Category: Orphans

Hot off the wires from the Associated Press:

“NEW YORK – Does Vinnifer have the same ring to it as Brangelina? Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn were photographed kissing, possibly confirming that their relationship has grown romantic.”

So, was it serious tongue hockey? Was a hoofed animal involved? We’re they dancing around a fire in the middle of the street with throngs of Wiccan onlookers? Were they kissing Tom DeLay’s mugshot? Exactly where were they kissing? When did they kiss and when did they know about it? Was whipped cream involved? Were they kissing for Katrina relief? Were they kissing for the hell of it? Were they kissing so they could become subjects of a major AP story? What did it sound like when they kissed? If they kissed in the forest, would a tree fall on them? Did the kiss come from sharing a plate of spaghetti with no eating utensils? How did Jen’s breath smell? Did it smell like Listerine or Bud Light? Did Vince smell like Old Spice? Did Vince smell like New Orleans after Katrina? What will they name their children? Will they have a dog? Will they have a pet tiger named Adolf? Will they kiss the tiger? Will they kiss the dog? Will they kiss the children after playing serious tongue hockey with the dog and the tiger?

Ah, you see what I mean? So many questions. So, so, so, many questions.

The Smoking Gun has Tom DeLay’s mugshot. I won’t show it here but you can take a peek by clicking on Tommy Boy’s name above. Goodness, I’ve never seen a man so happy in a mugshot.

That’s certainly not the case with Runaway Bride Jennifer Wilbanks. Just look at her! She seems to have received an IV drip of Folger’s that morning.

I really love TSG’s mugshot collection. Check out this one of Steve McQueen. He’s cool even in his mug.

And who would win the nerdiest celebrity mugshot? Why the nerdiest rich guy on the planet — Bill Gates.

Then again, who can forget the Unabomber? And of course, Nick Nolte, on a unabummer.

Finally, and I do mean finally, to help you sleep soundly I give you Dr. Jack.

The four Rogers Brothers had that “vision thing.”

This afternoon I wandered the streets of downtown Beaumont, Texas. I had not given downtown a close inspection since coming back after the hurricane. All in all it didn’t look significantly different than before Rita with the exception of debris here and there.

Obviously, the David Cargill sculpture of the Rogers Brothers outside the Art Museum of Southeast Texas (pictured above) seemed to come through the storm okay. The four Rogers Brothers founded Texas State Optical in the 1930s, which was one of the first, if not the first, eyeglass company to have both an optometrist and glasses at the same location. They were quite successful. I would have probably named the sculpture something like: “The eyes have it.” Yuk.

I can’t tell whether this building was damaged in the storm. My guess is that it was just a big empty shell before the hurricane. It’s a shame this old structure is going to ruin. It’s got nice lines. I could see it with lofts or as an office building. But then my visions aren’t quite as keen as those of the Rogers Brothers.

Some want to use the storm damage as an opportunity to make downtown something beyond just a destination during the business day and duirng nighttime at the Crockett Street Entertainment District. I think making downtown a little more vibrant is an idea worth considering, provided that it is done right. I’d hate to see us end up with even more broken-down and empty buildings down there.

Yeah. The Astros won the National League last night. All those 40-some-odd years of heartbreak are forgiven. Hell froze over, apparently. That means my birthday wish for my upcoming 50th is halfway answered. Now, just one more little thing. How about sweeping the White Sox? Is it too much to ask? Oh, and while you’re at it, how about having Ed McMahon show up at my door with a check for $1 million? Does he still do that?

“It was this long and filled with pastrami, salami, ham, Swiss and a couple of kosher pickles.”

Endless speculation from inside the Beltway continues over whether Vice President Dick Cheney will be entangled in a legal web over the CIA investigation. Among the rumors is that Cheney will step down and the president will name Condeleezza Rice as VP. That would not surprise me in the least that he would step down and Bush would name an heir apparent. But Rice’s skin tone and gender might be a little too hard for some of the geriatric GOP to take. Likewise for some of the conservative voters who see things more in shades of black and white, if you get my drift.

The veep’s ethnicity makes no difference to me. To paraphrase Navin Johnson’s mother in “The Jerk:” I would love the vice president if he or she was the color of a baboon’s ass. Well, maybe love is too strong a word. I would respect the position at least.

It would really be a bold move for Bush to appoint a black woman as vice president if old Tricky Dick II resigns. Whether Cheney calls in the dogs and pees on the fire is another question.