One thing which can definitely be said for a federal government job — even a part-time one such as mine — is that it provides a lot of holidays. I am glad today is Presidents’ Day because I stayed up kind of into the late hours of the night or morning with a friend whose name I will not use to protect her reputation as an upstanding member of the community. Yeah, kind of like me, that’s why you only see me using only my nickname or the ubiquitous EFD.
Presidents’ Day is, for those of you who don’t know or care, the day that cheapskate R. Milhous Nixon combined in 1971 to consolidate the birthday holidays of George Birthington’s Washday and the Birthingham of Lincoln Abeday. Putting the birthdays together for one holiday might make economic sense but it surely sinks to the lowest levels of skinflintedness (if that’s a real word — if not, it should be). That would be like putting the birthdays of Jesus Christ and the United States of America together for Christmas on the Fourth of July. Or why the hell not just put Easter and Thanksgiving together and we can dye and hunt colored turkey eggs already?
Friends, the fact is we need MORE, not less holidays. Here are a couple of my suggestions:
Jerry Garcia’s birthday
The birthdays for all present and former members of the Doobie Brothers
Celebration of the invention of nail clippers
Make Festivus (Festivus for the rest of us!) an official celebration on Dec. 23.
The 2nd, 3rd 5th and 6th of July as well as the 4th. Or just the 1st-7th of July and we’ll call it Freedom Week.
National Blue Tail Fly Day (Traditional day of singing “Jinny Crack Corn”).
Marilyn Monroe’s birthday
And I could go on and on …