Author: Dick

I haven’t paid much attention to the news over the last few days. Part of that is because I was traveling, looking for a place to rent, moving some stuff, staying with a friend out-of-town and just generally ignoring the world. It’s funny because I did read the paper a couple of days, but nothing really stuck.

Blah, blah, blah … nuclear option … blah, blah … the earth exploded into a bright blue flame … blah. I did see something this morning that was disturbing. Laura Bush got heckled from apparently both Jews and Muslims while visiting Jerusalem. There’s nothing like equal opportunity hecklers. What a great country that Israel.

I did a one-on-one interview with George W. prior to his being governor of Texas (and in company of no handlers) and found him pleasant enough. He even did a few good things as governor, though some might argue with his thorough thinning of the prison population by lethal injection in Texas. But I haven’t found much I have liked about his performance as president. It’s not a partisan thing. It’s what you might call, an Ahh-murr-i-cun thing.

But nonetheless, I don’t think it is right to go hassling the wife of someone you dislike. I didn’t particularly like the woman at the post office this morning who went into this detailed discussion defending her position on why the office had no post card stamps. But if that woman had a spouse, I wouldn’t go heckle him. If your doctor or dentist is a major butthead, you may want to give him or her a piece of your mind (after you find another professional), but that practitioner may have just the nicest husband or wife in the world.

One might argue that Laura Bush has influence over George W. That’s probably true. But a lot of people have influence on Whiz Kid — the Veep, Rumsfeld, the board of Halliburton and any number of petroleum companies, and let’s not forget James Dobson and Jerry Falwell. These people may have even more influence than Laura.

I particularly think it’s chickenshit to rag on someone’s spouse or significant other because of what that other person has done. I don’t think it is necessarily fair, not to mention that it isn’t very brave. If you don’t like George, tell him, although he won’t be within your sight or earshot. Yeah, it’s one of those Catch-22 situations we still haven’t worked out yet. But don’t go bugging his wife or kids. It just isn’t right. If you want to protest, go protest that blue flame that now is the eaaaaaaaaarrrrrthh …

I still am alive despite sweating profusely in Beaumont, Texas. I was there over the weekend finding a place to live. Why? That is where I am moving this week. Why? Why not. I would like to say something clever explaining my reasoning for moving there as well as jumping into a freelance writing career like a man who owns few brain cells. It’s a long complicated story. Maybe I’ll discuss it sometime — WHEN YOU ARE ALL DRUNK AND DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE READING.

Was it eightfeetdeep I saw this tortured reasoning of why someone moved to Beaumont, Texas? No, I think it was on Wonkette or maybe even Forbes.com.

I just had to dash this off this morning before I depart for the hinterlands.

I caught just a portion of a “breaking news” story one of the Dallas TV news stations had at 6 last night. The scene of the incident was taken from a helicopter and I’m not really sure what all was said, but it appeared a car had crashed into the Condoms to Go store that is located at Greenville Avenue and Lovers Lane (sigh). I didn’t read about it in this morning’s news sites so I suppose, thankfully, no one was seriously injured.

It is not my intent to indulge in the humor that such a misfortune might bring. (For instance: “Driver: We finally discovered where the rubber meets the road!”) I must note that I have seen billboards for this business for a number of years when driving through Dallas and found its name rather interesting.

“Condoms to Go.” Why Condoms to Go? Is is not only logical that “to go” is about the only place the proprietors would want for their product to be taken after it is purchased? I’m sure they wouldn’t like for someone to come in the store and say, “Don’t bother with the bag. I’ll just use mine here.”

Gimme a Social, gimme a Security, gimme a Reform 

I have had a lot of fun — as have other bloggers, satirists and assorted bozos — over the “Sexy cheerleading bill” passed recently by the Texas House of Representatives. But fun time is almost over as the big gavel is about to fall in Austin in a matter of days. So too does it look as if the cheerleader booty-shaking ban could be historical toast as the Texas Senate seems to be looking at the measure as if someone tracked dog feces into the senate chamber. Of course, one might say the sexy cheerleading bill is somewhat like puppy excrement, or worse.

