Hasta la vista, dinero!
Not much is going on in the world of high finance at 1:24 a.m. on Friday morning. That is except:
“JPMorgan Chase acquired the banking operations of Washington Mutual Bank in a transaction facilitated by the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation,” according to the FDIC. Da de dum dum. Not much happening. It is only the largest bank failure in U.S. history. Oh well, time to go to bed and thank my lucky stars my money is (hopefully) protected by the FDIC.
A lot of buzz has emerged recently over Sen. John McCain’s eye. Specifically, his eye is droopy or even partially closed. Perhaps McCain is just doing a Popeye imitation. After all McCain was a sailor man. (Or an officer, subtle difference if you are a former swabby like meself). So was McCain’s father and grandfather.
As for what in the heck is going on in Washington with the financial crisis which precipitated McCain’s proposal to postpone the debate, one needs a program to figure out the players and what they are doing. It looked like the Dems had some kind of proposal this morning. This afternoon when Obama and McCain came to town and met with Gee Dubya, it all went to s**t. Go figure.
Now if the whole dodge the debate in Mississippi tomorrow night turns out to be McCain or his handlers didn’t want him to appear with a bad-looking eye that wouldn’t be good. But I saw later pictures and his eye didn’t seem to be askew. Of course, he could have been shot up in the eye with some kind of drugs. Oooh, am I sinister or not?
McCain could have put his campaign on hold to go to Washington, presumably because of the financial crisis, for any number of reasons. He might have truly thought he should do something to help prevent the world from going into a financial panic. He could be afraid that he was going to be left on the floor with Obama wiping him up tomorrow night in Oxford. Then he could have been worried about his eye. I mean, Richard Nixon’s five o’clock shadow in his debate with John Kennedy was believed to have sunk his bid for president, that and the fact Nixon was just naturally creepy. Who knows?
I predict the big debate buzz phrase — provided McCain shows up tomorrow — “I yam what I yam” or “I goes swimmin’ with bow-legged women, I’m Popeye the Sailor Man. Toot toot.”
Extra, Extra read all about it …
That great economic mind and expert on Russian affairs, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin warns the financial crisis could turn into another Great Depression if the government doesn’t do something. That certainly makes me feel better to know this.
Sen. Barack Obama is currently holding a news conference reacting to John McCain’s proposal that the presidential debate be put off so the senators can help deal with the nation’s fiscal mess. Obama sounds as if he would rather not postpone the debate. However, I think the campaigns — both campaigns, all campaigns — be postponed indefinitely. Let the candidates campaign from their front porches like in the olden days. That is, provided the candidates have a front porch. If they don’t, perhaps they can rent one.
Finally, I have a much clearer understanding now than earlier today of what the proposed bailout means to our country. The clarity came from none other than Sean (Mr. Excitement) Hannity. Riding back from the store this afternoon, I heard Hannity say that the $700 billion bailout is just an extension of the liberals’ vision of redistributing wealth. Yes, George W. “Gee Dubya” Bush, “Deadeye” Dick Cheney, Hank Paulson and all the White House gang, it turns out, are all a bunch of French-lovin’, Champagne-sippin’, Fellow-travelin’ socialists of the first order. Dang, I should have guessed it from the very start. Thanks for that insight Sean, ol’ buddy!
Everyone and their dog seems to blame the recent hurricanes for any shortfailings (shortcomings & failings). Being the convenient excuse that it is I shall adopt my recent encounter in which I was Iked as the recent I haven’t learned everything there is to know about the current financial crisis and proposed big bailout.
Nevertheless, I have gathered enough information that I can offer the first comprehensive test on the present financial mess:
1. What is the “Big Bailout?”
a. The sequel to “The Big Easy.”
b. A mass skydive by a Weight Watchers group.
c. All of the above.
d. None of the above.
2. Complete this sentence regarding the cause of the current fiscal crisis: “Blame it …
a. On the Bossa Nova.
b. On Rio.
c. On global warming.
d. On erectile dysfunction.
3. Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson raised some eyebrows when he proposed:
a. To Laura Bush
b. To Barbara Bush I
c. To George H.W. Bush
d. Placing Prof. Irwin Corey on the 50-cent coin.
4. Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke thinks the current economic crisis may lead to:
a. Galveston.
b. Stronger drugs.
c. Weight gain.
d. New Olympic swimming records.
5. Some Republican congressional members oppose the multi-billion dollar bailout because:
a. It would greatly hamper building bridges to nowhere.
b. It would touch off looting in DuPont Circle.
c. It would send Dick Cheney on a shooting spree.
d. They think it could cause flag burning.
6. A “recession” is defined as:
a. Two weeks in a sewer.
b. Three weeks in a freezer.
c. Four days in Vegas.
d. The 21st century.
7. What is behind the fiscal problems with AIG?
a. Too many initials.
b. The world already has an aig glut.
c. More financial problems.
d. Tainted pork.
8. The current financial crisis has touched off:
a. A decline in the Roman Empire.
b. An incline in a Roman umpire.
c. An octagon turned pentagon.
d. An upper-level low pressure center.
9. GOP presidential candidate Sen. John McCain said of the pending bailout:
a. “Try not to land in a lake filled with mean little bastards in it.”
b. “It’s time to eject!”
c. “Gov. Palin, get out the buckets!”
d. “Cindy, gotta beer?”
10. Democratic presidential candidate Sen. Barack Obama has taken the position on the bailout:
a. Behind the double doors to the left.
b. It should be accomplished using Feng Shui.
c. “What me worry?”
d. “Didn’t happen on my watch.”
If you answered any of the above questions then you know exactly as much about the financial crisis as I do, which is absolutely zip. It’s time to bone up, bonehead!
