the Republican presidential primaries are as tenuous as big-time college football affiliations. Will the Texas A & M Aggies find happiness among the SEC? Will TCU’s jump to the Big 12 cause it the school to relive its Southwest Conference glory days of Coach Dutch Meyer and “Slinging Sammy” Baugh? Tune in tomorrow for: “As the pigskin turns.”

The big question the Republicans continue to ask themselves is which of the candidates can beat the Black Man in the White House? That is probably how a good many GOP-ers frame the question as well although I doubt they use some of the words I use.

One poll shows that it would be a tie if Obama and Romney faced-off. Others prognosticate Obama would come out slightly ahead — or it would be a statistical tie depending on how you view it — against either Perry or Cain. These are very, very, very hypothetical, of course. They mention no vice president. And try as you might to convince me that a VP choice would make no difference I give you two words: “John McCain.”

If I had money to burn on betting, I would not fear a high-stakes bet against Herman Cain as the GOP nominee. I also predict the odds as very good that Cain will not be the VP candidate either. Why? Because Herman Cain and Obama are both black. As was the case with Obama, many hard-line right-wingers simply did not want Obama president because he was black. They don’t want him president because he is black. They want him gone from office because he is black. Other than not being a Republican, the fact that Obama is black is the major reason the right does not want Barack in the Oval Office unless he is sweeping the floors or taking out the garbage.

Sure, you will have your “enlightened” Republicans who don’t feel that way. I’m not talking about those who talk like adults when discussing politics.

Next month is November and soon it will be one year from that first Tuesday after the first Monday in November. If we are lucky, perhaps we shall know before Christmas who won the election. We have much head of us before that time arrives. And as ol’ Bob Frost said:

“And miles to go before I sleep

 And miles to go before I sleep.”

Posted on

Measuring campaign giveaways of elections past

The Barack Obama presidential campaign has probably one of the most clever pieces of merchandise I’ve seen in recent races for the Oval Office. That would be the “Made in the U.S.A.” coffee mug which features the president’s picture above “Made in the U.S.A. on one side and a copy of Obama’s Hawaiian birth certificate on the other. Says the Web introduction for the listing:

 “There’s really no way to make the birth certificate conspiracy completely go away, so we might as well laugh at it — and make sure as many people as possible are in on the joke. Get your Made In The USA mug today.”

At $20 a pop, the joke is certainly on the GOP whose mantra is “Obama is socialist.” Not at those prices. It might be considered a campaign contribution were I to buy one and I am unsure whether my part-time job allows it. It’s good excuse to not pay $20 for a coffee cup, anyway. My birthday is coming up on Oct. 28. Hint. Hint.

What kind of saddens me are my heart strings — cheap as they might be — being tugged from the previous century. I was born in the middle 20th century during a time which, no matter how fast man could fly or broadcast a radio show on TV or annihilate a city with a nuclear bomb, was still as steeped into the past than as in the future or even the present.

Local pols, where I was raised, in East Texas would give away nail files to the ladies and maybe a snort of whiskey for the men if no one was looking. After all, we didn’t have legal booze in our Bible-Belt town until alcoholic beverages were partially voted in when I was 18. My Dad was a very funny man whose profession, and or art, was painting signs. He made up a sign for the wall in my room that read: “Vote dry — For your bootlegger’s sake” when that “wet/dry” election campaign finally brought legal liquor, beer and wine to town.

Actually, I never knew any politicians who offered a drink in exchange for a vote but stranger things have happened.

Such were the times which brought simpler campaign trinkets and were given away to potential voters and were not sold to raise campaign funds. A county commissioner or county clerk might give away buttons, bumper stickers, yard signs, hand-propelled fans, pencils, fountain pens or just about anything which might or might not have been useful but visible.

I still have somewhere another very clever piece of campaign paraphernalia given to me by a very pleasant and interesting man about whom I wrote a story on his very long-shot candidacy for the Democratic presidential nomination and the just as long-shot simultaneous candidacy for Congress. Fred Hudson Jr. was a Harvard-educated attorney who also happened to own a True Value Hardware store in Center, Texas. He was on the Texas ballot only, running both for the presidential nomination against Bill Clinton and for Congress against the legendary Charlie Wilson of “Charlie Wilson’s War” fame. Personally, I knew Mr. Hudson had a snowball’s chance in both candidacies but he had some interesting ideas and it kind of made me glad to know someone who wanted wanted their voices heard could run for president or congress. That is even if they only owned a hardware store and a small-town law firm.

Back to the campaign goodies, Mr. Hudson gave me a yardstick which advertised both his True Value store and his run for the White House. I value that stick as if it was given to me by Honest Abe or FDR.

Yes, I know that, technically, it might violate some journalists sense of “ethics” to accept such a gift as a reporter. But as I told a congressman who bought me a glass of tea in the cafeteria in the U.S. Capitol’s basement, if I could be bought for a glass of tea, I’m not worth very much myself. The same goes for taking a cheap yardstick with the True Value/presidential ad given by a really nice, older fellow.

Sometimes the best things in life are free, as well as inexpensive and useful.

 

Posted on

Bridges to nowhere fast

A quick trip to Houston today that I would just as soon forget — except for the fact I have to return for the same thing Friday — brought at least one pleasant surprise.