What no man nor woman, nor certainly a dog, wants to do at this point in the waning days of the legislative session is to turn away for a moment. Because sure as Rep. Suzzana Hupp is shooting, or filing a bill relating to shooting, some state lawmaker will try to hang some odious rider onto the back of a piece of legislation.

Such a practice is done as if it is a highly-reformed piece of statecraft in Washington. In Austin, tacking something ghastly onto another bill is just another reminder that we shouldn’t take just anyone off the street and put them into the legislature. Ah, but we do. And we have. And we will continue until the majority of us are barefoot, in tattered clothes and are marching down the highway singing: “Onward Christian Soldiers.”

Texas is high up on the list of having crackpot politicians throughout time. One only has to look at Lyndon B. Johnson, who was probably one of the best of the old-time pols, but who would still do something like hold his beagle up by its ears in front of press photographers. George W. (doesn’t he look fetching in the above photo when he was cheerleading at Andover?)merely drops his dog in front of cameras. So we are gradually making an improvement, right? Okay, maybe not.

This production of Guys and Dolls out in Austin are the poster children for changing how we elect our representatives. Although they all managed to stay in Austin this session — unlike the session before when the Democrats split for Oklahoma — we get this feeling we get each and every time when our legislative session barrels toward an ending. It is a feeling that we wished like hell they would have gone somewhere. North Dakota, maybe. Or Uzbekistan. Anywhere but Austin

We shall see how it plays out and if someone manages to sneak the sexy cheerleading bill onto say, a banking reform bill. While all of this starts going down, I will be diligently searching for new digs in the steamy “Golden Triangle” of Texas and may miss a few days holding this blog into place unless I can get to a computer somewhere in my travels. Maybe I can meet a hobo who has Wi-Fi. But I will be back, much to your dismay.

Until then, talk amongst yourselves.

Jessica Simpson: Oblivious or oblividious? 

As I drive along the highways of this busy metropolis, I often see other drivers who are living in a whole different state. I’m not talking about someone who is from out of state, which in my case is Texas (Motto: We don’t allow no butt-shaking cheerleaders). No, I’m talking about those who live in their own little mental state or rather mental “states.”

Two such states exist — Oblivion (Motto: You talkin’ to me?) as well as a state, I will just call “Oblividion.” (Motto: Huh?) Oblividion (pronounced ob-lie-vi-dion–accent it wherever you like because if it is a real word then I can’t find it anywhere)is where residents of Oblivion go because of idiocy issues. The word comes from the conjunction of the words oblivion and idiot.

Now oblivion is not such a bad state to visit, but you have to question those who choose to homestead there. Jessica Simpson is a good example. Although she is a Texan, Jessica seems at least from her publicity and personae to be taking up residency in Oblivion. However, if Jessica really is as dumb as she acts and portrays herself in the public eye, then one might make a case that perhaps she packed up and moved her double-wide to Oblividion.

It is way too easy to cross the border into Oblividion. A very good example appeared right before my very eyes just a short while ago as I was trying to exit Sam’s Club. I was waiting for the cars to pass in the two lanes in front of me so I could get across and into the turning lane. All was going well until this ***hole in a white pickup shifted into gears and quickly sped across the state line from Oblivion to Oblividion. However, he was only figuratively speeding. In realty he was just taking his sweet time “do-dah-yep-yep-yep” while I was trying to get across the two traffic lanes before the next onslaught of cars.

I finally made it to the turning lane okay. No help from the guy from the state of Oblividion. It makes you wonder what people do for a living. I hope this person isn’t on a bomb squad or something. Not that it wouldn’t pay to take things slow when dismantling or removing explosives. But performing such work while living in Oblividion might prove to be somewhat, fatal maybe?

So the next time you decide to book a trip to Oblivion, have fun there. It can be a fun place. Just make sure that you aren’t shanghaied across the state line. You might find yourself sharing the block with Jessica Simpson. And some ***hole in a white pickup truck.