Eight Feet Deep

Ah, top o’ the morning to you — whatever that means. I’ve always wondered what it meant when someone says “top of the morning” to another. Is that like NOT wishing the BOTTOM of the morning to someone. And by bottom, do THEY refer to the bottom in a derogatory sense such as a horse’s bottom or backside? Or is a reference just to the time of day? Is it merely that someone is wishing the topside of the day to you? I want to know. Inquiring mimes want to know.

The top of my morning was interrupted by some jerk*** blowing his horn and driving his red pickup with a camper up close in positions meant to intimidate me inside my truck in which I was soundly sleeping. Shortly after the jerk*** left, two police officers in two separate cars came to knock on my window. I told them my dilemma, they were nice and went about their way to the top of their mornings.

Later I went to the breakfast for the homeless at St. Mark’s Episcopal. It was really tremendous though a bit eclectic: red beans and rice, cereal, banana, banana pudding, OJ (not Simpson), coffee and the nice people served the meals to you. These are some really great folks. I guess they make up for all the jerk***s out there.

I have to run. Hopefully, my truck will soon be up and running again and I can at least sleep somewhere differently. Until sometime …

I am in the Beaumont Public Library, so I must make this short. I am not doing so well. I have been living out of my pickup but it has been broken down going on a week. I guess one would have to call this situation I am in “homelessness.” If walks like a wino and it talks like a wino … ‘scuse me while I interject a little levity here because I am in desperate need of a heaping, helping of laughter. But I also need money. Yes dear friends, I need money to get me out of this dark pit and into something slightly brighter. I don’t need a mansion. I just need my truck to run. And this Thermos.

“Huh? I am not a bum. I’m a jerk. I once had wealth, power, and the love of a beautiful woman. Now I only have two things: my friends and… uh… my thermos. Huh? My story? Okay. It was never easy for me. I was born a poor black child. I remember the days, sittin’ on the porch with my family, singin’ and dancin’ down in Mississippi.”

Okay, enough with the Navin R. Johnsonisms. The donation button to the right? Yes, it works by sending money via PayPal, if you make it so.

Many thanks,
The Proprietor

Contrary to popular belief, I am still alive and … well, let’s leave it at alive. In between finding a warm place to sleep, attempting to fix my pickup, spending 12 hours in the emergency room and getting harassed by hospital security guards, I haven’t had time to update my goings-on. Not that my goings-on are all that fascinating. But it’s a Monday, and a rather nice, warm Monday morning so I thought I would say “hi” to anyone who cares (or even doesn’t care — hey, I’m not picky.)

Since Sen. Joe Biden, D-Someawhere, has announced he will seek the Democratic nomination for president in 2008, I felt that it was time to make an announcement.

Eightfeetdeep has decided to run for president. With everyone and their dog throwing their hat in the ring, the ring is beginning to look like … well, a ring with a lot of hats in it. I don’t know all the federal election rules, so don’t send any campaign donations just yet. But as I have noted before and, most notably since I have been living out of my pickup truck, I DO accept donations so just send me your money and I’ll make sure Mr. Eightfeetdeep gets the money. Mr. EFD will be a splendid president. He will be all things to everyone and make sure a car is in every chicken and a garage is in every pot.

The list of issues EFD wants to address will also be coming at a later date. Oh, by the way, the photo is an avatar for Mr. EFD. In case you don’t get it, think Popsicle. Then think, freezing one’s backside off.

Here is a separate but equal issue. It is not a matter worthy of the president but is of great importance to those who either can’t afford or are too cheap to secure Internet service in Beaumont, Texas.

The Beaumont Public Library, at least the Central location where I have currently plopped down, needs new computers. I understood before leaving and then returning to our fair city that new machines were supposedly in the works. But nonetheless the same old computers on which Internet Explorer vanishes about every third surf are here. Maybe the old city council is waiting for a new city council to be elected before new computers are purchased, I don’t know. But new computers are needed yesterday if not sooner.

It’s cold and rainy in Beaumont, Texas, just as it has been for the last couple of weeks. It isn’t the best weather to be homeless but then being homeless isn’t the best situation in which one can find themselves.

What had seemed like a slammed dunk job with a security company for me turned out to be a real mess. After two trips to Houston, this company wanted to take all these deductions out of my pay which was supposed to be for just 25 hours. But,they said that I could only be guaranteed 11.5 hours a week. I have been jerked around so much by this company, U.S. Security Associates, that I told them they would have to do without me.

If I ran H-E-B grocery stores in Texas, I would be really leery of this company that the grocer has hired for its security. My “training” consisted of watching a three-hour PowerPoint and the whole class helping each other get the correct test results from this ridiculously simple test. I don’t know, the lack of training the company provides seems like a litigious delight waiting to happen.

Here is one thought that I am sure has occured to those like myself who find themselves on the street. It is mind-boggling how much space is out there everywhere one looks. Many parking lots stand useless at night. Scores of buildings big and small sit unoccupied. And so many people need a place to light. It isn’t that these people need a place to watch television or even take a shower. People need a safe place to park their cars or to sleep in a sleeping bag.

I see the reasons why many people would not want the homeless sleeping on their property. One reason is that it’s THEIR property. That’s understandable. Folks worry about being ripped off, or worse. Liability is also a concern for many. Still, something seems a bit askew that so much ground exists out there and so many people need just an iota of it for just a short period of time. Oh well, I don’t make the rules, I just ridicule them.

It is time to search for yet more potential work. Wish me luck. I still accept donations.