Eight Feet Deep

Gov. Palin: “Guns don’t kill people … Well, maybe a little, gosh darn it.”

As I was in the paper aisle at Kroger earlier this fellow was insistent on what a good deal he found on his TP:

“But this, this is a good buy. I came down the aisle that had all those products for incompetence and alla sudden, I see this s**t paper and I say: ‘Woooo. Lookie here.’ I saw an ad for this on telliebision but I couldn’t make hair nor head of it because I wadn’t getting good conception. I see this guy with the mostache and glass who I nunerstan’ ain’t no here no more. I think his name was Mr. Hippo. He was allas talkin’ bout how no one should squiz the Charman. But this is the bes’ deal I seen today. I mean, I can get me four of these rolls for $3.24 and with using a square each, well, well, I ain’t gonna lie to you. I gonna use more than a square but it still come out good. I mean the deal. You know whatta I mean. But … “

Just then, I stepped out of the bright tunnel lights and saw myself from the gurney with all the medical professionals standing around me. “Congratulations, sir, you are alive once more,” one doctor said.

And I said: “AAAiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!”

To show off her superior survival skills, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin plans to field dress this beast during her debate tonight with Sen. Joe Biden.

Well, the spin is spinning fast and furious today over tonight’s smackdown in St. Louis between Sarah “The Puck Stops Here” Palin and Joe “I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Shut Up” Biden.

Palin said in a radio interview with Sean “Nobody’s Perfect Except Me” Hannity today that she has been picked on by the media who were:

” … trying to censor my comments” and said “the state of journalism has changed a bit since I received my degree.” She added that she cares deeply about the freedom of the press but wants more accountability.

Personally, I find her comment about how the state of journalism has changed since she received her degree a bit (well, actually, a lot) laughable given she received her degree in 1987 and only worked a year or two as a sports reporter. The fact that the McCain-Palin campaign has done their best to hand feed the veep candidate to the media and keep her away from reporters’ questions just makes the assertion that much more ridiculous.

I guess the McCain campaign would not be doing their job if they didn’t lower the expectations of Palin’s performance, however. I see that Karl Rove has jumped into the Gwen Ifill debate, meaning that if Palin really bombs there will be even more than the usual ready-made charge that the media is to blame (for everything).

I just hope the debate lives up to the hype from all sides. If it is dull or, God forbid, informative, then where will I put my trust in humanity?

For some reason I have had trouble uploading videos to the blog. There could be any number of reasons with the top one having something to do with my technical incompetence.
The video I would like to upload today concerns the alleged foreign policy experience of Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, the GOP veep, candidate. Palin, as many of you know, has claimed she can see Russia from where she lives and this somehow raises her foreign expertise.

CNN’s Gary Tuchman visited the little island which Palin claims is where she can see Russia. The problem is that the folks on this little island — some of whom didn’t know Palin had been nominated for vice presidential candidate — said the governlady has never visited there before. That’s okay, really. I mean, hey, I’m sure it’s hard to get CNN out there on that island. And I’m sure her commanding the Alaska National Guard prevents her from visiting every little nook and granny in that humongous state. I do think the video would be quite enlightening though. But unfortunately, as I mentioned before, I can’t upload the video so I will just have to provide a link to Tuchman’s blog, like how about this?

People who support Palin shouldn’t be disheartened. After all, she is a voracious reader, according to her recent interview with Katie Couric. (Here’s a link to a transcript, also no instant video). The only problem is that she won’t divulge what she has read. But that is okay too. I mean, I have read some pretty raunchy stuff in my life. I even used to read Playboy. I didn’t look at the pictures though. Oh yeah, I think I also looked at a High Times once although I certainly didn’t inhale.

One can only imagine the shock I felt earlier this afternoon when I read the headline intimating that The View’s right-wing co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck was in a snit over the political bickering amongst her fellow ABC-TV co-hosts. Who knew? I mean, her feelings are something I do not dare take for granted because I know that she at least has as much knowledge as GOP veep candidate Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin.

Unfortunately for me, once I began reading about this latest celebrity row and what it means to the security of our country … (huh?) … I quickly became confused.

What is so confusing is Elisabeth’s name. No, not that she spells her name “Elisabeth” with an “s.” Elisabeth, or rather, Elizabeth is a very important name to me as my mom was named Elizabeth. I know at least one person who spells her name “Elisabeth.” That is even though her name is Lucy. No, just kidding. But I do have a very good, long-time friend, yes even though she is a Republican, who is named Elizabeth but whose rap sheet lists her as “Suzie.” Only joking about the rap sheet, sweetie. I had another friend named Elizabeth who went by “Liza,” as in Minelli. And on and on it goes. No it’s the “Hasselbeck” which creates the confusion.

I watch pro football on and off. Some years yea, some years nay. Recently, I saw a game with the Seattle Seahawks in which Matt Hasselbeck was quarterbeck, er, quarterback.

Now Matt Hasselbeck has been around for eons. He’s 33 years old, which is ancient in NFL years. Plus, I am sure I heard the name when his dad, Don Hasselbeck, played pro football.

But after looking up Elisabeth and Matt and Don and all the Hasselbecks in the world, I came to discover Elisabeth is married to former pro football player Tim Hasselbeck. So I have to ask, who the heck is he? That is, other than Elisabeth’s hubby?

And then there is one more kink. Wasn’t that guy in Knight Rider and Baywatch named Hasselbeck? Oh, I see. It’s Hasselhoff. My bad. Well, I’m certainly glad we got this all figured out. I just hope Elisabeth doesn’t go off to Fox News. She would be so out of place there since they don’t have many blonde right wing personalities or talking heads.

Oh and PS for the 6000th time: I often have to edit this and edit this and edit this some more once it is published so there may be times one reads this and says: “What the … ?” Oh, “times” is an exaggeration I am sure. Don’t worry about it. I don’t.