The reconstructed Interstate 10 bridge spanning the Trinity River, between Beaumont and Houston, has finally been completed after four years. Or perhaps, make that after 50 years as that is how old the bridge was. The structure arcs 75 feet above the river which along with the two lanes it had for so many years made it a little close quarters for my taste. I have long had this love-hate relationship with bridges which has eased somewhat over the years. Narrow bridges were never really my cup o’ soup so this fully-functional six-lane bridge, three lanes in either direction, makes traveling a bit more mentally comforting.

I think I was listening to Fred and A.J. on The Blitz, an early afternoon show on Houston’s sports-talk ESPN 97.5, and by the time I got to Anahuac on the return trip I realized I had already crossed the bridge a second time. I guess that’s the hallmark of a good road job. Or maybe it was the degenerate discussion Fred and A.J. were having which made me space out however many miles I had traveled. The Blitz discussion centered around an alleged one-night stand Sarah Palin had with NBA player Glen Rice in the late 1980s when she was a local TV sports reporter in Alaska. Rice was playing college hoops and was in Alaska for a tournament. Now, I admit that you are likely to hear anything on The Blitz, even some sports. That is why I tune in while driving during that time of day, it being such a well-rounded bastion of broadcasting that you just don’t see much of anymore.

As for Sarah’s supposed one-night stand. I say right here that I make no judgment of it on its face. But actually this alleged revelation comes via, where else but, the National Enquirer in the new Joe McGinnis book about Palin. This is the book that was being written while McGinnis moved in next door to the once almost 2/3-term (check my math) governor of Alaska.

The story, if you really want to know the nuts and bolts, is right here. Personally, like the old song says:

“Candy is dandy and liquor is quicker/You can drink all the liquor down in Costa Rica/Ain’t nobody’s business but my own.”

Now if she tries or has tried to be all hypocritical and sanctimonious about the subject, that might be a different matter. But to my knowledge, and that is just to my knowledge and that of no one else, I don’t know if she has either fessed up to the alleged affair or has been a hypocrite regarding this supposed happening. I speak of that particular subject. She has definitely been a hypocrite on other topics.

Nevertheless, this is surely one of those subjects that gets you off of talking about bridge construction in a hurry. Maybe that’s the Republican plan to prevent the president from talking about his jobs plans and getting millions of construction workers back to work. Of course, Palin was known as being for the “Bridge to Nowhere” before she was against it.

Wow, back to solid Democratic footing through all of that. I’m not sure how that happened.

Posted on

CNN/Tea Party debate: Crawfish anyone?

As a resident of the bayou country of Cajun Texas I will confess that I have only seen crawfish swim backwards on TV. But I do know enough of the term “crawfishing” to know it means someone is backtracking on a previous statement.

Today I searched high and low to find someone saying Gov. Goodhair  Perry, good boy he is from the rolling plains of northwest Texas, did a little crawfishing of his own during last evening’s televised debate.

Perry was beaten up like a Sunday morning egg during the debate by some of his fellow Republicans who are seeking the GOP nomination next year. CNN cozying up, I guess, to the Tea Party co-sponsored last night’s debate with the TP in Tampa, Fla.

It is just plain flabbergasting that 10 more of these Republican gabfests will take place until March 5, 2012. I watched about half of the one last week and about a quarter of the one last night. I figure at that rate I surely will not watch any of the debate after the next one. The Sept. 14 debate will be televised on NBC. Well, I wouldn’t watch the debate on Sept. 22 anyway because it’s on Fox News Channel I have to organize my sock drawer that evening.

The aforementioned crawfishing by Ol’ Goodhair came about as he tried to explain to the TP and TV audience how he thought Social Security was a Ponzi scheme before he thought it wasn’t a Ponzi scheme. Are something like that. I’m still not sure what he was saying. At any rate, Perry seemed to backtrack when asked if he still thought the social income program was still a fraud after all the bashing he has taken for his reiterating that idea, plus the fact that he had a chance to redeem himself in Florida among the scores of retirees watching.

Perry said it was a “slam dunk” that Social Security was a “ …  program that’s been there 70 or 80 years, obviously we’re not going to take that away.” He never answered the question directly, of course, whether he still believed the program to be a Ponzi scheme. Had Perry come clean, he would have been thrown out of the Sleazy Politicians Guild. However, Perry badmouthed Social Security enough delivering his somewhat shaky answers and made it clear if he had a coyote named Social Security he would certainly shoot it.

Goodhair also got himself in a jam over an executive order he signed awhile back ordering young Texas school girls to be vaccinated for HPV, the virus known for causing cervical cancer. Now I personally come down on Goodhair’s side on this one, since it can effectively prevent this disease. I don’t like Perry’s dealings with lobbyists from the firm that makes the vaccine, including one of his former top aides.  I also dislike the fact that Perry said he only received $5,000 from the company and appeared indignant that he could be “bought for $5,000” when he receives millions in contributions. Last but not least, it is more than irksome to find out today that he actually got more like $30,000 from this company. But hey, $5,000 here, $30,000 there, after a while  you’re talking serious money.

It is all so tiresome that it makes me wish the General Election season was already here. At least I might, I say might because if Barry O’Bama doesn’t start getting some things done I might not, have someone to cheer for when that time comes around in about a year.

In the meantime I guess I’ll just have to sit back and eat a salad instead of the crawfish boudain I bought because anything crawfish is liable to make me think of Goodhair and that wouldn’t be too great on the digestive system.