You have chosen the English language version of the Greater Earth Convention and Visitors Bureau. Thank you for inquiring about the wonderful opportunities that await you when you visit our planet. Before going into detail about tourist and convention information, we would like you to view some basic information about Earth:
Size: About 197 million square miles. Some 71 percent of our planet’s surface is covered by water so there are plenty opportunities for aquatic recreation such as surfing, swimming, fishing, sailing and much, much more.
Population: More than 6.5 billion.
Neighbors: Venus, the Moon, Mars
Temperature: From 136 degrees F to -129 degrees F.
Language: The Earth has no one official language. It has roughly 6,800 languages. English, Mandarin, Hindi and Spanish are among the more popular ones. A cautionary note to visitors: Some countries on Earth are sensitive about foreign languages being spoken in their country. For instance in the United States, some who hear a foreign language being spoken may believe that they are being talked about. (See “Paranoia”) It is best to always learn some useful words and phrases before visiting portions of the Earth.
Government: The Earth also has no one government but rather is ruled by heads of state of more than 190 nations. An organization exists called the United Nations, and some believe that officials of that league are flying around in black helicopters trying to foster a one-world government. However, such notions are mostly due to a mental condition (See “Paranoia.)
Pastimes: Soccer or football, cricket, baseball, armed conflict, political intrigue, dancing, opera, television.
Interesting places to visit: The Earth has unlimited potential when it comes to sites of which to visit. One may experience war in Iraq, take a potentially life-threatening climb up Mt. Everest, be treated rudely in Paris, dodge carjackers in Los Angeles, or perhaps be knocked silly with a fly ball in Boston, just to name a few places.
Food and drink: Just as Earth is varied in language and culture it also has numerous varieties of food and drink. Water is the official drink of most of the world. Other notable drinks include tea, beer, wine, vodka. A cautionary note: Much of the water on earth requires treatment or desalinization before being consumed. Untreated water can cause digestive system distress, provided you have a digestive system. When in doubt, drink hard liquor.
We look forward to visits from those out in the far reaches of the Universe. It is best to call ahead before visiting Earth to avoid misunderstandings with defense forces of various governments.